I have never understood…

 …the allure of Pink Floyd.

This band seems to be popping up a lot lately. I saw a list of the top six classic rock bands, and I agreed with all of them, but Floyd. I saw an elderly woman (anyone older than me is elderly haha) wearing a Pink Floyd shirt. And then yesterday I heard a song of theirs called “Fearless” on the radio. 

My friends and I never listened to Floyd. It always felt like background music for people that liked to get seriously high. To me, the band has no personality. You think of The Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin, and they exude personality. The members make an impression.

Meanwhile, I couldn’t pick Roger Waters out of a line-up and I don’t even know the other band members’ names.

Am I to assume that people still listening to a Floyd still like to get seriously high? 

The only memory I hold of listening to Pink Floyd was in the spring of 1975. I was going to a computer school, and we had to write codes, type them on punch cards, and run them through a computer that was so large it filled a room. The school only had one computer, so when the end of the quarter came, everyone was vying for computer time to be sure their program ran efficiently. It was our “final.”

Our young teacher, Gary, decided we should spend a Friday night in the gloomy building downtown Cleveland so we had total access to the computer ourselves. We weren’t required to come, but he made it like a party. Lots of snacks. And a record player.

Gary was always competing with the other teachers to prove we were the smartest. 

Someone had brought a Pink Floyd album, and that is the only time I listened to Dark Side of the Moon in its entirety. It really fit with being on the second floor of a grungy building at 2 o’clock in the morning, Euclid Avenue below being fairly devoid of traffic, and the streetlights shining through dirty windows. (In the 1970s, no one went to Cleveland at night.)  In that atmosphere, I thought the music as pretty good. However, I never bothered to listen again, not even when it was rumored you could put it on and watch The Wizard of Oz and it was a perfect soundtrack.

So yeah, all these years later I still do not get the allure. I do, however, like the cover.  It’s pretty darn cool.

A Portal?

 

I slept better last night than I have in a while, and today I feel like myself again.  

This graphic came through on an email from Valarie Kaur of the Revolutionary Love Project. A day ago, I would have felt defeat regarding this idea. Nothing felt possible. That is how low I was sinking.

There are continued challenges with Jim’s health, and so far no answers. I am going to be calling him in a few minutes. I believe in the possibility of change, and at the same time am willing to accept whatever is. My job is to hold the space for healing, and perhaps I haven’t been doing that too well.

For some reasons I cannot understand, this is the way. I just need to go with it.

4 Lines

 

Here are 4 lines I wrote in my journal today:

Things can turn and change

It ain’t over ‘til it’s over

I can be positive and strong

I can accept things exactly as they are

How It Is

 Scrolling through Facebook this morning, this quote hit me hard:

Immediately I knew that once again I was off the path of letting things be as they are.

I want more energy. I want Jim to be stronger and well. I want him home. I want, I want , I want…

Destructive desire.

All unhappiness comes from wanting things to be different than they are.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Choose Joy

Today is one month since my accident.

My attention was drawn to something that has been sitting on my dining room table along with all the other items Margie and Paul got out of my wrecked car.

This magnet sat on the back of my silver Tucson. I’d make note of it every time I was loading groceries, or I came out of my classroom at the end of a long day.

One month ago, this magnet on the back of my car was the last thing I saw out the back window of the ambulance as I was carried to a world unknown and unplanned.

These past 30 days have been a continuing lesson in choosing joy. It seems the lesson can never be learned deeply enough.

Question Marks

Inspired by “Word Fog” by Rumi

Words, even if they come from

the soul, hide the soul, as fog

rising off the sea covers the sea

I’m a writer

and I use words

and I like to think

I’m speaking from

my soul at times

but perhaps it 

isn’t possible, maybe

something is obscured,

something that can’t 

clearly be said.

Like the way I feel

today, like I cannot

truly grasp the

moment. All I can

do is concentrate

on the next step.

My life sometimes

feels like a maze

I’m picking my

way through.

I don’t have words

for all the questions

I have about the

future.

I just have question marks.

 

“And yet the books…”

 This poem inspired by “And Yet the Books” by Czeslaw Milosz.

And yet the books will be there on the shelf, separate beings

My best laid plans to read them stolen from me

Concentrating on fiction now is particularly tough

I do hope someday to return. And when I do,

The books will be there on the shelf, well born

Derived from people, but also from radiance, heights.

Driving

 

Today I decided I had to color this picture of a car because I’m moving slowly toward driving again.

It’s terrifying.

Even beginning to color this picture, I found myself with a little anxiety. Nothing terrible — just enough.

My counselor suggested that I just spend time getting to know my new car. This whole thing might be different if I was just getting into a car I was familiar with, but this one is a bit different and I’m finding it a little intimidating.

I took her advice and went down and sat in the car, got out the owners manual, and just started to get familiar with some of the main things that I know I need. I also brought down items to put in my car that I need in there, such as my umbrella and a box of Kleenex. 

It went well. I even backed the car out so I could work a little bit with the radio, because it doesn’t work in the garage.

So I took a big step today. My plan is by the weekend to be able to take some small trips. It will feel good to be independent again.

most amazing

When I was in high school, I loved the poet e.e. cummings. It wasn’t just his poetry, but his breaking of grammar rules. He was the first one to make me feel like there could be a freedom in expression that was not something I was taught. I tended to sign my name in lower case. 

This particular cummings poem is my favorite. It takes me back to the summer of 1998 when I was in grief over the loss of my father. I was still a sponsor for Youth of Unity and went to my final annual conference in Kansas City, Missouri with three of our members. This poem was on the back of the program booklet.

This poem reminds me that even with our small little deaths, there is always new life. It reminds me to look and really see. It reminds me that gratitude is always possible.

In this weird summer of health issues and terrifying incidents and uncertain future, e.e.cummings points the way back to amazement and grace. I am grateful.

One Minute

This has been a summer of fast change. Even as things happen gradually, they seem to change quickly.

It was one minute after Biden announced he would not seek reelection that my brother Martin texted me: “I guess Kamala will get her chance.”

What followed was a change in the horizon some had been calling for, but many did not know what was the right move. People like me.

But immediately I knew it was right. Immediately I was more enthused, more excited, more sure.

And many others were as well. Kamala brought in over 50 million dollars within hours.

There is now a Nicki Haley Voters PAC to move their votes to Kamala. And it hasn’t even been 24 hours.

I love Joe Biden. There has rarely been someone with so much integrity, grit, and compassion. He truly cares. When it comes to Joe, there is no such thing as lip service.

Joe is 81. I live with someone the same age. Decline can take us by surprise.

To say he did right by his country, ego aside, is an understatement.

Meanwhile, I love the energy this has created. I pray Dems truly unite around their candidate and make this happen. I hope it got some of the millions of people who are tuned out on the campaigns to finally sit up and take notice.

In one minute, the future look brighter and possibilities that were dim took a new shine.

Go, Kamala! Your country needs you.

The Aim

I saw this meme and boy, could I relate.

I have never seen a year like this in my life.

I’m actually scared for the rest of the year, for so many reasons.

In my mind it’s like what else?

Then I saw this meme:

And it detailed what I am trying to do every day…

Remember that everything is temporary

Remember that there are still joyful moments

Remember that the terror I feel in so many arenas of my life:

Jim’s health

My health

The school year

The political scene 

These are huge things, and they matter.

My aim is to relax into what is.

Make decisions one at a time.

And if I’ve said this a hundred times before,

Well, I’m not surprised.

I have to keep reminding myself not to run on fear.

Because it is so damn easy to do. 

That Moment the Perfect Song Comes On

I’m in the kitchen making shrimp and setting up coffee

It’s Friday evening after a tough week

So many dead ends and roadblocks

My husband in the hospital

I’m listening to what Apple Music calls

“Helen’s Station”

A curation of songs based on my listening habits

And Stevie Wonder’s song

“Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing”

Began to play

And I felt small movements in my injured body

And I began to sing along, happily

Honestly one of the best moments of the week

And happiest

Even though I was alone

It is astounding to think Stevie was all of 

23-years-old when he released the Innervisions

Album in August 1973

It is funky, inspiring, political, and spiritual

Every single song its own tiny masterpiece

Apple named it in Top 100 of all time

And rightfully so

I have used songs from it over the years in the classroom

Because when it comes to musical artists

I always want my kids to know Stevie Wonder

This music has been with me for over fifty years

And today one song made a huge impact 

Because it truly was the message I needed to hear

And so damn JOYFUL!

 

Gratitude Friday

It is already 4:00 and today has been go go go. Lots of paperwork and phone calls. I’m getting ready to put on some music and take a nap, then remembered I hadn’t written here.  So here are the things I’m grateful for today:

They confirmed the inflammation in Jim’s colon through an colonoscopy, and are treating it with steroids. And he finally got some real food for lunch…the last meal he had was last Saturday evening.

I got my new car delivered to me. I’m not cleared to drive it yet, but it sure is pretty.

I spoke with a counselor today, and I will be having 8 sessions with her, and 8 sessions with a life coach. This is through my Aetna insurance, and I’m very grateful for Melissa, my Care Manager. She has been making a lot of calls to get me what I need.

I had an entire day at home, which has been really nice.

I received my ballot in the mail and it’s a reminder I live in a democracy with free and fair elections. Super grateful for that!

I feel pretty good today. I seemed to have turned a corner where I have to remind myself it’s time for meds. I’m not getting that achy feeling ahead of time that was the standard. I still have a long way to go.

Tonight’s dinner will be shrimp cocktail and street corn. Yummy!

I’ve been watching episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Netflix and I’m sure enjoying it.

My friends have been there for me this week, either through providing rides, taking me to dinner, checking in on me, and sending cards. I will never be able to repay the kindnesses I’ve received.

Something Missing

 

I was about to crawl into bed

And watch some television

When I remembered that I had not written here

I found this coloring page saved in my photos

And realized this empty row boat depicts

How I feel with Jim not here

The world is still beautiful

And nature shines

But something is missing

So I will go watch television

And in the night

I will hear Jim breathing

It happens quite often

When you have rowed with someone so long

It’s hard to row alone

They are always with you

Even when miles away.

For the Love of Rock Shrimp (and Doug)

 Today this photo came up in FB memories:

This was taken at Dixie Crossroads in Titusville by Jim’s brother Doug. We had traveled there for a little getaway, to see Doug, and go to the Kennedy Space Center on this date in 2016.

I first fell in love with rock shrimp in 1986. We had traveled to Florida from Ohio for Thanksgiving weekend with Jim’s family. One night, we all drove to Titusville just to go to Dixie Crossroads. Some kind of family tradition.

The last time I ate at the restaurant was when we visited Doug during Thanksgiving week of 2021. He was terminally ill with cirrhosis of the liver. We feasted at Dixie Crossroads, and Doug shared a lot of his shrimp with me. Despite his ill health, he was friendly to the wait staff and kept us all laughing. I remember that dinner better than the others because we knew it was the last time we’d spend time with him. 

He passed in January 13, 2022.

There was never a visit to Dixie Crossroads without Doug. I don’t know if I will ever return to that restaurant, but it will forever be held in my heart as a place where family love and laughter prevailed.

With Doug in Orlando, December 2014

Owned

I have absolutely no time to write today. Heading to the hospital in a bit. And nothing was presenting itself, anyway.

Then in FB memories, this popped up (click on image to read):

To say I’m being owned by the journey is an understatement. I cannot count all the times I cried today, including when trying to secure a doc appointment and they made excuses why they can’t see me. My tears got me an appointment.

I seriously did not know our healthcare system was this effed up.

Also in FB memories are pictures of travels Jim and I took over the years. It’s making me nostalgic and sad, but happy, too. They are great memories.

Off to journey through this day. Can’t promise there won’t be tears, but I’m still riding on faith, hope, and joy every time I can remember. I feel the prayer wind of people everywhere praying for us. I just got to keep in mind these days won’t last forever.

Mid-July…Where is My Summer?

Thinking out loud here because I’m too tired to do anything else.

I slept okay…the exhaustion is emotional.

My husband is in good hands in the hospital, I know. 

Now I just take care of myself, even as there are things I cannot do…like put on the compression belt. 

Meanwhile, the thing called summer is a blur.

 Soon school will begin again and I don’t feel I will have had any time to rejuvenate.

Just trying to get through each day.

My yoga teacher said she’d send a guided meditation I can listen to. I hope she does.

I’m dragging. 

But I’m breathing. 

So there is my focus.

“We are but a moment’s sunlight…”

Journal entry today

I grew up in an era of political violence. I was all of 8-years-old when John Kennedy was assassinated that Friday in Dallas. The entire country was in shock, and I remember well the days that followed, the additional murder of Lee Harvey Oswald, the adult conversations, the televised funeral. Dark, dark days.

It was quiet for a while, but then came Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy in rapid succession. I was a 7th grader then, but it still made no sense.

In between all of that had been the rise of the hippie culture and the Summer of Love (1967). These things caught my attention and has never let me go. It was in the music and culture. It was part of everything. I still believe in the values I grabbed onto at age 12, and I don't see any reason to give them up. They define me now, even at age 68.

Now there has been an act of political violence once again. The target is someone I disagree with on every level. But to me violence is violence and is not warranted. It solves nothing.

I still believe love does solve everything. This is not airy-fairy because love is HARD.

Today I was reminded of a song that was out during the summer of 1969 -- "Get Together' by The Youngbloods. It begins:

Love is but a song we sing 

Fear the way we die

You can make the mountains sing

Or make the angels cry...

[Listen to full song here.The boy on the bicycle in the video reminds me so much of my little brother it was freaky!]

After the era of violence and unrest in the 1960s, we ended up with a "reset" of sorts. The Youngbloods' song was the anthem for what we needed to do. That summer we had the long-awaited moon landing and three days of peace and love at Woodstock. I was entering high school.

Everything felt possible.

This country needs a reset. The sooner the better. We have never been so far off. We are running on fear and threats of violence and whats-in-it-for-me.

Worst of all, some people are united by hate. How is that a way to live? How does that contribute anything positive to the American Experiment?

In the second verse of the song, we hear:

Some may come and some may go

We will surely pass

When the one* that left us here

Comes for us at last 

We are but a moment's sunlight

Fading in the grass

Life is fleeting. I'm feeling that more than ever these days. When will we get it together? Time is so short.

 

It is worth our time and effort to make a change.

 

The final verse says:

 

Listen

You hold the key to love and fear

All in your trembling hand

Just one key unlocks them both

It's there at your command

I believe love is possible.

I believe peace is possible.

I believe living the values of America is possible. 

I believe the power is within us

At our command.

And I will never stop believing.

 *The writer of the song, Chester Powell, had written the word WIND, not ONE. It was a Buddhist concept of the opposing states we live in: pleasure/pain, loss/gain, praise/blame, disrepute/fame. However, Jesse Colin Young, the leader of the Youngbloods, was Christian so he changed the lyric. You see opposing concepts in love/fear in the song.

Making Coffee

 Journal Entry

 

Before my accident, I had made a decision to reread Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki. It espouses Zen meditation and helps point us in the right direction for proper meditation techniques.

I feel too beat up to actually sit Zazen, but since breathing is a huge part of it, I'm doing fine. Over and over I've been reminded that deep breathing is necessary in my condition to prevent pneumonia. The first person to tell me that was the EMT who took me to the hospital up to the doctor I saw yesterday.

So breathing...I can do that.

Today's chapter was "Mind Weeds."  

Pulling out the weeds we give nourishment to the plant. 

I see this. If I recognize and then clear away my stress and concerns, I can focus on what is necessary and profit from that personally. 

Case in point -- yesterday Erwin, the physical therapy nurse Jim has been seeing -- came for his last visit. I found myself in tears as I watched him leave, watching him go down the stairs. I burst into tears and went into the kitchen and cried. He had done incredible work with Jim during this very difficult, traumatic time. I was so grateful. He had a gift. Knowing he would not be back crushed me.

And I felt so alone.

Then I guess I pulled the weeds. I saw that coffee needed to be set up for the next day. I quit crying and did the simple act of measuring water and coffee, and setting the timer.

Suzuki says:  

When your effort becomes pure, your body and mind become pure. This is the way we practice Zen.

I don't know how pure my mind is. But I do know the coffee today was sure good!

Phone Angels

Yesterday morning was tough. Jim said I probably need someone to talk to.

I knew he was right, so it was added to the list of what seems like 8 thousand things to handle.

In the afternoon, our house phone rang. It was Melissa from my health insurance company calling to see if I need any services. We talked a bit, and we got to counseling.

I’m happy to report I have a telephone appointment this weekend with a counselor. This load I’m carrying is heavy. It will be a relief to talk with a neutral party and maybe get some of this weight lifted.

Lifting

 

For two weeks now

I've been moving slow

 

Can't hold much weight

in my right hand

 

Have to lie on my back to sleep

Feels so rigid

 

Every day seems to bring

a new crisis

 

To stress me and

raise my blood pressure

 

When I need to be resting

It proves impossible.

 

When the caretaker gets injured

the whole house suffers

 

It's a constant weighing of

who is best to do what

 

And it's usually me

 

It is so hard sometimes to not feel sad

for my lost summer

 

I long to do my yoga

Walk in nature

 

Sleep on my side

Not worry about Jim

 

But all this proves

impossible

 

I know my body and 

yes, I am healing

 

People do care, and they

have been here

 

I really don't mean 

to be ungrateful

 

My injuries make it harder

for me to deal with 

my husband's terminal illness

 

And now here is where

I remind myself

 

It's only been two weeks,

Helen, give yourself a break

 

When no one is here to lift me

I just have to lift myself

“There we were, where we are..”

 Journal Entry today

The only thing I wanted to listen to today was James Taylor's Hourglass album from 1997. As I listened, I journaled about what was arising in me.

By the second song the tears were flowing. The chorus of "Enough to Be On Your Way" hits me every time:

It's enough to be on your way

It's enough just to cover ground

It's enough to be moving on

Home--build it behind your eyes

Carry it in your heart

Safe among your own.

What I love about this song is that it seems to be about anything you need it to be. Something about it reaches deep inside me, even now, 27 years later. It was the summer I was waiting to have surgery for what they told me was ovarian cancer, and the whole world felt lit up and healing was within reach. Albums like this one and Sarah MacLachlan's Surfacing helped me through those July days. In fact, I even had Jim bring a CD player to the hospital so I could listen in my room. The power in the music was what I needed at that time, and has been with me ever since. I want to highlight a few of the songs here.

 

"Enough to Be On Your Way" has one of the best lyrics I have ever heard. The song is a narrative about a friend who went missing out west with some Buddhists. The story is both abstract and concrete. My favorite lines from the song come at the end:

He woke me up on a Sunday

An hour before the sun

It had me watchin' the headlights

Out on Highway Five, Nine, One

'Till I stepped into my trousers

'Till I pulled my big boots on

I walked out on the mesa

And I stumbled on this song

 

I just love the imagery of James walking out on the mesa at dawn and finding this song. It is beyond beautiful. Listen here:

I always feel that summer led me to the revelation in November that I wanted to become a teacher. It was like preparing the ground for me.

Likewise, I feel the same this summer -- the health situation with Jim and myself -- is leading me somewhere I cannot see. I sense the end of my career as a public school teacher even though in many ways I'd love to have one final year. It may or may not happen.

Another song that was a favorite is called "Another Day," with lyrics:

Another day

Another chance that we may finally find our way

The sun has begun to melt all our fears away

Another day

Overcoming fear is definitely a theme in this album, as I am just recognizing now. I can see why it was so relevant to me with the cancer scare hanging over me back then.

The song "Up from Your Life" acknowledges that we may often find it hard to get out of our own way. I distinctly remember a moment of my life with this song. It was in the fall when I was falling into depression, and had spent the early hours sunk in my own gloom. I finally pulled myself out of the house to go for a walk in the woods. I started the car and the cassette began to play:

So much for your moment of prayer,

God's not at home 

there is no there, there...

Though I hate to see you surrender,

you need to surrender,

we must find you a way to

Look up from your life

Up from your life

Look up from your life

I remember sitting in the garage laughing at myself for holding on to my own sadness instead of realizing what was available in the moment. I was way too caught up in myself! It was like James was poking fun at me. I heard the message loud and clear. 

 

And today it was the same. These are the words that tumbled out of me while I listened:

 

There is light

There is a way

Fear has no place

Expect the unexpected

 

Give a listen to this very special song.  Branford Marsalis on the sax is stunning!

So those were the songs from 1997 that had me in their grip. So why did I need to listen today?

To discover this one: "Up Er Mei." This is another one that has a lot of abstraction, and today that spoke fully to me. I will need to spend more time with these lyrics to see what they hold for me, so I am adding it to my Emerge Playlist for 2024. By the way, Mount Er Mei is a mountain in China and is the location of a Buddhist temple build in 1st century CE. (Link below) I never even bothered to look this up until today.

Anyway, back to the lyrics: 

We were walking in paradise, never did tumble.

Blind in the Buddha land, looking for trouble

We had been told of a place far beyond this vale of tears

We could never have guessed, we were already blessed

There we were, where we are,

in the garden

in the garden.

 

Seems like words to hang onto! I'll keep you posted if I discover anything new.

 

Listen to lyric video below: 

Mount Er Mei

 

Snail Mail

I cannot believe it’s already 3:20 in the afternoon, and I haven’t had two seconds to write here. And after the day I’ve had, I’m too tired to do much.

Since it was time to check the mail, I did trek out to the box. I don’t have a good habit of checking mail because that is something Jim has done for years. I’m still trying to get myself into a pattern, but most of the time I just don’t think about it. And frankly, there isn’t usually much of interest.

Today was different. I opened the box and, lo and behold, three envelopes were waiting for me! 

I love getting snail mail!

The cards were from a Mary, a high school friend, and Katherine, a teacher friend from school. The watercolor bookmark is from a childhood friend, Liz. It is just another way I’ve witnessed how people reach out and make you feel remembered in their own unique way.

Thanks, friends.

The Dragonfly Notebook

In my summer of purging, I came across the Dragonfly notebook. This was an idea from my friend Wendy. All the students had a composition book to decorate with a variety of pictures I provided, or they found themselves. Then we covered them with contact paper. These books were sturdy and provided writing practice and lessons. I first used this in the 2014-15 school year, when my teaching load was much lighter than it would eventually become—47 students total, all struggling readers. This notebook was how I demonstrated writing poetry and short answer responses. And it went beyond that first year, as there are things dated all the way to 2017. It was my “go-to” when I wanted kids to see how I puzzled through writing or breaking down text, and sometimes it was when we did things together. 

I found some poems in the book that I decided to share here. I consider this notebook a keeper, since it has a lot of easy and powerful ideas I don’t always remember to use. Below you will find some poems that were in the book, things I modeled or perhaps the class wrote together, I'm not sure. Anyway, I found them delightful, and hope you will as well.

The front

The back

*First is the poem that puzzles me as to its origin. It seems to be following a specific pattern, but I have no clue what I was modeling it after. 

Inspiration surprises me

Inspiration surprises me

I am a shining star

My creativity is a guiding light

My creativity is a guiding light

in which I walk

seeking expression

like a Mozart or Van Gogh

How the paths

of the local parks

nourish, nourish

and the silent trees 

nod.

Inspiration rises

between me and things

sparkling

sparkling

strong inspiration acted upon

is beautiful as sunrise

and swift with ideas

Strong inspiration dazzles

Strong inspiration dazzles

opening the mind

and heart.

*This is one I've used many times based on My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss.

On gold days

I feel confident

like an automobile

racing down a winding road

on the edge of a mountain.

 

On red days

I'm energized

like a kid bouncing

on a pogo stick

down the stairs

 

On purple days

I am happy

like clouds floating lazily

in the Florida sky.

* The list poem is always popular. This one made me giggle, then sigh.

List of What I Have to Say to 2nd Period Over and Over

Gerry, do you have a belt?

Terrance, you are not leaving the room

Andrew, sit down

Jamel, get your book

Jose, get back to your seat

Listen to Mrs. Buckner

Ty'ree, open your book

Christian, thank you for being on task

Yes, Zoey, you can write poetry

Yes, David, you can read poetry

I'm so glad you're here.

*And finally, a found poem from when we read The Great Wide Sea.

I remember some prayers

without words

I was shining there with them,

suspended and floating free

I tumbled away from space

Slowly the sun rose on a 

wide, empty sea

Skimming the lake, riding the wind

I opened the door and looked back.

Homework for Life

This is a post I was working on before my world turned upside down.

One of my main projects this summer was to purge a lot of stuff out of my studio, with the goal it would be ready when Braydon arrives for a visit in August -- a room of his own, even though it is just a sleeping bag on the floor.

While unearthing things, I found several journals. One was from my first two years teaching, and also included my "Golden Apple" journeys. I read through every word, revisiting how I worked through my first year of teaching -- and sometimes thought, hmmmm, some things never change...--and how I grew the second year. The Golden Apple stuff...ugh.  

 

I easily tossed that journal. It didn't have much to offer.

 

Then I found my Homework for Life notebook. I first wrote about this concept on my blog in a post titled "Clippings of Love" in July of 2018. After reading through this notebook, I was compelled to share this idea again.

 

The Homework for Life notebook had entries from July 2018 until May 2020. The concept is simple: at the end of each day, write down something that is story worthy--something that you want to remember and could share with others.

 

Reading through the notebook gave me so much joy, I can hardly explain. The fact that it steps us into the pandemic is an additional gift. It reminded me of stories I have long remembered, and it prompted me to remember things I had forgotten all about. An example: there are several entries that mention a student named Dobbin who I taught two different years. Truth be told, I've forgotten all about Dobbin. But there were so many sweet moments with him I recorded, it made me wonder how I could have forgotten him.

Thus the power of Homework for Life.

I cannot part with this particular notebook because I think there are still stories to tell from it. And I immediately revisited Matthew Dicks' video that explains the power of this small technique. I purchased a new notebook and have started again.

If you are reading this, I implore you to watch Matthew's video and start your own Homework for Life notebook. It contains a power that no other writing has. Do it for yourself. You won't regret it.

P.S. Matthew has a blog where he shares a story daily. I am finding it something I look forward to every day.  He always frames things in ways that matter.  Subscribe at Matthew Dicks Blog

 

Sushi Delay No More

The day of the accident was the day I was doing for myself. The plan was yoga, sushi for lunch, and then a drive to Bonita to donate books to Annette. (Her bookstore is set to open this fall.)

Since I got home from the hospital, Margie and Paul were handling the meals. When they left on Friday, I decided I had the energy to make us an easy, yummy dinner, which I did. But it wasn’t easy on my body, and I vowed that I’d make other arrangements for the weekend.

After deliberating in a number of different ways on what kind of food to have for dinner, Jim and I agreed on Jason’s Deli. My friend Debbie had offered to bring it by, her treat.

That left lunchtime, and I was hungry. I had been at Convenient Care at 8 a.m. this morning getting my swelling leg checked out for possible blood clots. I woke up my friend Honey at the crack of dawn to drive me. It included a trip to Gulf Coast Medical for an ultrasound. Thankfully, all is clear.

Back to lunch. I remembered my plan for sushi over a week ago, and decided now is the time. My appetite is back and I have an Uber Eats gift card from my friend Leah. No time like the present to learn how to order and eat one of my favorites: Ninja Sunset Roll.

I added on a ginger salad and it was a feast for a Queen! 

Being gentle on myself today after a luscious and easy-to-obtain lunch feels just right. The phone isn’t ringing and texts from insurance companies and lawyers aren’t coming through. I know there is much to be done, but for now….rest.

Where I Am Now

 It’s just after 2:30 p.m and I finally got to quiet down, listen to music, and write.

On May 28th, I wrote about how important it is to love where we are at, based on an Allen Stone song.

Do I love where I’m at? Injured with a long healing? The future of everything from my teaching life to Jim’s life, all up in the air?

I guess I’m missing my own point here. So, I ask again…

Do I love where I’m at?

In this very moment (the only moment there is), I have to say yes.

I have music, a clean house, a husband who helps me maintain what I need for healing, plenty of food, neighbors and friends to help, and time to rest.

I am also enjoying two beautiful flower bouquets sent to me from my friends Stacy and Natalie. Who can not love being surrounded with yellow, white, and purple?

Breathe it in!

PS. And a while after I posted this, more flowers arrived, adding color to the mix. I love my colorful life!

Pool Boy

 

This is my brother-in-law Paul, who hopped in the car and drove two days to be here after my auto accident. He is currently installing two grab bars in our water closet to help keep us more secure.

Paul likes to swim in the morning, so he has been using our community pool. The first day he went, there was one other older lady up there during the time he was there.

The next day, Paul noted there were three ladies.

By yesterday, there was a cache of six to seven. Word had spread of this new, good-looking guy swimming laps in the pool. Can’t you just see the text messages flying in the hands of these ladies cell phones?

I’d love to tell these women that they’re looking at one of the funniest, hard-working, loyal, energetic, and giving individuals on the planet. I just told him I could never ever repay him for what he has done for us this week. He has made us laugh, been there every second needed, prepped food, and did housework and maintenance. All while doing his regular paid job, which included plenty of zoom meetings.

Paul is a marvel in my eyes. I will be sad when he leaves tomorrow.

But meanwhile, to the neighborhood ladies getting an eyeful…

Eat your hearts out, sisters…he belongs to us.

How Melody Inspires

I’m not talking about music melody. I’m talking about my friend Melody.

And when I say “friend,” I always get a wry smile. I went to high school at St. Joseph Academy with Melody, and we were always friendly with each other, but never once do I remember hanging out. So she is a new version of friend.

A Facebook friend.

It is because of FB, I came to know what a wise, kind, brave, generous, creative, hilarious person Melody is.

Then, when the pandemic hit and my friend Laurie formed an on-line writing group, I got to know her even better, by hearing her voice and seeing her face, even if just on Zoom.

Yesterday she posted something about the recent SCOTUS decision and I sent her a message:

Melody wrote back pretty quickly and had these wise words:

I’m sharing this here today to remember how I was feeling during this time of uncertainty in my life and in the country. It is all wound together in my mind now. I have had moments of envisioning some amazing  outcomes to all of this. And I’m ever grateful I have Melody in my life, keeping it light and keeping it real. I always feel she and I hold the vision together. And I guess that is what meeting in the early 70s was really setting us up for—this 3rd chapter part of our lives when the world has taken a turn that the nuns at St Joes probably warned us about! 

Today Melody posted this. It is giving me something to meditate on, a target to shoot for. There is much work to be done in my life and in the country. My job now is to keep myself in balance, one step at a time.

Well, my perfect streak ended…

 …but it wasn’t my fault! 

It’s morning. The sun is out.  I got my glasses. I got my Kind Almond Butter Granola bar. I got the most perfect coffee in the world made by my sweetheart.

I have family here providing much needed help. And I feel like I’m growing stronger quickly.

Thank you, my many hospital visitors. And sorry to those I warded off when I was having my bad hospital day. The gifts were appreciated, especially the chocolates I shared with the nurses.

Thank you to all who texted and emailed and called. Your words lifted me and I could feel the prayer wind.

Thank you, cousin Doreen in Asheville, who sent me an email on Saturday morning because I wasn’t blogging and she knew something might be wrong. 

Writers gotta write. And I have lots to write about. But not today. This is just my reentry.

What I do want to say is this: a comment was made to me that the man who smashed into me had “ruined my life.” I had not for a second felt like a victim in this scenario. I could not even relate to those words. I could never square it with all the things I have written in here that remind me of the Oneness of all things and God’s vision for me. I am already starting to see it. 

And I have no doubt all will be well.