Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts

Monday, December 16, 2024

Stopped in My Tracks: Fortune Cookie

I cannot believe I haven’t written on this blog in almost two weeks. It isn’t that I hadn’t thought of things to write about. It was more about gathering the focus to do so when other things were swirling around me. These last few weeks have found a decrease in the meetings and paperwork and such I was doing for so long, and has been replaced with parties and gatherings and decorating and my first book club meeting. 

One thing that occurred more than once is a moment of awe —something showed up that stopped me in my tracks and made me take notice. It helped turn the prism a little to see a slightly different color. I will be sharing these in the next few blogs, and will watch for new ones as I venture through life.

The first one came in a fortune cookie:


I had just finished my meal and opened this cookie and was stopped in my tracks. I set the message down on the counter and it has been there ever since. This little slip of paper gave me permission to not feel like I have to do anything. Sure, there are a gazillion things I can be doing around here on any given day. I will know when to do those things. And for the most part, it isn’t today, or maybe even this week. I am well aware I am still in healing mode, and grief mode, and pushing myself through cleaning out drawers or closets does not sound like where I need to spend my time. Instead, I socialize, read, enjoy binge-watching shows, and make sure I get good food in me every day. 

And breathing. Always breathing!

I don’t have to take care of everything. I only have to take care of me.

Friday, November 29, 2024

A Sudden Calm

I’ve been feeling a bit more off balance than I’d like, and doing everything I can to get a grip. It comes and goes and I’m wishing I felt more solid.

Taking time to be with friends these last few days has been good, but I’m still feeling some anxiety.

After I wrote my blog yesterday, I was reading other things and it all started to get to me.

Then I read Matthew Dicks’ blog which is emailed to me every day. You may recognize the name—he’s the storyteller who created Homework for Life, a practice I continue.

Anyway, his blog was about meeting a friend in despair over the state of our world, and he talked to his friend, sharing the difficulties of the past—concentration camps in Germany, the draft during the Vietnam War, the economic issues of the 1970s — and he assured his friend that we all come out of these things by taking small steps. He ended the blog saying “In every small way, find a way,” and with this image:


I felt an immediate calm.

I’ve never seen this image before, but yesterday I never needed something as much as it. All I could do was stare at it. I didn’t even want to think about the meaning.

But today I did write about it in my journal:

I look at this truncated tree, and the instrument that did the damage. I feel it is my life that got cut down—my teaching life and my married life. And I’ve always known and felt there would be new directions for me, things I can’t imagine right now. So I see this so perfectly rendered and it moves me deeply. It removes anxiety. It’s factual.

This happened. 

And is still happening

In every small way, find a way.




Tuesday, October 22, 2024

Coming Out of a Long Struggle (Lectio Divina #2)

Something changed for me yesterday.

Prompted by things that have been happening, some communication I was doing with Jim, and reading that was inspiring me, I came back to myself.

At one point, I looked at my blog from September. I was particularly taken with the one where I had a picture of Alice in Wonderland looking at herself in a pond. At the time I had just been moved to a different hospital and I was wondering who I even was. I didn’t have my rituals. I wasn’t able to see my husband. I felt pretty lost. 

Somehow revisiting that time was good for me. I realized how far I have come from those days, and suddenly I just felt settled into the way things are. All day I felt it. I was doing a lot of reading. The company came and picked up all these oxygen supplies that have been sitting around here. Adios to that! I had a good trip to Target. And I went to Lectio Divina.

There we had a reading (find it below)where two things stuck out to me.

Struggling means living.

Divided parts/ integrated whole

I wrote this prayer:

Dear God, when I turn to you, you never let me down. In my anxiety and struggle, you gently lead me. Listening with faith, trusting your wisdom is what works. It’s the connection. The ability to have someone point the way. Intuition is God— is You. The miracle is always in the moment – – the miracle to release the struggle and feel alive. The miracle to heal the wounds, be energetic and free. There are a lot of people in the world who speak inspiring words. May I listen and honor the wisdom that comes my way over and over. Acknowledge them. Be grateful.🌻

So that took care of the struggle part.

Then I started to reflect on the parts versus the whole. I reflected:

I just looked at the scar on my arm, I thought of the bruise still on my right breast, and the open wound by my bellybutton. These are parts, but they don’t divide me. They are somehow integrating me into wellness.

Then I thought of Alice again.  I used her name to write an acrostic.

Alice was looking and I tried to look, but could not see.

Lately that is changing. I feel more like me.

In my tears and writing and walking and reading and chores and music listening, I’m coming back.

Can’t say anything will be the same as it was, but why would I want it to be?

Everything is temporary… Even the me I am today.




Monday, October 21, 2024

Intuition

 Way back in 2003, a friend gave me a dystopian novel called Just a Couple of Days. This book has been on my shelf all these years and I finally read it over this past month.

The book held my attention, although I actually wouldn’t recommend it. But last night while I was reading, something jumped out at me and it made me wonder… How is it we find what we need at the exact moment we probably need it?

It was this quote on page 329:

Faith is the genuine trust in intuition.

This year I have thought a great deal about faith and trust, but I haven’t thought a lot about intuition. But isn’t that what’s always happening?

Yesterday was a great example. Right before I went to church, I was having trouble with my printer. I looked up how to fix it according to the error code I was getting, and decided that I would figure it out when I got home from church. There appeared to be several steps that were unnerving me. This caused me anxiety. Right now I don’t need anything going wrong, even an error code on my printer. I would just like to get through a day without having to handle some kind of a crazy thing.

So it was on my mind while I was at church, and I found myself praying for an answer. I’m not sure why it had me so upset, but it did and I was trying very hard to hold it together.

Near the end of the service, I heard a little voice tell me that when I get home do research again and go from there. I realized that the information I had was from 2019, and I thought well, I’ll look and see if there’s anything more recent. Well, there was and it fixed the problem pronto with a couple easy steps. Where is my faith? My trust? Am I selling myself short?

Were my prayers answered in church? Or was it my intuition?

Are they the same thing?




Saturday, October 19, 2024

“Shrinking” Pain

Last night, I watched the first two episodes of the second season of the Apple TV show Shrinking. It’s a terrific show with a great cast, including Harrison Ford.

The show features an army vet with PTSD named Sean. Harrison Ford plays a therapist named Paul and he starts treating Sean. This is where it got interesting to me. Sean was having a hard time with a potential problem he saw coming up. Paul told him that when this happens he is to close his eyes and take himself through the absolute worst case scenario, saying the words out loud, and that he is to do this until he bursts into the light and is able to say PAIN SETS ME FREE.

As I was listening to this last night, and watching how Sean put it into action, I thought “This is something I really need to remember.” Yesterday I was having a hard time with really crappy memories coming up, feeling some trauma again, and actually not looking forward to the future. I had not been feeling that way, so it was a little disheartening. But this little segment showed me that perhaps I just need to walk my way through those times, and feel the pain that goes with it rather than avoiding it, which was probably what I was doing yesterday. I can free myself from the pain I’m holding in and doing my best to ignore.

I’m documenting this here, hopefully so I won’t forget.

If you have Apple TV, I highly recommend the show Shrinking.

[ADDENDUM] Within an hour of posting this I recognized I needed to use it. Let me tell you…it works.  Lots of tears, but lots of comfort, too.



Sunday, September 15, 2024

Melancholy Morning

 Once again, the darkness was getting to me.

It seems I have to wait so long for daylight.

So I took some advice here:


I put on my playlist for this year with many special songs,

Closed my eyes and listened,

And by the time it was over, the daylight had come.

Friday, August 23, 2024

Staying Afloat

The Democratic National Convention saved me this week. I watched every night but Monday, and thoroughly enjoyed the energy, enthusiasm, vibes, music, and message. It helped me stay afloat in a sea of darkness, my health once more at issue, and distance from my husband greater.

This is a photo from The New York Times, and it made me think…this is for all the girls of color I’ve taught through the years. It’s time we embraced diversity and a country that reflects the reality of the people who live here. There will never be true unity without it. 

This is the moment.

Thank you, Dems, for keeping my spirits lifted and alive.



Tuesday, August 13, 2024

Good * True * Beautiful

 Meditating on this quote today….


GOOD

…those who care for others

…those who help us see the way

…those who tell us of our gifts

TRUE

…where connections bolster, not break

…friendships and marriage

…where souls and spirit meet inside of us and between others

BEAUTIFUL

…our natural selves, the way we were created

…our compassion and love

…our genuine trust in the universe to provide all we need

We are never without

GOOD * TRUE * BEAUTIFUL

Friday, August 2, 2024

Intention

 

Journal Entry 8.2.24

Today I was to be starting year 21 of my teaching life -- my planned final year.

Life has had other plans for me, and as the summer ends for all my teacher friends, today I feel it's beginning for me.

My accident, injuries, and Jim's health have been all-consuming. I've watched as friends took magnificent trips to the top of the Andes in Peru to zip-lining in Puerto Rico. The idea of any of these things seems far away and unrelatable to me right now.

As does teaching. Simply no way my brain can go there.

Today, however, still promotes an inner shift. I looked back at a quote I had saved in my photos for inspiration, and came upon this:

 

It's rare to hear the name Wayne Dyer these days, but there was a time he was everywhere. His popular psychology was easy to understand and he was personable and approachable. He produced books and appeared on Oprah and had his own shows on PBS stations. He was a friend of my minister when I was attending Unity of Greater Cleveland, and he spoke to our congregation more than once. I have two books autographed by him: Real Magic and Your Sacred Self. These books were guides for me in my late thirties.

Today I got curious about something I remembered I found highly inspiring and life-altering in one of his books. Back in the day, I had returned to it over and over again. I couldn't recall exactly what it was, but it was easy to find because I had kept a bookmark on the page, the number being circled and the quote highlighted:

The secret to changing your life is in your intention. (Real Magic p. 76)

When I read this over thirty years ago, I remember how it transformed my view of what was possible -- and how it is always up to me to make the most of any situation.

For weeks now -- probably months -- I have not thought much about my intentions for myself -- at least not in those terms. I've let Jim's health and other circumstances run the engine. If I had any intentions, it was related to teaching and how I was going to address the course I've responsible for teaching in a new way. As of now, that's not happening.

But I have not replaced with any other intentions. When teaching was ripped away, I had no replacement.

Today I realize it's time to think beyond the immediate. I'm in a place in my healing that I feel it's possible.

I've said over and over these past few weeks that everything feels like a big question mark. Now I think that perhaps with considering what my real intention might be, I can move away from question marks a to periods, or maybe even exclamation points. Wouldn't that be something!!!

I know I cannot rush my healing. I know I cannot predict what will happen with Jim. But I feel there is some kind of intention I can put into place that will empower me a bit.

It has to be just right, because times are tender. I don't know what it is yet.

My intention is to find out. And as the quote above says, I need to do it in the context of what life currently is. That is the only way I can do this in a way that will bring peace.


Sunday, July 28, 2024

How It Is

 Scrolling through Facebook this morning, this quote hit me hard:

Immediately I knew that once again I was off the path of letting things be as they are.

I want more energy. I want Jim to be stronger and well. I want him home. I want, I want , I want…

Destructive desire.

All unhappiness comes from wanting things to be different than they are.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

“There we were, where we are..”

 Journal Entry today

The only thing I wanted to listen to today was James Taylor's Hourglass album from 1997. As I listened, I journaled about what was arising in me.

By the second song the tears were flowing. The chorus of "Enough to Be On Your Way" hits me every time:

It's enough to be on your way
It's enough just to cover ground
It's enough to be moving on
Home--build it behind your eyes
Carry it in your heart
Safe among your own.

What I love about this song is that it seems to be about anything you need it to be. Something about it reaches deep inside me, even now, 27 years later. It was the summer I was waiting to have surgery for what they told me was ovarian cancer, and the whole world felt lit up and healing was within reach. Albums like this one and Sarah MacLachlan's Surfacing helped me through those July days. In fact, I even had Jim bring a CD player to the hospital so I could listen in my room. The power in the music was what I needed at that time, and has been with me ever since. I want to highlight a few of the songs here.
 
"Enough to Be On Your Way" has one of the best lyrics I have ever heard. The song is a narrative about a friend who went missing out west with some Buddhists. The story is both abstract and concrete. My favorite lines from the song come at the end:

He woke me up on a Sunday
An hour before the sun
It had me watchin' the headlights
Out on Highway Five, Nine, One
'Till I stepped into my trousers
'Till I pulled my big boots on
I walked out on the mesa
And I stumbled on this song
 
I just love the imagery of James walking out on the mesa at dawn and finding this song. It is beyond beautiful. Listen here:


I always feel that summer led me to the revelation in November that I wanted to become a teacher. It was like preparing the ground for me.

Likewise, I feel the same this summer -- the health situation with Jim and myself -- is leading me somewhere I cannot see. I sense the end of my career as a public school teacher even though in many ways I'd love to have one final year. It may or may not happen.

Another song that was a favorite is called "Another Day," with lyrics:

Another day
Another chance that we may finally find our way
The sun has begun to melt all our fears away
Another day

Overcoming fear is definitely a theme in this album, as I am just recognizing now. I can see why it was so relevant to me with the cancer scare hanging over me back then.

The song "Up from Your Life" acknowledges that we may often find it hard to get out of our own way. I distinctly remember a moment of my life with this song. It was in the fall when I was falling into depression, and had spent the early hours sunk in my own gloom. I finally pulled myself out of the house to go for a walk in the woods. I started the car and the cassette began to play:

So much for your moment of prayer,
God's not at home 
there is no there, there...
Though I hate to see you surrender,
you need to surrender,
we must find you a way to
Look up from your life
Up from your life
Look up from your life

I remember sitting in the garage laughing at myself for holding on to my own sadness instead of realizing what was available in the moment. I was way too caught up in myself! It was like James was poking fun at me. I heard the message loud and clear. 
 
And today it was the same. These are the words that tumbled out of me while I listened:
 
There is light
There is a way
Fear has no place
Expect the unexpected
 
Give a listen to this very special song.  Branford Marsalis on the sax is stunning!

So those were the songs from 1997 that had me in their grip. So why did I need to listen today?

To discover this one: "Up Er Mei." This is another one that has a lot of abstraction, and today that spoke fully to me. I will need to spend more time with these lyrics to see what they hold for me, so I am adding it to my Emerge Playlist for 2024. By the way, Mount Er Mei is a mountain in China and is the location of a Buddhist temple build in 1st century CE. (Link below) I never even bothered to look this up until today.

Anyway, back to the lyrics: 

We were walking in paradise, never did tumble.
Blind in the Buddha land, looking for trouble
We had been told of a place far beyond this vale of tears
We could never have guessed, we were already blessed
There we were, where we are,
in the garden
in the garden.
 
Seems like words to hang onto! I'll keep you posted if I discover anything new.
 
Listen to lyric video below: 



 

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

How Melody Inspires

I’m not talking about music melody. I’m talking about my friend Melody.

And when I say “friend,” I always get a wry smile. I went to high school at St. Joseph Academy with Melody, and we were always friendly with each other, but never once do I remember hanging out. So she is a new version of friend.

A Facebook friend.

It is because of FB, I came to know what a wise, kind, brave, generous, creative, hilarious person Melody is.

Then, when the pandemic hit and my friend Laurie formed an on-line writing group, I got to know her even better, by hearing her voice and seeing her face, even if just on Zoom.

Yesterday she posted something about the recent SCOTUS decision and I sent her a message:



Melody wrote back pretty quickly and had these wise words:

I’m sharing this here today to remember how I was feeling during this time of uncertainty in my life and in the country. It is all wound together in my mind now. I have had moments of envisioning some amazing  outcomes to all of this. And I’m ever grateful I have Melody in my life, keeping it light and keeping it real. I always feel she and I hold the vision together. And I guess that is what meeting in the early 70s was really setting us up for—this 3rd chapter part of our lives when the world has taken a turn that the nuns at St Joes probably warned us about! 

Today Melody posted this. It is giving me something to meditate on, a target to shoot for. There is much work to be done in my life and in the country. My job now is to keep myself in balance, one step at a time.






Thursday, June 27, 2024

Around and Around We Go

 It is Thursday, and my first thought is Why is the summer going so fast?

My second is How will I ever get everything accomplished I need to do?

Because I'm tired.

We had 3 doctor appointments in two days. Jim is worn to a frazzle. I'm getting there myself.

There are many things I've been planning to write here, but I have not found the time or energy to follow through. I will, of course. But probably not today.

I've set small goals for myself for today, but even those are starting to feel like too much.

So I'm backing off and following through on three things I committed to already -- going to a yoga class, getting myself sushi for lunch, and taking more books to Annette in Bonita Springs.

**

I've been committed to getting reading done as well, and yesterday I finished the Nick Cave book. He has some quotes that I recorded in my velvet book. When I got to the end, he had something to say that I knew I want to record here so I have it always. I feel it speaks to what happens here on this blog -- I go around and around with the same thoughts, learning lessons over and over. It often feels like I'm not really getting anywhere, which is why his final words had so much power to me.

Well, read the quote and see what you think:

Stumbling forward is a beautiful way of putting it, but I wonder if the notion of forwardness is correct. Perhaps what I mean to say is that although we feel we are moving in a forward direction, in my estimation we are forever moving in a circular way, with all the things we love and remember in tow, and carrying all our needs and yearnings and hurts along with us, and all the people who have poured themselves into us and made us what we are, and all the ghosts who travel with us. It's like we are running towards God, but that God's love is also the wind that is pushing us on, as both the impetus and the destination, and it resides in both the living and the dead. Around and around we go, encountering the same things, again and again, but within this movement things happen that change us, annihilate us, shift our relationship to the world. It is this circular motion that grows more essential and affirming and necessary with each turn.


Tuesday, June 25, 2024

The Contenders

Digging through a box of things I brought from school, I unearthed this book.

It was a signal to me of something that happened near the end of school which I meant to write about.

I first became aware of this book The Contender by Robert Lipsyte when I worked at Lehigh Senior High. I think it was when I taught sophomores it was one of the choices in our Literature Circles.

My second year at Cypress Lake Middle found me teaching struggling readers, many of whom were kids of color and had no real reading habits. At the time we had 84 minute periods, and I tried my best to have them read their self-selected books and have meaningful discussions. But if you ever tried to do that, you will know how difficult it can be.

That's when I decided to teach a novel, and I thought of The Contender. My friend Susan from Lehigh brought me the books. They are still at CLMS today. The books are falling apart from use, because I taught this book several times over the years. But I just can't trash them, no matter what. The novel has a place in my heart.

The story takes place in the 1960s, and the main character is a black teenager named Alfred. He has dropped out of high school and is aimless, working at a grocery store and pretty much just hanging around with his druggie friend James. Somehow Alfred decides he wants to be a boxer, and takes a chance on learning how. This novel has a passage where Alfred crosses the street at a green light, races up several flights of steps, level to level, and then arrives at the boxing studio. 

 A faint light leaked through a crack, and he hurled himself up to it, paused, took another breath, and plunged into a large, murky room.

"Yeah?" A short, stocky man with crew-cut white hair looked up. His pale face was smooth and hard.

"I...I'm...I'm Albert Brooks," he said, gasping. "I come...to be...a fighter."

His apprehension is palatable, and it is one of my favorite all time passages to teach. There is so much to unpack, not the least the symbol of the green light telling him it was okay to push himself to take this step.

Essentially, the book is about making yourself ready for whatever is to come...and friendship. Great themes for my learners.

**

This year in my first block class I had a black boy names Sam, a kind, hard-working kid. He consistently did well, and was liked by everyone. Late in the year I got a new (white) boy -- Grayson -- from another middle school in the area. He came in and got right to work on the Titanic project and did an exceptional job. I was quite impressed with him. I didn't really know why he left his other school halfway through 4th quarter, but I know there were reasons.

Well, one day I had something laid out on the table for the students to pick up, and when Grayson got to the table he took both hands and shoved Sam down. Fortunately, there was a chair there to catch Sam, otherwise he would have gone right down to the floor. The look on Sam's face -- he was stunned. I was stunned as well.

I wrote a referral and got Grayson out of the class. 

Later, my AP came by and started asking me questions about it. I told her it was so unusual and unexpected, I didn't know what to make of it. She said she'd talk to both boys. I said I'd call the dad.

When talking to dad, who had a messy divorce and shared custody with Grayson's mom, I learned of health issues and a certain medication that might have lead Grayson to act in some kind of violent way. Mrs. George, my AP, talked to the boys who both said they are friends. Sam expressed how surprised he was by Grayson's action. Secretly, I had been concerned it was a black/white thing, but thankfully this didn't seem to be the case. Everything was fine after that.

**

In The Contender, Albert's trainer is a man named Donatelli. This is his response when Albert says he wants to be a champion:

Everybody wants to be a champion. That's not enough. You have to start by wanting to be a contender, the man coming up, the man who knows there's a good chance he'll never get to the top, the man who's willing to sweat and bleed to get up as high as his legs and his brains and his heart will take him...It's the climbing that makes the man. Getting to the top is an extra reward.

**

The second last day of school, I randomly decided to pull out a couple of The Contender books from the bin, a couple that weren't falling apart. I decided I wanted to gift them to a couple of students.

I chose Sam and Grayson.

I pulled them each over individually and told them I saw them as contenders. Neither knew what that was, but once I explained, they understood. I explained to each of them I saw them as someone who had a good shot at being a champion at whatever they decided to do. Sam didn't show much reaction. Grayson was very grateful I saw him that way, and he let me know that. I could tell he was touched.

There was a small concern I had that Sam was perhaps annoyed that I gave him, the only black student in the class, a book with a black boy on the cover.Turned out that should not have been a concern at all. 

On the last day the kids don't bring backpacks of much of anything to school. But there was Sam with the book in his hand. It was like he couldn't let it go. We were doing various games and activities and in between he'd have his nose back in the book. He was well into it, and noticeably gobbling it up. 

It did my heart good. It helped me know I made the right choice.


Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Another Reminder

Reading Parker Palmer’s essay “A Wilderness Pilgrimage,” I came across this thought:

Watching wilderness overcome devastation has helped me see how suffering can serve as a seedbed for renewal. Even more, it has offered reassurance that in the great cycle of life and death, new life always gets the last word.

This serves to remind me of the power of nature, and the spirit that animates it all. Nothing is without purpose. I know I ebb and flow on this idea here in my writings…but I always know it is the highest truth, even when I seem to forget.

Right now, I’m better at letting things be and taking care of myself. It is easier because Jim is feeling good. I will take him for his labs and then take the rest of the day for myself. It seems like the best use of a summer Tuesday. 💚



Sunday, June 16, 2024

Wholeness (acrostic)

 


Wholeness is already

Here, waiting to be recognized. I

Only have to turn away from thoughts that

Limit this truth.

Everything has a season and it

Not only serves me, it enhances my life in

Ever changing and surprising ways.

So today I invite in what is already there.

So today I recognize wholeness as the essence of the art of being.

***

(Inspired by reading “A Season of Paradox” by Parker J. Palmer)

Saturday, June 1, 2024

Just Write

 
You know what? Just write. 
Show up every day and write something. 
And keep writing. Even when you think you
don't have something to say, just do it. And 
wonderful things will happen. -- Paul McCartney

I saw this and knew I had to take a moment on this blog to celebrate that I have come this far and have been writing every day. Today I am closing in on five full months of writing every day.

Paul's advice isn't new by any means -- I've heard it from every writer I admire: Anne Lamott, Julia Cameron, Natalie Goldberg, and more. But it never gets old. And when I see how it has worked for me this year of all years, how I've been able to keep it going without fail...well, wonderful things have happened. I keep in touch with myself and my friends can keep in touch with me. I find I have to stretch at times, but that is as it should be. 

When Jim got ill, I was worried at first -- could I keep up? I'm glad to report it has not been a problem. 

Writing every day reinforces to me once again that this is my vocation. Putting words on the page has been a huge part of my life as far back as I can remember. It is my expression, my pathway, my savior. 

I say this coming off a year where I didn't write much beyond in my journal, and it was a bit of a hole in my life. I committed to this year because of my lack of motion last year. I've come to realize that hole was needed to give me something to fill this year. 

I’m facing a different kind of summer, and this project will be something to keep me afloat. I can’t wait to see where it takes me 🩵🩷💚

 


Thursday, April 25, 2024

Apricity

This is the post I was going to write the other day, but I didn’t.

Then today I needed it.

I’ve been reading an essay a day out of Anne Lamotta’s new book Somehow. In the essay with the same title she talked about “apricity” which is the warmth of the sun in the winter. Growing up in Ohio, I know what a lovely feeling that is.

Today I felt out of sorts. I was sleepless for a couple hours again last night, after a few nights of solid sleep. I can feel the difference. I’ve let myself get annoyed by minor things again. I couldn’t seem to get myself right. And I was feeling additional irritation at trying to figure out what I should write here.

I read Nikita Gill’s poem “Becoming” in which she says:

This woman that you are today,
You became her by breaking
Over and over and over again.

I contemplated that for a bit. I wondered if somehow I was breaking. I couldn’t find an answer to that.

Then I remembered what I was going to write about the other day. I revisited my notes, and I found Anne’s advice for what to do when you’re feeling down:

Make a list of gratitudes
Do chores
Be kind to yourself
Be of service
Get outside
Breathe

I immediately made the list. And, no surprise, I felt lighter. The underlying agitation was chased  away.

Anne calls this the “launch code when under attack” and I think I need it more than I know. It shortens to these words:

Gratitude * Chores * Chocolate * Service * Nature * Breathe

APRICITY!




Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Had a plan, but…

I had arranged in my mind what I would write about today, but first we had the cancer center and I had to make a run to Publix and make lunch and, oh yeah, gotta make a call to Consumer Cellular because Jim’s phone isn’t hooking up right.

So we make the call and all that I’m thinking is this has to be quick, I have a mountain of grading and interims are tomorrow. 

We were on nearly an hour. The issue isn’t even resolved, and now I have to go to the store and see if someone can fix the problem. Not the way I want to spent my Saturday afternoon this weekend.

Anyway, I became a grump as you can see, but in the midst of it all I looked out the window and 

WOW

The sky.

Pema Chodron says, Beyond all that fuss and bother is a big sky. Right there in the middle of the tempest, we can drop it and relax.

It’s from her book When Things Fall Apart, and it’s one of my favorite quotes of all time.

I can’t say I fully relaxed. But I did feel a certain grace extended my way from that sky, those clouds, and the stunning gentleness of an April day. It’s another example of how nature can reach out and soothe us even in our busiest times.


Monday, April 22, 2024

Monday Morning

My word for the year is EMERGE, and I keep thinking I should write about it. Somehow, the process of emerging is hard to see and report on.

A couple of connected inspirations came my way today, quotes to contemplate. The first is from Anne Lamotta’s essay “Minus Tide:”

…the question is how do you notice your own life force now?

I don’t have an answer except to say that the last two nights I slept exceptionally well, and I feel stronger because of it.

The other is from Rumi’s poem “Silkworms:”

Without legs, we fly.

I don’t have a comment ready for that one yet. Going to take it into my day and see.

I somehow think both of these are related to emerging, and I need more time to observe how they connect to my daily life.

Meanwhile, I’m grateful for the wisdom of these sages. It reminds me we all have important work to do, and the capacity to do it.




Year in Review 2024…and an Ending

  For a while I have been finding it difficult to get myself to this blog. I will write entire things out in my journal that I think I want ...