Tiny Folded Maps Revisited

My daily reading of Anne Lamott’s new book

Somehow:Thoughts on Love

has infiltrated my system,

bringing me back to

a found poem I wrote

last Sunday that, frankly,

baffled me. I didn’t know

what it was about.

But as I read the second

last chapter today, my

heart started to feel at rest

when I realized the dream I hold

in that tiny folded map

is my deep desire to bring

out the best in my learners

through love and joy.

The window I needed to open

was to my own cross-purposes.

How I was preventing the light

and needed to awaken to a

deeper love and find joy once more.

The hidden symmetries have been

revealed to me…

and it is a reward…a passage…a homecoming.

Anne talks about how 

God sets creation in motion

and is with us every step of the way,

eliciting a helpful spark within us,

the bright shining spark…

Be the spark.

Tomorrow, that reality begins.

Tiny Folded Map

 Found poem from “My Daughter Asleep” by David Whyte.

I carry

dreams

like a tiny

folded map,

a path that leads,

and I

walk

making

invisible prayers.

Let the window open

Let the moonlight in

And in the darkness

My heart be a lantern 

to light the way.

Awaken. Awaken. Awaken.

To these 

unspoken shadows,

a quiet

request-

for the great

and hidden

symmetries

of life to

be a reward…

a passage…

a home coming.

Owl

Today is the New Moon, a time each month I pull a medicine card to get a preview of what is coming. This time I pulled Owl, which stands for deception. When I read through the book* which gives many interpretations, I always look for the one that seems to make the most sense. Today it was the final paragraph I am going to note here. It goes well with some things I’ve been experiencing, and I want to keep this in my awareness.

If you pulled the Owl card, you are being asked to use your powers of keen, silent observation to intuit some life situation. Owl is befriending you and aiding you in seeing the total truth. Owl can bring you messages in the night through dreams or meditation. Pay attention to the signals and omens. The truth always brings further enlightenment.

* Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams & David Carson, 1988.

Brilliant Blue (a haibun)

 This morning I clearly remembered seeing a Blue Jay in my dream.  It looked like this:

I was so delighted to see it! I did register, however, that it didn’t look like most Jays I know…the typical Blue Jay or even the Florida Scrub Jay. They both have a bit more black and/or white. I knew in my dream the bird looked different. It also was fairly large. The feeling I had seeing this bird was pure joy.

The photo above is Unicolor Jay. It lives in Mexico and other parts of Central America. I have never heard of it, nor did I know it existed. Yet, there it was making its presence known in my dream.

I looked up what having a Blue Jay in a dream means, and was glad to see it was positive. I will end this with a haiku I wrote in honor of this small experience that looms large inside me today.

Feathers brilliant blue

Bringing me perseverance 

Peace and harmony

21. Pregnant

 #66Challenge

 

I had a dream I was walking along, then I sat down. A doctor (female, Indian) approached me and told me I was pregnant.

I knew it was the truth.

And I was happy. Ageless.

Nothing else involved, and no one else.

All I can think now is that I'm pregnant with the possibility of birthing something new in my classroom, somehow pulling together to grow and learn and thrive.

I'm pregnant with ideas on how to let the kids do the productive struggle instead of me constantly struggling against them. Breathing into, rather than holding my breath.

It will be much like those midnight feedings and even colicky babies you have to drive around in the car to soothe and get quiet calm. In other words, it will be rocky for a while, I am sure.

I am slowly giving birth to what I already know...and what I don't.

This is a sacred time for me, and I need to keep my mind on

love

wisdom

caring

listening

lifting

and recognizing the 

moments of 

brilliance.

 

Productive Brilliance (7 Lines/7 Days #81)

 #108Weeks

November 28-December 4, 2021

Orchid Bee photo by Kara Vereen. 2021

I dreamt of crystals again -- this time they were buried in sand

This week was a new beginning

I'm doing well keeping loving attention

I started privately giving "orchid bee" recognition to learners showing "productive brilliance"

My bottom line: I am a reading teacher who will stick with what she believes no matter the horrible curriculum sent her way

I realized (from journal entries) that the day I saw the two eagles on the roof was the beginning of this part of my journey -- it was October 5th, the day of my first meltdown

Friday tried my patience, but my goals for the week were met, so I am happy

13. Letting Go

 #66Challenge

 

When I began this challenge, I thought I'd be writing about all the cool things happening in the classroom, as I have in the past. But the idea of that never really jelled, and now here I am...

Yesterday in my Write Around the Corner meeting, our facilitator Dana pulled an Oracle card with the statement

What is already with you?

When she read the commentary, one sentence stood out to me. This is what I wrote, which provoked a 40 minute conversation. All in all, very needed and very healing.

 

(Written October 30, 2021)

 "It is okay to let go of the past" really struck me as something to write about.

One of my main gripes and anxieties right now is I feel like my dream and passion of being a teacher is coming to an end -- or maybe it already did. I wasn't ready for this, nor was I ready to let it go.

I believe I have what I need inside. It's the letting go that feels hard. Being a teacher has been a clear and present and unwavering dream of mine for so long, it's really hard to think that it is over.

The fact of the matter is that it is already over. I can "hope" (not a good plan) things will be different next year. But I know better. If anything, they are more likely to get worse.

I cannot "hope" for change, nor can I "hope" they will give me consistent support. It's not coming.

I have to figure out what is within me right now that will carry me through.

I don't know how to have more energy and I don't know how to make it work.

The world has changed and the kids (for the most part) have changed, but we are far behind. We are outdated in our approach.

Ye Tang Che--I can see the problem.

My life as a certain kind of teacher ended without me knowing it.

That is what I need to acknowledge and say goodbye to. It isn't coming back.

Bottom line-- I don't know the answer to any of this. 

All I know is I don't know. 

Symbols, Sayings, and Dreams (7 Lines/7 Days #75)

 #108Weeks

October 17-23, 2021

Be present. Notice. Celebrate.

There was a dead dragonfly outside my classroom door .

I dreamt of snow, and the interpretation means going through challenges successfully.

There was a rainbow in the clouds as I drove to work.

In the night I woke up laughing -- a spillover from laughing in my dream.

I am willing to be unfinished, unpolished, and in a state of change.

Today I keep hearing a hawk calling.

Only a Dream in Nashville (7 Lines/7 Days #62)

 #108Weeks

July 18-24, 2021

Jim & I at the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum

 

 

I'm traveling light.

It's a difficult trip, but enjoying what I can.

Movement and hydration are key.

The Opry was AWESOME. Our seats really made it.

Stay in the moment!

Last night's show was great, but the Ryman Auditorium is damn uncomfortable!

Left Nashville and it already feels like it was just a dream.

Good Vibrations (7 Lines / 7 Days #55)

 #108Weeks

 

May 30 - June 5, 2021

 

 A day of self-care helped me recovery pretty quickly.

We're going to Nashville in July!

Getting back to the yoga studio was wonderful.

I'm starting to shift into summer mode.

Big surprise yesterday -- I've been chosen (one of two) to attend training to teach 

Cambridge Global Studies to 8th graders next year. I'm thrilled!

 

I'll also be teaching Read 180 to intensive 7th and 8th graders. 

The plan for the class is already posted which is helpful.

Friday was so good I actually forgot it was Friday until the end of the day!

TKO (7 Lines/ 7 Days #54)

 #108Weeks

 

May 23-29, 2021

 

Important notes about this post: This week I added a bit of a theme and stuck with it. After all I went through I feel like I should have a terrycloth robe with my name embroidered on the back. It was tough, and I'm not sure the next 13 days with kids will be any better. It's exhausting for everyone to have a year like this. This post marks my halfway point with with this project. I am grateful to be keeping this documentation of events, even the painful ones.

 

 

On Sunday I had a nice walk with Amy at Lakes Park, then to Fancy's for Chicken and Waffles. YUM.

In order to survive, I'm teaching a novel to 5th period called The Contender, about a 16-year-old high school drop-out training to be a boxer. Most kids are really into it. It's a perfect story for these guys.

Tuesday was a chill day. The calm before the storm.

JAB--I have to sit in another teacher's classroom with 6th graders for hours while the 7th and 8th graders test. Returning to my room, I spilled a large mug of water, nearly wiping out my cellphone.  Also lost a pair of good reading glasses in transit. Then rushed through 17-minute period (6 classes) the rest of the day. In that short time I managed to write 2 referrals in 5th period.

CROSS--Walking quickly at school I turn a corner and my right foot slides and go down on my left knee, shocking me. No indication the floor had just been mopped. I was traumatized for several hours, but appear to be okay. Falling at any age is tough. At 65, it is scary as hell.

HOOK--Had to write two more referrals* during 5th period. One girl was screaming at a boy during a class discussion. Is there no end to this madness?

UPPERCUT --Anxiety has built up in my chest. Even after getting a massage, I didn't sleep well and had a frustrating dream. Thank God for a 3-day-weekend. I need to recover, because I'm back in the ring on Tuesday.

*I have only written 3 other referrals all year.  This week I wrote FOUR.

Standing on Solid Ground (7 Lines/7 Days #47)

 #108Weeks

 

April 4-10, 2021

 

 

I had a dream I was driving down an extremely steep road and was terrified, but made it safely to the bottom and solid ground. Upon waking, I could see it was a metaphor for this school year.

The last 2 mornings in nature were magically perfect. So many birds! There are angels all around us.

I kept reminding myself to say in the moment and it came in handy when Jim's eye blew up again and we was in horrible pain.

I just have to take things as they come.

The Universe gifts me with courage.

It was announced Home Connect will be gone next year. I celebrated by making a list of all the teaching techniques I can use when I don't have to worry about including kids on Zoom. HOO-RAY!!!

68 more days until the last day of school.