While cleaning some things up around here, I found a collection of prayers that I used to pray every day. They are gathered into a card with a Clyde Butcher photograph.
I read through them today with the intention of sharing at least one of them here.
The one I decided on though, was not written by me.
It is from Sarah Ban Breathnac and her book Simple Abundance.
It’s a good everyday prayer:
Whatever you choose for me, so be it.
Just give me strength.
Journal entry 8.27.24
Yesterday while I was waiting for Gina Wells to pick me up for my doctor appointment, I saw a huge eagle fly over our lake. It was followed by a smaller, younger one.
I consider eagle sightings auspicious, so was encouraged by this sign.
[for the readers: Gina is the wife of the guy who is subbing my classes while I’m out. I had never met her before. This is how strong my CLMS support network is. I am grateful.]
When I got in the car, meeting Gina for the first time, I told her of the eagle sighting. I told her in Native American mythology, it represented Spirit, and I felt it was telling me Spirit is with me.
While in my doctor appointment, Gina looked up online. When I came out, she read me this:
Find stability in yourself.
I’ve been revisiting a notebook I bought before attending and presenting at the ASCD conference in Orlando in June 2019. My teacher friends and I presented a workshop on found poetry, an experience that was one of the best in my professional career.
I’ve come to regard 2019 as a golden age of my teaching. At the time, I felt like I was getting a true grip on who I was as a teacher, and had clarity on how to best use classroom time to reach my learners in creative ways. I was teaching intensive readers using a curriculum developed by National Geographic, and I was teaching my own originally designed courses in creative writing and speech & debate. Everything had clicked into place.
In early 2020, I was having the absolute best semester of my life. I could feel the vibe in the classroom was positive, kids were learning and taking risks. We were alive with possibilities.
Then the shutdown came.
And nothing has been the same.
So much of what I documented as good teaching and learning in my green notebook was useless to me when we had to go online and everything became about reaching remote learners. And as kids returned, and the years went on, it was evident much had changed. Behaviors were different. Our schedule changed, and I lost the courses I had designed. I was given an intensive curriculum that was dead in the water, no matter how much I tried to breathe life into it (Read 180). I was also teaching a higher level research course out of Cambridge University, which I eventually could see was lacking in many ways.
By last year at this time, I was ready to flee. I made serious steps to leave my school. I didn’t, and along the way I was released from Read 180 and given a section of creative writing. The Cambridge course was no longer just for high end students, which caused a whole new learning curve for me. I still had intensive reading, but at least it had decent literature (Dickinson, Wordsworth, Dylan Thomas) and I felt I could be a bit more creative and get somewhere. On top of that, my husband received a devastating diagnosis in January, and my time to teach was reduced. I am lucky to have made it to the end of the year in one piece, frankly.
My final year beckons, and I have decided it is time to return to the golden age and make it real again. I’m finding my green notebook has a blueprint for some really great stuff, some I have used before, some I have not. I have some autonomy, and where I don’t I’m taking it anyway. I have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing it my way.
I had wonderful conversations over the weekend with teacher friends, and I feel smart, strong, fearless, and resilient. Who knew when I purchased this notebook at Target five years ago (I actually remember choosing this one over others), that the words on the cover and the words inside would be coming alive in me today?
In June 2019 none of us had any idea things could go so awry. Now that I know, I realize the importance of moving forward in ways that work. My learners deserve no less from me, and I will be prepared.
ADDENDUM
After I published this essay, a meme came up on my FB feed that went with it, and I had to add this here. It’s a good reminder to stay the course I’ve decided on, so a year from now I can be smiling and thankful I did what I knew had to be done.
With great joy I attended a Stretch & Strengthen yoga class this morning at a brand new studio, owned by one of my favorite instructors, Jamie. Sacred Nature has opened in the old Yoga Bird location at Royal Palm Square Shopping Center.
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| “Nurture with Nature” |
The environment Jamie has creating is truly nurturing. I have never seen so many plants in a yoga center! There are many unique touches, including a “Celebrate Our Teachers” bulletin board, where anyone can post a picture of someone who has been a teacher to them, and a little shop where nothing is more than $5, and all proceeds got to one of two charities.
Here’s a little tour. Captions under the photos provide further explanation.
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| Plants serve many metaphorical opportunities. |
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| The front of the studio. So many plants! |
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| Owner Jamie |
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| There are some sweet touches throughout the studio. |
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| One by one, the plants are being named. I named the bigger one Stella. |
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| I chose this quote design on the floor to place my mat for class. Each quote is unique. |
#108Weeks
April 17-23, 2022
Easter included a lovely brunch with Pam and family at Lexington Country Club.
Every day I pray for our country.
Decided to bring more playfulness to the last 30 days with the kids.
I'm already organizing a plan for next year and using the rest of this year to experiment.
My learners are definitely showing strength and know-how.
Got my first pedicure in months. Felt so good!
#108Weeks
February 20-26, 2022
I wrote something on the 20th that permeated most of my week, so I thought that instead of parsing out 7 lines, I would include the entire thought here. Once again I recenter myself into what is important, and it is driving us forward.
I am a teacher.
I do what is best for my learners as we build the future.
I show up every day and work smart to help them grow.
I do not have a narrow vision of what I do or who I am.
I have power and I have a place to stand strong.
I have freedom and I won't forget that again.
I have made the right choices and will continue to do so, for the learner in front of me.
I pour myself into what I do, heart and soul.
I am not complaining and I am not quitting.
I am a teacher.
A professional.
I decide what's best.
#108Weeks
December 19-25, 2021
I've been revising my reading goals for 2022, and liking the direction.
I came face-to-face with the fact that I need a major mental adjustment.
Atomic Habits by James Clear is helping me make small changes to get my physical strength back in a manageable way.
On Solstice Day I wrote this: I commit more fully to the life I know I can live. I commit more fully to vulnerability, innovation, creation, and joy. I commit more fully to cultivating my heart, leading with my heart, shining light from my heart. And I seriously commit to not blaming others or myself for what is. I welcome it all -- every ugly and beautiful moment, encounter, and feeling -- as TEACHER.
I must continue to look at each moment with love and faith and joy. I'm calling it WILD JOY.
Progress, not perfection.
Have faith and be the change!
#66Challenge
It feels like a long dry spell since I was motivated to write much beyond short little poems (a daily practice) or 7 lines/7 days poems, which are basically just drawing on things already written.
Frustration has set in. I began to wonder what happened to the writer I had been. I kept thinking I needed a project: the problem was finding one that I could feel committed to.
I have plenty of drafted projects sitting around here I can fix up. Somehow I don't have the energy for that. I tried doing some little structural things, but soon became bored. The writing had no concreteness about it, and just seemed preachy and shallow. In addition, I felt this "thing" that no one cared about what I had to say anyway. Who is listening? I had no answer.
This caused me to put the question out: What kind of writer am I?
***
Today while noodling in my journal, I suddenly remembered something I literally had forgotten all about: the #64Challenge I did during the 2019-20 school year. That was an ever-changing, challenging year, which ended up with fourth quarter pandemic teaching.
Next week is my 66th birthday, and immediately I knew I need the #66Challenge for this coming school year.
This feels perfect. First, because in 2019 I had all kinds of plans and designs on what the school year should look like, and slowly but surely everything went haywire. By the end of February I was finding myself in a very different place than I was in August.
Coming into this school year I have no such designs. In fact, I'm actively working NOT to plan and design. There is all new curricula coming into our department, and I actually don't even know what I'm teaching. And no matter what I teach, there will be a certain amount of "do it this way."
I've been preparing myself for that all throughout this summer, by putting myself back in the moment every time I meet an obstacle, large or small. I have gathered my strength and risk-taking gene to do things I previously thought would be impossible.
Speaking to my friend Natalie yesterday she said something that resonated strongly: I made it through the 2020-21 school year. I can do anything.
***
I took time this morning to read the 64 posts for the last challenge. I found lots of nuggets that are good for me to remember going forward into a new school year and challenge:
What I focus on expands.
Abandon hope. Be fearless.
Do what you can do. Bear witness with no need to respond or attach.
Everything I need to know is in the person in front of me.
Be committed. Stay flexible.
I also found a slew of beautiful poems, deep reflections, classroom celebrations and intense frustrations. All documented. All worked out. All forward moving.
And most importantly: All a gift to myself!
***
By moving forward on a new challenge, in a year in which I already know will be full of change, I will have the opportunity to write concretely, do some good reflecting, pay attention, and give myself the gift of this school year always being accessible to me.
It's an adventure, a pilgrimage, a chance to practice the present moment.
It's getting me back to the writer I am--one who listens and writes to find out what she has to say. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows or cares!
It's taking all that has come before, folding it into the mix, and creating something new.
James W. Hall says that "we teach to re-create the world." I take this as my most earnest mission in life.
Here is to #66Challenge, and all the creative gifts it will bring to myself and yes, maybe even the world.
#108Weeks
February 7-13, 2021
Reviewing data and asking my students what they need has put me on a solid trajectory.
I sat on the lanai with a glass of wine and sketched out a sequence for my units.
"You need to start where people are."
AC is a problem again, draining me by the end of the day -- kids are complaining.
I must video my lessons religiously. Speaking all day in a mask in a warm room is torture.
Everyday...water flowing around the rocks...making my way.
Hoping to have a lot of rest and relaxation this weekend.
December 27, 2020 - January 2, 2021
A little different approach this week, as I include my musings on some favorites of the year, and my focus for the coming year.
Caboose poem from Barbara Kingsolver's "How to Give Thanks for a Broken Leg"
Step out as a brand new verb
moving
writing
listening
drawing
playing
wisening
breathing
reaching
illuminating
discovering
cycling
stretching
teaching
learning
resting
seeing
dreaming
keeping
being
We are more than a week into the holiday break, and I've entered the Quiet Zone.
Today I followed through on a decision I had made which was to use the "What's Your Word" cards my writing friend Kathy gave me as part of a gift exchange. There are 33 cards that ask questions that are supposed to lead you to your "word." I decided to go through the questions quickly and answer with one sentence each. After a warm-up and a jump start, there are several categories, each with a few related questions. Categories like Let Go, Be Me, Dream, Grow, Love, and Serve.
Answering these questions in a real "in the moment" fashion helped me get quickly to a couple important things happening with me: one has to do with physical strength, and the other has to do with how I want to spend my time going forward.
For many years I had a lot of different things going. A few years ago I cut back. I decided I wanted to spend most of my time focused on writing. And I did pretty well with that. I've completed several personal challenges, continue to write a poem a day, and my daily journaling, of course.
But something has shifted, and now there are other things that are calling for my time. One is the mandolin. I'm enjoying getting back into it focused just on ways to have fun and play with others. Second is my Music Polls page. I thoroughly enjoy what I'm doing with it, and others seem to like it, too. And third, a bit of art. I've committed to practicing some Zentangle, and that has been relaxing fun. No goals. Just do it.
One thing that has been a concern though, is what I feel is a physical weakening. It really started with the knotted up lat muscles in my side that sometimes made it painful to stand for any period of time, let alone do any walking. I've noticed a difference in my physical strength since I turned 65, and the lat situation has compounded it, keeping me from being as active as I need to be. I still do my daily yoga and stretching, but things like walks and weights and cycling have taken a back seat. Well, are fairly non-existent.
Answering the questions in the "What's Your Word" put this in the forefront. I realized as hard as it is, I have to find ways to start building strength.
So there is my word. STRENGTH
I started here...a return to Six Mile Cypress Slough, where I walked nearly two miles with nary a twinge from my crazy lats, and thorough enjoyment of the slough itself. Throughout the pandemic I knew the slough boardwalk was open, but I didn't go because of a simple thing like the bathrooms not being available. By the time I drive there, I usually need to use the restroom before wending my way along the boardwalk, which takes the visitor through pinewoods, a hardwood forest, a hammock, and more than a few ponds. But yesterday I learned the park was fully open, and I knew that was my first stop today.
My friend Kara shared with me her focus for the coming year: Peace, Energy, Calm. Add to that STRENGTH. And that is what I felt today, finally returning to the slough, where I don't think I've been in quite a long time. At least a year...maybe longer.
Entering the Quiet Zone is a natural part of this bridge of time between Christmas and New Years, a time I traditionally use to reflect and ground myself. All the right ingredients came together today. I intend to use them all to keep my STRENGTH building, despite any setbacks or frustrations. It is the most perfect and necessary thing for me right now.
STRENGTH -- Challenge Accepted!!!!
For a while I have been finding it difficult to get myself to this blog. I will write entire things out in my journal that I think I want ...
