Engines of Creativity

 

If I were ever to get another dog, it would be a Corgi. Every time my coloring app has a Corgi picture, I have to color it. This particular one I found delightful. I suppose a Corgi could use a skateboard because their legs are so short. And why would he need a scarf except to look dapper? Whoever designed this took things that don’t usually go together and combined them. Creativity! 

I don’t have a clear direction on this posting today. I’m mostly musing. There are seven school days left. Our school does a great year managing the energy of the kids at the end of the year, and I’m grateful for that.

And, as usual, I’m planning how to do things better next year. With that in mind, I share this quote. The idea is from Thomas Merton, but it is put in Parker Palmer’s words:

Contradictions in our lives are engines of creativity. What we get wrong makes us reach for something better. What we get right assures us that “better” is sometimes within reach.

What I like about my quest to always get better is I have partners who are doing the same. I’ve already talked to another Global Perspectives teacher at my school about what we need to do next year, and we have both come to the same basic conclusion separately on how we need to approach things. I found this validating, and energizing as well. 

When someone hands you a curriculum that contradicts what you feel can get the job done, it’s time to get creative. And I’m all about that!

Titanic Lives On

We have come to the conclusion of another great Titanic project. The last couple of days we have spent doing a “read around” where students read each other’s passenger journals and give positive feedback. More than ever before, I was completely “wowed” by the effort so many students took to make their passenger come alive in our minds. Their imagination and creativity, supported by research, is what education is all about. I am forever grateful to Patricia Wachholz for introducing me to this project. This will probably be the best version of it I have seen, and I am grateful. 

Here are a selection of covers. No two journals were alike, and I feel deeply this type of assignment should not be the exception, but the rule. 

(Side note: our 7th grade science teacher has the kids creating habitat dioramas. I heard her commenting to our AP about how great it is going. I feel it is such a shame we feel forced to wait until the end of the year to do the best stuff!)

Of Power and Time

 In truth, the work itself is the adventure.

—Mary Oliver from her essay

“Of Power and Time”

Reading Mary Oliver’s essay today was perfect. In “Of Power and Time” she spoke of the three selves: the child, the ordinary person keeping time, and the creative who does better to ignore everything but their art. She made a good point about the ordinary part of life: you want a surgeon or an airline pilot to not do anything out of the ordinary. With an artist, that is a must.

I related so fully. My writing is my art, of course. But so is my career.

Take example yesterday — I’m doing my best to inspire my Global Prospective students to do something creative with their research presentations. Google Slides has become synonymous with presenting, but I’ve provided a choice board of ideas, including interviews, commercials, news shows, and art approaches. For years, these kinds of things were part and parcel of my classes, but since COVID and educational directions, much has changed.

The idea of the choice board is to combine the ordinary (specifics of their research) with a creative approach. It can be challenging, engage them in a creative endeavor, and ultimately delight us with the out-of-the-ordinary.

Will many take me up on it? I pretty much doubt it. For many of them, they don’t have that kind of transference because they haven’t had a chance to practice. For others, it will just be easier to plop stuff on a slide and call it done.

But…we’ll see. I have given them the power and the time to do something different. Perhaps a few will take me up on it. And the best thing that could happen is a few students watching will decide next time they will attempt the extraordinary.

And wouldn’t that be something?

Just Makes Me Happy

 For some reason this year, there was a holiday door decorating contest at my school, with a fantastic prize of a jeans week for the teacher (yawn).  I couldn’t figure out how anyone had time for this, since we were in a crunch given we lost three weeks plus this semester. But…oh well.

Then suddenly I decided to do something simple. And yes, I spent more time on it than I had planned.  But…oh well.

I brought in what was left on an old roll of wrapping paper. I printed off snowflakes for the students to color, along with some pine trees. Called it “Celebrate Learning” and focused on the recent success my learners had in raising their Lexile levels. Of course we didn’t “win” in any of the categories, but that was never my focus. I intend on relishing this joyful expression up until the day I have to take it down. It represents spontaneity, success in goals being met, and so much more. After the major interruption in our lives in the form of one of the worst hurricanes in US history, I am glad we took the time to celebrate through color and creativity. 

I consider this a win!

Here are a couple of detail photos:

62. Perfect Song

 #66Challenge

 

Today I found this line from Joy Harjo in her poetry collection Conflict Resolution for Holy Beings:

What kept me going was that perfect song I kept hearing, just beyond the field of perceptible sound.

 

I related so well, I immediately wrote this:

 

Coming down off the most difficult

and rewarding school year ever,

I read Joy's words and I know

that this is true for me -- that I

kept hearing a "perfect song" off

in the distance, and I knew it

was for me...I knew I would

eventually capture the lyrics enough

to make them come alive inside, 

then through joy and playfulness

and creativity and love, that song

would become a full reality on the 

outside and spur me on in ways I have 

attempted in the past, but never achieved.

 

And now I know the day has come.

And I am grateful for the struggle.

 

Like everything in life: grieve, release, begin anew. 

48. School Year Twilight

 #66Challenge

Inspired by this line from the poem "Twilight" by Louise Gluck:

I let it go, then I light a candle.

I let go the things

I felt commanded to do.

I let go the need to

do it "right,"

because "right" isn't always right.

Now

I light a candle

to thinking

    creativity

    nourishment

something real that will last.

I let go the "gotta do,"

and light the way to "moved to do"

         the gifts that only I can give.

 

 

 

How I Spent My Spring Break (7 Lines/ 7 Days #97)

 #108Weeks

March 20-26, 2022

Brunching with friends

Catching up on writing projects

Uncovering my natural gifts and creative approaches

Exploring art and books and Asian food in St. Pete

Planning my trip to Ohio in June

Making decisions about my teaching life—all good

38. 2-22-22

#66Challenge

These are the words I wrote in my journal on this auspicious day:

After feeling like I can't be the teacher I used to be, I now have come to the place where I realize that it is all I can be. It is okay to get creative, to do what I feel is best.

I'm the crooked tree, and I like it that way. This song helps me remember to be me, which seems to be a constant struggle no matter what I do.

Reaching In, Reaching Out (7 Lines/7 Days #95)

 #108Weeks

March 6-12, 2022

Discovered a great show on Apple TV called Dear…

Really enjoyed reading How High We Go In the Dark

Drinks after work with Kara was much-needed time together

Thinking a lot about people I know who are suffering

Creative Writing Club was cool—an hour of writing stories from a photo

Fantasy story writing in the classroom made me feel alive again

4 more school days until spring break

Creativity Rising (7 Lines/7 Days #92)

 #108Weeks

February 13-19, 2022

Getting a firmer grip on everything and feeling positive change. 

Finally reading Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan and loving it.

Starting to count the days to spring break and musing what I might do with that time. 

My Global Perspective kids made paper towers and had a blast. The highest was 4 foot, 4 inches. 

Got Thursday’s Wordle in two!

On Friday I was able to connect with a young teacher I don’t really know and have a conversation about common issues. 

My creativity is rising and it feels great. 

(The paper tower challenge—kids were given 20 pieces of copy paper and had 2 minutes to plan and 10 minutes to build. The structure had to stand long enough to be measured).

Lovely Days (7 Lines/7 Days #89)

 #108Weeks

January 23-29, 2022

 

 

A visit to Corkscrew Swamp Sanctuary got the week off to a good start.

I'm beginning to understand that the underlying feeling in everything these days is grief.

Daily WORDLE is so much fun!

I wrote a referral on a disrupting student, only later to find out his family is currently living in their car. :-(

I've suddenly become a big Bill Withers fan.

Pulling out a lot of favorite activities in class I haven't used in ages. This is the best I've felt in 2 years.

It was a good week. :-)

Love & Faith & Joy (7 Lines/7 Days #84)

 #108Weeks

December 19-25, 2021

I've been revising my reading goals for 2022, and liking the direction.

I came face-to-face with the fact that I need a major mental adjustment.

Atomic Habits by James Clear is helping me make small changes to get my physical strength back in a manageable way.

On Solstice Day I wrote this: I commit more fully to the life I know I can live. I commit more fully to vulnerability, innovation, creation, and joy.  I commit more fully to cultivating my heart, leading with my heart, shining light from my heart. And I seriously commit to not blaming others or myself for what is. I welcome it all -- every ugly and beautiful moment, encounter, and feeling -- as TEACHER.

I must continue to look at each moment with love and faith and joy. I'm calling it WILD JOY.

Progress, not perfection.

Have faith and be the change!

Thinking Out Loud on an Auspicious Solstice Morning

 Written 12-21-21

I am finding inspiration and motivation from every direction.

A few days ago I realized I was ready to move on from the place I've been, which has been rather stuck. I knew this was coming, but I did not have a vision.

Today the vision began to form.

First, with Atomic Habits by James Clear. I'm thinking What kind of person do I want to be? And What habits will get me there?

This motivated me to get on my exercise bike, and I put on a podcast from Michael Meade called "The Cultivated Heart: In Loving Memory of Robert Bly."  I have met both of these men before, and Robert passed a month ago today.  In the podcast, Michael focused a lot on writings Robert did for a poetry anthology they worked on together called The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart. It has always been one of my favorite collections.

What was helpful to me is that the topic of cultivating our hearts caused Michael to focus on a few specific poems, two of which really spoke to me.

 

I think I will also take a moment to mention why I knew I was stuck, even as I knew it was time to move on. First, I had a meeting with some friends where I found myself blaming a lot of others for things I'm encountering. This left me emotionally reeling for at least 12 hours, and was not a pleasant experience.

Second, I met a friend for lunch and a Broadway show, only to find myself surprised that she brought me Christmas presents. Why I was surprised baffled me. We always exchange gifts. How is it that I have not even given it ONE thought these last few weeks when I knew we had this event coming up?  My only answer is that I have become ridiculously insular and selfishly focused that even things that should be evident go right past me. Not a good feeling. I blamed myself deeply for the neglect of this important exchange.

Another thing I encountered recently that brought me up short was revisiting other blog posts from Decembers of previous years. It is there I found something I wrote on December 9, 2017 called "On Questions and Contradictions." In this post I discovered that much of what I keep complaining about now are the exact same things that were happening then. Have I not even figured out how to do better?

In the blog, I referred to the poem "The Sunflowers" by Mary Oliver, in which she suggests we ask sunflowers questions:

Come with me
to visit the sunflowers,
they are shy
but want to be friends;
they have wonderful stories
of when they were young –
the important weather,
the wandering crows.
Don’t be afraid
to ask them questions!
Their bright faces,
which follow the sun,
will listen, and all
those rows of seeds –
each one a new life!

I then proceeded to ask myself a lot of questions, many I still have today. Things like...How do I get through to my students? Why do I go through this every year? What will make real change? 

And most importantly, Why can't I be you, Sunflower?

Coming upon this blog post was unforgettable in this current quest.  Leave it to Michael Meade to pick up the pieces for me when he read this poem:

This poem connected everything together -- all my tears, my grief, my vulnerability, my blaming of others, and a good comeuppance on how wrong my view can be. This is about seeds being cultivated. It has been too easy to tighten up and not let that seed explode into something wonderful. After all, everything real in life is about breaking open to the moment. Without it, there is no creativity, no innovation.

Michael goes on to explain:

[We must live] with immediacy of the soul, that rare sense that the next moment can break open. And that we must...marry it, step into it, and become ourselves in that moment of opening and awaking. If we fail to do that we have not fully participated in the world.

It is obvious I have to do that which is really difficult for me -- truly open up, live more fully, love more actively. I have been saying this for years, and I think I'm doing it, but recent events have found my fault lines. And recent events have also taught me I have no time to waste. I look ahead and I see an end line. This is a new feeling, and one I must reckon with.

But Michael wasn't done. Then he introduced this poem, which gave me further marching orders!

To Be a Slave of Intensity (Kabir, trans. by Robert Bly)

Friend, hope for the guest while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think...and think...while you are alive.
What you call 'salvation' belongs to the time before death.

If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think
ghosts will do it after?

The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
Just because the body is rotten -
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now,
you will simply end up with an apartment in the City of Death.
If you make love with the divine now, in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire.

So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
Believe in the Great Sound!

Kabir says this: When the guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity. 

JUMP INTO EXPERIENCE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE.

BREAK THE ROPES.

I simply LOVE that! 

"So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is, Believe in the Great Sound"

Welcome it all--joy and sorrow. Don't ignore any of it. ENGAGE!

So the answer to Why can't I be you, Sunflower?

is

I AM. I just don't activate it.

*

I'm not quite done, even though that seems like quite a lot.

For the first time in a long time I pulled a Rune stone. And the word was perfect, of course: FAITH.

This is already a word I have embraced during the journey over these past few months. I discovered it when I did the 33 Question Cards to find my word. When the Rune divination said the same, well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

And I still needed these words:

Faith encourages us to believe that we can make a difference -- in ourselves and in the world.

And so, on this auspicious solstice day of 12-21-21, I commit more fully to the life I know I need to live. I commit more fully to vulnerability, innovation, creation, and joy. I commit more fully to cultivating my heart, leading with my heart, shining light from my heart. And I seriously commit to not blaming others or myself for what is. I welcome it all--every ugly or beautiful moment, encounter, or feeling-- as TEACHER.

I needed to identify the turning point, and this has been it.

11:05 am  12/21/2021

 

27. Zig Zag Heart

 #66Challenge

I began this poem using color chips for prompts, and then Kai added in during our creative writing club meeting on December 14. It is an abcedian poem (ABC...) and each line is 3 syllables. We had fun “zig zagging” through the alphabet and trying to choose the appropriate words and phrases to make the poem work. 

Arriving

Battle won

Crackling rose

Diva blue

Early morn

Float about

Gift of life

Hiding place

Instant star

Jaunty cloud

Kindness first

Listening

Morning moon

Not yet sun

One to one

Passages

Quick point click

Remember

Standing sea

Thin silver

Universe

Vastless sky

Waves me still

X-ray winds

You're the star

Zig zag heart

19. Vienna Waits for Me

 #66Challenge

(Journal entry November 25, 2021)

"Vienna" by Billy Joel

I thought about this song the other day while driving and thought it would be good to revisit. 

 I recall the line that always struck me was:

 

You know that when the truth is told

you can get what you want or you can just get old

Here I am -- OLD--and coming face to face with the fact that I may not have fully gotten what I want.

 

In 2005, coming off my first year of teaching, taking grad school courses, an ESOL course, and a four-week National Writing Project Summer Intensive, I was stressed and stretched in a way like no other. So much so, I didn't even realize how stressed I was. For some reason during that time, I kept playing "Vienna," until eventually I ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. When asked in the emergency room if I had been under stress, I said NO. Since I was finally a teacher and doing the things I had dreamed of doing, I could not even understand that I was under stress because, well, I wanted these things.

 

Slow down, you crazy child

 

I spent a couple days in the hospital, in a windowless room I likened to a cave. There I cried and slept, cried and slept. I had to let my misery in, admit that I had taken on a lot and had not even processed my first year of teaching, which was beyond crazy given the place I worked. It was an intense lesson, but one that stays with me.

 

***

 

The true meaning of "Vienna" had always eluded me a bit, so I was happy to find a video conversation with Billy Joel, made in 2020, where he explained what Vienna meant to him. Among the things on the video (which I will post at the end) he says going to Vienna for him was closing a circle.

Going to Vienna means to slow down, look around you, and have some gratitude for the good things in your life.

There's always talent, there's always virtuosity, there's always genius, and it's there and will occur in humankind, but it will take a place like Vienna to bring it out.

The question to myself:

How do I make my classroom--and my being --about Vienna?

Not about -- but AS VIENNA.

 

A place where we find our best selves.

 

A place where genius can emerge.

 

A light in the darkness. 

 

I can't do anything about the curriculum, but I can make my classroom a place of respite.

 

I can slow myself down and look for genius.

 

The Golden Heart of each learner.

 

A can heed that warning when I feel frustrated, disjointed, angry...warning signs I have lost touch with joy.

 

***

 

It then occurred to me that I have had times of Vienna in my classroom: and that was when I taught creative writing.

 

On Friday the 26th I made a list: 

 

As a Creative Writing Teacher I...

 

--let inspiration drive a lot of what I did

--engaged in conversation about text and how things were presented

--let the kids be right where they were--no pushing

--choice choice choice

--never put anyone on the spot

--I got to chill myself at the beginning of each class when we did 10 minutes of writing called Crash and Burn. It kept me in touch with what was happening inside of me before it got out of control.

--what we did in class was based on their interests

--made time for any silly thing they wanted to do for fun

--let them talk and write together

 

How can that translate into my reading class with a firm curriculum?

 

--sit them back in groups

--engage in more conversations

--meet them where they are each day

--choices whenever possible

--more music

--give them the first step...then the second

--center myself at the beginning of class--how am I REALLY feeling? If I am carrying any grievance or frustration, I know it will end up causing an issue. I've already seen this again and again as I've been trying to change things.

--take the temperature--do they work out the lesson in groups? or do I lead them?

--it doesn't always have to be the same

--focus on PRACTICE

Some of these things I'm doing, and some I'm not doing very well, and some...well...it's time.

Vienna waits for me.

 

 

 

 

 

Writers Write (7 Lines/7 Days #69)

 #108Weeks

 September 5-11, 2021

 

I had an epiphany about how I spend my time, which sent everything into a better motion.

I haven't been living my creative life.

Writers write. I wrote.

I voice the universe in an original way.

At school, I'm keeping learning and real reading in the forefront.

Getting prepared for my first Creative Writing Club meeting coming up!

I bring my brave face and loving heart each day, and I move forward. 

Patience: A Chant

Monday September 6th was a New Moon day.  This is a day I pull a Native American Medicine Card to find out what I need for the coming month.

This month I pulled ANT which equals Patience.

Reading about ANT I learned:

I need to be community-minded and see future needs.

I can plan, but must be content with building a dream a little at a time.

Patience has its rewards.

Sweet victory is at the end of the line.

I can trust in the Universe to supply.

I must work for the good of the whole and my goodness will be provided.

 

In response, I then wrote this chant:

Patience with my husband's health

Patience with my learners' progress

Patience with my colleagues

Patience with the district

Patience when I see what others are doing that is harmful

Patience with what others are not doing that is neglectful

Patience with comparisons

Patience with aging

Patience with timing

Patience with mistakes

 

Patience with myself when I sense that fault line -- I'm not perfect

Patience with myself to take the next right move

Patience with my choices toward building a creative life

Patience with an uncertain future

 

I make good choices and set a healthy direction and little by little I take on too much and then I find myself pulled away.

 

Patience with my own desire to do it all!!! 

1. Gift to Myself: Introducing #66Challenge

 #66Challenge

It feels like a long dry spell since I was motivated to write much beyond short little poems (a daily practice) or 7 lines/7 days poems, which are basically just drawing on things already written.

Frustration has set in. I began to wonder what happened to the writer I had been. I kept thinking I needed a project: the problem was finding one that I could feel committed to.

I have plenty of drafted projects sitting around here I can fix up. Somehow I don't have the energy for that. I tried doing some little structural things, but soon became bored. The writing had no concreteness about it, and just seemed preachy and shallow. In addition, I felt this "thing" that no one cared about what I had to say anyway. Who is listening? I had no answer.

This caused me to put the question out: What kind of writer am I?

***

Today while noodling in my journal, I suddenly remembered something I literally had forgotten all about: the #64Challenge I did during the 2019-20 school year. That was an ever-changing, challenging year, which ended up with fourth quarter pandemic teaching. 

Next week is my 66th birthday, and immediately I knew I need the #66Challenge for this coming school year.

This feels perfect. First, because in 2019 I had all kinds of plans and designs on what the school year should look like, and slowly but surely everything went haywire. By the end of February I was finding myself in a very different place than I was in August.

Coming into this school year I have no such designs. In fact, I'm actively working NOT to plan and design. There is all new curricula coming into our department, and I actually don't even know what I'm teaching. And no matter what I teach, there will be a certain amount of "do it this way."

I've been preparing myself for that all throughout this summer, by putting myself back in the moment every time I meet an obstacle, large or small. I have gathered my strength and risk-taking gene to do things I previously thought would be impossible.  

Speaking to my friend Natalie yesterday she said something that resonated strongly: I made it through the 2020-21 school year. I can do anything.

***

I took time this morning to read the 64 posts for the last challenge. I found lots of nuggets that are good for me to remember going forward into a new school year and challenge:

What I focus on expands.

Abandon hope. Be fearless.

Do what you can do. Bear witness with no need to respond or attach.

Everything I need to know is in the person in front of me.

Be committed. Stay flexible.

I also found a slew of beautiful poems, deep reflections, classroom celebrations and intense frustrations. All documented. All worked out. All forward moving.

And most importantly: All a gift to myself!

***

By moving forward on a new challenge, in a year in which I already know will be full of change, I will have the opportunity to write concretely, do some good reflecting, pay attention, and give myself the gift of this school year always being accessible to me. 

It's an adventure, a pilgrimage, a chance to practice the present moment. 

It's getting me back to the writer I am--one who listens and writes to find out what she has to say. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows or cares!

It's taking all that has come before, folding it into the mix, and creating something new.

James W. Hall says that "we teach to re-create the world." I take this as my most earnest mission in life.

Here is to #66Challenge, and all the creative gifts it will bring to myself and yes, maybe even the world.

Raising the Vision (7 Lines/ 7 Days #60)

 #108weeks

 

July 4-10, 2021

 

I realized walking fuels my writing. Riding the exercise bike does not.

Enjoyed a delicious Cuban lunch at a new place called Cubans Be Like

I made a list of things to do to keep me grounded, since I was feeling pretty anxious. Haven't really had to use it because one yoga session fixed the issue

Every time we recognize a blessing, it increases our capacity to receive a blessing*

Finally read the book Pride and Prejudice and find I'm not terribly impressed

Clarity + Confidence = Vision**

New guiding question: What does it mean to live in harmony?

 

 

 

 

Quotes:* Julia Cameron   **Angela Watson

 

Healing Power of Chris Cornell

 In my previous post, I spoke of feeling like a boxer getting knocked out. At the time of the writing I was feeling very raw and bruised, and it was important to express that clearly.

But I also knew my responsibility was to caring for myself, making sure I recovered properly from the week. It wasn't like I hadn't tried during the week. Two days in a row I had relaxing music playing all day in my classroom with videos of dolphins and manatee and whales. I knew music could help me, and in many ways it did.

On Saturday morning Jim and I were driving to what we call our jam session with a music teacher, and we heard the Grateful Dead's "Ripple" on the radio. We decided to play that, and our session was a lot of fun. I felt some of the anxiety lifting after playing and singing "Ripple" several times through: it's tune happy and words esoteric.

Still, I wasn't quite right. 

***

In the past, I've had my friends tell me about Chris Cornell. I didn't follow him when he was alive, but last weekend I found a live album on Amazon Prime music and had listened to it, finding I deeply loved it. There is something about his voice, his story, his song narratives I find appealing.

And on Saturday I knew I needed Chris Cornell. In the past I would have looked for something smooth, music that would soothe me.

But I needed more than soothing.  I needed purging.

I've been thinking about how I felt about some of the stuff that happened this week in my 5th period class. How a student screamed at me that "this is shit" and "you are shit" just because I asked the class to read a slide and answer a question.  I didn't even care if they actually did it -- I was just trying to maintain some structure on a screwed-up day. 

On Friday the toxins were flying between students, worse than I'd heard all year. I couldn't avoid it because we were in the middle of a class discussion, and they were out of control. There was simply no time between classes to gather myself, to clear the negative energy. It is poisonous to me, and I know it.

I think that is why I needed Chris Cornell. I put on headphones and listened, falling asleep and getting some much needed rest, and waking up again to his voice (it's a wonderfully long album!)

Thank you friends who suggested Chris to me. I don't think I'd be as recovered as I feel if it wasn't for that music. I'm glad to know he is there now when I need him -- although I hope next time I get to listen to him because I want to, not because I need to.