#66Challenge
(Journal entry November 25, 2021)
"Vienna" by Billy Joel
I thought about this song the other day while driving and thought it would be good to revisit.
I recall the line that always struck me was:
You know that when the truth is told
you can get what you want or you can just get old
Here I am -- OLD--and coming face to face with the fact that I may not have fully gotten what I want.
In 2005, coming off my first year of teaching, taking grad school courses, an ESOL course, and a four-week National Writing Project Summer Intensive, I was stressed and stretched in a way like no other. So much so, I didn't even realize how stressed I was. For some reason during that time, I kept playing "Vienna," until eventually I ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. When asked in the emergency room if I had been under stress, I said NO. Since I was finally a teacher and doing the things I had dreamed of doing, I could not even understand that I was under stress because, well, I wanted these things.
Slow down, you crazy child
I spent a couple days in the hospital, in a windowless room I likened to a cave. There I cried and slept, cried and slept. I had to let my misery in, admit that I had taken on a lot and had not even processed my first year of teaching, which was beyond crazy given the place I worked. It was an intense lesson, but one that stays with me.
***
The true meaning of "Vienna" had always eluded me a bit, so I was happy to find a video conversation with Billy Joel, made in 2020, where he explained what Vienna meant to him. Among the things on the video (which I will post at the end) he says going to Vienna for him was closing a circle.
Going to Vienna means to slow down, look around you, and have some gratitude for the good things in your life.
There's always talent, there's always virtuosity, there's always genius, and it's there and will occur in humankind, but it will take a place like Vienna to bring it out.
The question to myself:
How do I make my classroom--and my being --about Vienna?
Not about -- but AS VIENNA.
A place where we find our best selves.
A place where genius can emerge.
A light in the darkness.
I can't do anything about the curriculum, but I can make my classroom a place of respite.
I can slow myself down and look for genius.
The Golden Heart of each learner.
A can heed that warning when I feel frustrated, disjointed, angry...warning signs I have lost touch with joy.
***
It then occurred to me that I have had times of Vienna in my classroom: and that was when I taught creative writing.
On Friday the 26th I made a list:
As a Creative Writing Teacher I...
--let inspiration drive a lot of what I did
--engaged in conversation about text and how things were presented
--let the kids be right where they were--no pushing
--choice choice choice
--never put anyone on the spot
--I got to chill myself at the beginning of each class when we did 10 minutes of writing called Crash and Burn. It kept me in touch with what was happening inside of me before it got out of control.
--what we did in class was based on their interests
--made time for any silly thing they wanted to do for fun
--let them talk and write together
How can that translate into my reading class with a firm curriculum?
--sit them back in groups
--engage in more conversations
--meet them where they are each day
--choices whenever possible
--more music
--give them the first step...then the second
--center myself at the beginning of class--how am I REALLY feeling? If I am carrying any grievance or frustration, I know it will end up causing an issue. I've already seen this again and again as I've been trying to change things.
--take the temperature--do they work out the lesson in groups? or do I lead them?
--it doesn't always have to be the same
--focus on PRACTICE
Some of these things I'm doing, and some I'm not doing very well, and some...well...it's time.
Vienna waits for me.
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