The Ingredients: Year in Review in Photos

Yesterday my dear friend Laurie shared a piece of writing she did from an inspiration she received: to identify peak moments of the past year in photos. In any year, this would be an awesome activity. But for 2020, it presented a lot more challenges.

My initial feeling was that I didn't have many photos from the year, and certainly not ones that represented the themes suggested. It made me feel weird, but I kind of accepted it.

Then today I picked up my morning inspirational read, which is Instructions to the Cook: A Zen Master's Lessons in Living a Life That Matters by Bernie Glassman.  The book uses cooking as a metaphor for how to live a Zen life. I already know that the ingredients I use for living a Zen life are whatever I have in front of me. The job of "the cook" is to use what is available.

Today I read this line:

 The clarity of our vision determines the set of ingredients in front of us.

My mind went immediately to the photos. I thought, hmmm, maybe I didn't look at "my ingredients"with clarity of vision. Maybe there was more there than I initially thought.

Then I recalled some events early in the year that I had not seen in my photo library.  Sure enough -- it was because I had moved them to amazon photos and deleted them off my phone to save storage.

Now I was inspired.

Here is my Year in Review in Photos. I have made one change: instead of "something new I tried," I put in "something I discovered" that was very meaningful. 

Thanks a million, Laurie!

 

HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR: In a year where frequenting a restaurant became an act of bravery, it was wonderful to think back to that Saturday in February many of us from the SJA Class of 1973 met at an Amish restaurant in Sarasota. It was a beautiful day, and we had a wonderful meal and reunion. What made this the highlight, though, was that my childhood friend Maureen Kelly McCauley happened to be in Florida at the time and sat across from me. We had a great talk about writing. In less than two months I was able to invite her into a writing group, which has been a godsend for all of us during this turbulent year.

 

MEANINGFUL MOMENT:  On January 12 my husband suffered a small stroke, and spent a couple of days in the hospital. This picture was taken when he was dressed and waiting to get discharged. I took it to send to his son to show him his dad was doing well. This event has changed our view of the future, but I am so glad he is doing well and that it was only mild.

 

SOMETHING DISCOVERED: Early in the summer my brother texted me asking me if I could send him any photos of his wife through the years, as he was putting together a 40th Anniversary gift for her. I was happy to have an excuse to go through all my pictures, and it was a wonderful journey. But by far the best thing that came out of it was discovering three photos of my dad from his youth that I had completely forgotten I had. It even took me a while to realize how they got here! Eventually I recalled that I had gotten these copies made from pictures my sister had, and I had stored them in a picture folder for safe transport from Ohio to Florida. Then I promptly forgot I even had them. I absolutely love this one because he is in the height of happiness, as he always was with his saxophone.

 

FEELING PROUD: When my nephew entered middle school at Cypress Lake, he became involved in playing the trombone, and it became a real passion for him. When they moved away, I was sorry I would no longer be able to attend his band concerts. But, as we know from 2020, livestreams became the new way to participate from afar, and I was absolutely thrilled to watch the holiday band concert from Pickerington North High School on my television in December. The band director made me proud to be a teacher, as he is doing an absolutely incredible job against all odds, and the music brought me to tears more than once. Ricky made me proud, as he always does, through his dedication to music. (And for those who don't know, he is my dad's namesake!)

 

FEELING CONNECTED: After several weeks of barely leaving the house, on April 29th the beaches of Lee County opened again. I got myself right to my closest beach -- Bunche -- and was not ready for the overwhelming feeling I had being able to be there again. Very quickly I felt reconnected to nature and my community and the world and myself! 

 

MAKES ME SMILE: A few years ago, I purchased Nemo and Dory stuffed animals for my classroom. They have become team builders and buddies to my students through the year. When our school closed in March, I was not able to go back in the building until May. When I did, Nemo and Dory were waiting for me, and I realized then how much they meant to my classroom. So it was upsetting when a student accidentally threw Nemo on the roof of the school when they were playing outside as a reward for work well done. To make matters worse, it was a Friday and over the weekend there were torrential rains. Friends rallied me to see if I could get the admin to rescue Nemo -- but somehow he managed to rescue himself!  Two teachers found him sitting on a bench in another part of the building, soaking wet, but still smiling. It was a miracle for sure! I have no idea how he got off the roof and on to the bench, but I'm sure glad he did.

MOMENT SHARED WITH LOVED ONE: Actually, I suppose it was the whole day. Given the situation at the beginning of the year with the stroke, and then the months of hibernating from COVID, Jim and I were finally able to pull ourselves out of the house and have a little adventure on my birthday in August. It isn't every day a person turns 65, and I just couldn't let it go. That, and the fact that school had been pushed back -- otherwise I would have been at school. So we headed out to Sanibel on a blazing hot day, ate lunch at Schnappers Hots, then visited Ding Darling Wildlife Refuge, a place we hadn't been together in over a decade. The day brought so much relief and peace and togetherness. It was the most perfect way to celebrate a special day, which probably would not have happened if it had been a normal year. 

 

 

 

 

 

2020 Wrap-Up (7 Lines/7 Days #33)

#108Weeks

 

December 27, 2020 - January 2, 2021
 

A little different approach this week, as I include my musings on some favorites of the year, and my focus for the coming year.

 

Learned to play a boogie line on my mandolin.

 

Six Mile Cypress Slough is fully open! It was wonderful to return.

 

My favorite books published in 2020: The Midnight Library, Fifty in Reverse, Such a Fun Age, Stamped Remix, and Whale Day and Other Poems.

 

My favorite albums released in 2020: ...but i'd rather by with you by Molly Tuttle; Hearts Town by War and Treaty, and 25 Trips by Sierra Hull.

 

My word for 2021 is STRENGTH.  My question is HOW CAN I SERVE?

 

My motivational song for the new year is "You Gotta Be" by Des'ree

 

My Native American Medicine for 2021 is Porcupine, which stands for Faith, Trust, and Playfulness.

 

I'M IN!

 

Entering the Quiet Zone

We are more than a week into the holiday break, and I've entered the Quiet Zone.

Today I followed through on a decision I had made which was to use the "What's Your Word" cards my writing friend Kathy gave me as part of a gift exchange. There are 33 cards that ask questions that are supposed to lead you to your "word."  I decided to go through the questions quickly and answer with one sentence each. After a warm-up and a jump start, there are several categories, each with a few related questions. Categories like Let Go, Be Me, Dream, Grow, Love, and Serve.

Answering these questions in a real "in the moment" fashion helped me get quickly to a couple important things happening with me: one has to do with physical strength, and the other has to do with how I want to spend my time going forward.

For many years I had a lot of different things going. A few years ago I cut back. I decided I wanted to spend most of my time focused on writing.  And I did pretty well with that. I've completed several personal challenges, continue to write a poem a day, and my daily journaling, of course.

But something has shifted, and now there are other things that are calling for my time. One is the mandolin. I'm enjoying getting back into it focused just on ways to have fun and play with others. Second is my Music Polls page. I thoroughly enjoy what I'm doing with it, and others seem to like it, too. And third, a bit of art. I've committed to practicing some Zentangle, and that has been relaxing fun. No goals. Just do it.

One thing that has been a concern though, is what I feel is a physical weakening. It really started with the knotted up lat muscles in my side that sometimes made it painful to stand for any period of time, let alone do any walking. I've noticed a difference in my physical strength since I turned 65, and the lat situation has compounded it, keeping me from being as active as I need to be. I still do my daily yoga and stretching, but things like walks and weights and cycling have taken a back seat. Well, are fairly non-existent.

Answering the questions in the "What's Your Word" put this in the forefront. I realized as hard as it is, I have to find ways to start building strength.

So there is my word.  STRENGTH

I started here...a return to Six Mile Cypress Slough, where I walked nearly two miles with nary a twinge from my crazy lats, and thorough enjoyment of the slough itself. Throughout the pandemic I knew the slough boardwalk was open, but I didn't go because of a simple thing like the bathrooms not being available. By the time I drive there, I usually need to use the restroom before wending my way along the boardwalk, which takes the visitor through pinewoods, a hardwood forest, a hammock, and more than a few ponds. But yesterday I learned the park was fully open, and I knew that was my first stop today.

My friend Kara shared with me her focus for the coming year: Peace, Energy, Calm. Add to that STRENGTH. And that is what I felt today, finally returning to the slough, where I don't think I've been in quite a long time. At least a year...maybe longer. 

Entering the Quiet Zone is a natural part of this bridge of time between Christmas and New Years, a time I traditionally use to reflect and ground myself. All the right ingredients came together today. I intend to use them all to keep my STRENGTH building, despite any setbacks or frustrations. It is the most perfect and necessary thing for me right now. 

STRENGTH -- Challenge Accepted!!!!

Your First Morning

 

Caboose poem inspired by Joy Harjo's "First Morning"

 

Don't look back, keep going

The year landed as it did

Now you move ahead,

reaping what you've sown

Knowing better days are coming.

In the bleak December this

may seem far away

And we know the virus

is only increasing (sadly, unnecessarily)

But every morning is a 

FIRST MORNING

The first morning to smile

     The first morning to breathe

          The first morning to write yourself into a new story.

It is always possible.

No clock ticking but your own self-imposed limitations.

Don't look back.

Keep going.

Labyrinth of Love (7 Lines/ 7 Days #32)

 #108Weeks

 

December 20-26, 2020

 

Photo by Kara Vereen

 

Take a line from someone else's poem and carry it forward

"It is necessary to come back and work in the world"

Wonderful dinner at Origami. Christmas Star bright. 

The dawning of the Age of Aquarius

Art & lunch & labyrinth & ice cream 

on a perfect weather day

Yesterday was stellar. My writing partners are writing again!

This is the time to be loyal to myself and do the things that nourish me,

including exercise and sitting Zazen

What a lovely Christmas!

Jim and I * Christmas 2020 * Bunche Beach

 

Quote from Instructions to the Cook: A Zen Master's Lessons on Living a Life that Matters

 by Bernie Glassman and Rick Fields

Harness the Power

 First line from January O'Neil's "Love Song for a Decommissioned Power Plant"

Thoughts inspired by Dolly Parton's song "I Still Believe"

Write this new space into being

a place where the dreams

of many can begin to come true.

Those of us who have believed

for a long time

in a better world.

Write of the possibility and the glow.

Write as if it will help us

all belong.

It is a guiding force:

compassion, empathy, real caring.

Fill the void

of the last few years.

Ignore the ignorance.

Write the possibility

and build the dream.

It is there

within reach.

Now.

The time is now.

This Won't Leave Me Alone

 

It was the beginning of 2nd period on Friday, and we were waiting for the morning news to come on. I realized that there was printing on the screen, something about the Ovations Dancers -- the elite dance group at my school of the arts.

And then music started and the dancers, dressed in their Christmas jammies, were dancing on the stage, on the walkways, and all kinds of recognizable places around our campus, to the music of Mariah Carey.

I turned off the lights and stood in the corner of the room, a huge lump in my throat, trying to fight back the tears (that still come with the memory), and it all flooded in, all the losses of this school year, knowing that this day traditionally given over to a wonderful holiday celebration had been truncated, left to one class to video and share.

As I fought back tears, I looked around my study hall class, and some weren't even watching the screen. Meanwhile, I was trying so hard not to totally melt down, like I'm doing now over 24 hours later as I write these words.

Throughout this pandemic, I've done a good job accentuating the positive, making the wisest choices I can about any social activities, and looking at the benefits it has given us. There are some, truly.

But this past Friday morning, I had to grieve. I had to acknowledge the loss. I had to recognize fully for the first time I wouldn't be hearing the jazz band play some upbeat holiday tune, that I wouldn't get to hear the magnificent Panther Singers, and worst of all, our whole school would not be singing "The Twelve Days of Christmas" together, as is our tradition--my very favorite, by the way.

Today has had many lovely things about it, spending time making music and with my online writing friends. But this grief wouldn't shake out of me, despite it all.

It just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote about it. It is reminding me I can't bury the sorrows that are part of 2020. 

Time will move on, things will change, and it will be easy to forget some of the strife. This is my small part in documenting the realities. 

And now maybe I can finally start letting it go.

Another Tough Week (7 Lines/ 7 Days #31)

 #108Weeks

December 13-19, 2020

 

 

 

I am happy to return to Zen, something that has drifted away.

I saw a beautiful eagle flying rather low -- a great reminder that Spirit is always with me.

Ricky's band concert was livestreamed and I loved everything about it!

I worked on non-attachment, especially with my 6th graders.

If I want my students to enjoy writing, I have to provide a light environment. 

I love hearing their laughter as they put their ideas together.

 

I had to shut down a 7th grader's assertion that being required to go to school was like slavery. 

Uh, no. Not ever.

 

Yesterday morning I had a sad reminder of all we've lost. Really choked me up.

Everything I Need (7 Lines/ 7 Days #30)

 #108 Weeks

 

December 5-12, 2020

 

 

Make amends before it's too late.

10 more days, then a nice long break.

 I cried happy tears of joy when Lauren & Ali arrived in my room with a

soaking wet Nemo. I didn't realize how much that little guy meant.

Had 7 people at the Creative Writing Club and lots of good poems shared.

More kids being quarantined every day.

For some reason the heat never shuts off in my classroom, making me very grumpy!

Reminded again that I always have everything I need in any given moment.

Smooth (7 Lines/ 7 Days #29)

#108Weeks

November 29-December 5, 2020

 

 I've 100% found myself again.

More kids are quarantined -- all morning I was getting emails.

I'm really glad we're at a smoother time of the year.

"Don't quit before the miracle happens because there might be more than one."

I'm starting to reflect a lot on the last 11 months.

This has been no ordinary year!

I have a lot of positive feelings for 2021.

(quote from Regina Brett)

Journal Entry Sunday, November 29, 2020

 I don't often post things I've written in my journal, but today it feels just right.

Here's what has happened this week:

I 100% found myself again.

I think that's why I'm actually looking forward to heading back to the classroom. My energy is restored.

And funny thing -- in the book I'm reading set in 1970, the Kent State Shooting just happened. And I was reflecting on how things quieted down after that -- after years of increasing turmoil in our country. And we are kind of in the same place today. Since the election -- even with the DT insanity -- things have really calmed down. I look at Joe Biden and his dedication to our country, to all our people, and I feel a renewed purpose in what I do. I've got to say, I don't think I've ever felt this inspired by a president. (I was a little young for the Kennedy era.)

I look to the future and, despite what is happening with COVID, I see so much hope that we will be rising up together to create a new world out of the ashes of 2020.

 

Michael Meade has said it for years -- the world has to be turned upside down in order to create a new one. There is no other way. We have lived in the "liminal" time* for a while now -- it felt so painful at times -- but now I think we can see the light. Yes, it's connected to a vaccine, I know this, and I'm fine with it.

I have learned so much through this time. Some of it I would never have learned otherwise.

As I've written about previously, I'm in Act Three. Things got pretty stressful for a while, but I'm learning to trust myself again. Doubt can be debilitating. I've moved beyond that time now and I've got it balanced and working for the benefit of all. Gotta admit -- it feels great!

MAGNIFY THE GOOD

What I focus on expands.

*The word liminal comes from the Latin word 'limen', meaning threshold - any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the 'what was' and the 'next.' It is a place of transition, a season of waiting, and not knowing.

Chill Week (7 Lines/ 7 Days #28)

 #108Weeks

 

November 22 - 28, 2020

 

 

Yesterday I spontaneously set up a Music Polls page.  Lots of fun so far.

 

I am feeling a lot of creativity in my personal writing and stuff for school, 

and I think I need to allow it.  Just dig in!

Even though I'm not doing...doing...doing, I'm sure enjoying this week.

Had a fun day yesterday: art exhibit, lunch on a veranda, & gelato all with a good friend.

 

Biden gave a beautiful Thanksgiving address. He is the right man for the moment. 

Every time I see him I love him more and more. 

I've kicked into a good place.  I will be ready for the next 3 weeks.

Today I return to mandolin playing after over two years!

The Frilled Lizard Ramble

 Got to thinking about some things today...

It began when I started to think about a photo I saw from Thanksgiving. It was a family I know who live out west (have never met personally, Jim's relatives), and noted conservatives and Trump supporters. They were gathered at two tables with several other people and the caption read "Faith instead of Fear"

So I started thinking...was this ever about fear?

That led me to what I witnessed in the run-up to the holiday. Many people felt pressured by family members to continue Thanksgiving like they always had, and it was causing many relationship issues. Many of the reasons given, of course, had to do with not living in fear.

My next thought -- perhaps it is just kindness instead of selfishness? After all, the COVID situation is clearly spinning out of control.  Is keeping life in some kind of "control" better than making sure you are part of the solution, not the problem?

*

I once knew a woman who was 75-years-old and for decades had celebrated Christmas the exact same way. Then there was a year where her husband insisted they travel to Washington state for a family holiday gathering. The woman was completely freaked out about not having her regular Christmas. She was not coping with it well at all.

It was really sad to see her in such a state. I gave up "tradition" in 1979 when I went with a friend to New Orleans on Thanksgiving and had shrimp for dinner!  I've never needed snow on Christmas, turkey on Thanksgiving (we had prime rib last night), and I have always been willing to mix things up. But knowing what I know, I get that many people can't cope with that kind of change.

I thought about how people were lashing out at relatives who desired to heed the warnings and remain safe. It occurred to me that those were the one who were really afraid - terrified of what life has thrown at us this year, so much so they are willing to say or do anything to form the world in the only way they think it works.

My 6th grade students read a science article about animal defenses, and one was the Frilled Lizard. When this guy sees an enemy, he tries running up the tree. When that doesn't help, he puffs up his neck and hisses to scare away the enemy. 

I think many people are like the lizard -- when they can't get their way, they start insulting and mocking the person they claim they can't celebrate without. I don't even get how that would make a happy holiday -- berating and shaming someone into joining you?

Where is the love?

Who is really afraid here? 

Then I got to thinking about two times this year I was most afraid: the day my husband had his stroke, and the thought of the president winning the election. 

Thanksgiving was small potatoes in relation. Seriously! 

I think that by wearing a mask and limiting my exposure, it is good for everyone. It distresses me at times that others don't think beyond themselves.

Why have so many forgotten our interdependence? The common good? 

Or were they never aware of it to begin with?

I'm glad that most of the people I know personally had a wise and wonderful holiday, not taking chances, and remembering that Thanksgiving is never all about them. 

It's always about larger love and caring and respecting the wishes of others. No hissing necessary!

Progress (7 Lines/7 Days #27)

 #108Weeks

November 15-21, 2020

 

 COVID is rising again as we knew it would, and extra caution is needed. With that in mind, Jim and I decided to forego having dinner out for Thanksgiving.

Saw a meme yesterday: You're not stuck at home. You're safe at home.

Gratitude boomerangs back -- I got a sweet appreciative email from one of my Assistant Principals.

I'm feeling pretty easygoing at work.

It's a Thanksgiving miracle -- we got to where we usually are by this time of year, 

and it makes my heart happy.

I need to believe our democracy will hold even as corruption seeps through.

I came home Friday and collapsed. Thank God for a break!

All Is Not Lost

 This is the first time I've felt inspired to write in my blog in a very long time.

The school year has been strange in so many ways. Usually by this time the classes are in a groove and doing well. And that has happened -- not exactly in the ways I'm used to, but I'm seeing it.

It is Spirit Week at our school, and yesterday was Red, White, and Blue day. So when I saw this picture from Pexels, I felt it represented what occurred on Wednesday.

3rd period was its usual quiet self. It is my largest in-person class, mostly girls, and is always super quiet.

5th period is my toughest class -- mostly boys, and lots of off-task behavior.  But yesterday was a bit different.  They had an assignment to do (which usually barely gets done), but they were working. And helping each other. And suddenly it was 15 minutes before lunch, and they were ALL DONE (except for one kid who was admitting he was just being lazy.)

So I let them go out into the courtyard on this beautiful November day and play. I have a stuffed fish (Nemo) they used as a football. They had the time of their lives.  It was so fun to hear them playing, to see them being kids and not staring at a computer. It did my heart good.

7th period came, and they got the job done. Then 9th was buzzing along until the last 15 minutes -- fire drill!

We came back in just in time to clean the desks and leave for 11th period. But the internet had gone down!  I couldn't get a Zoom session opened for my online kids. Admin came on the PA and it sounded like they didn't know when it would come back up, so I had to scramble for something for my kids to do that was not computer-related. Lo and behold, I was already set up for a back-up activity on Friday, with card-making supplies ready for them to write Thank You notes to people in their lives.  The kids had a blast making the cards, getting creative, piling notes on my desk, and eventually going outside to play tag. I didn't have to deal with online kids. I sat and relished what we had -- a chance to have school like "the old days" -- making things by hand, playing together, and not staring at a computer screen. I didn't have to worry that the online kids weren't getting the same experience because, well, there was no connection.

I was exhausted by the time I got home, for it had been a real roller coaster ride. But I realized all has not been lost. The kids are finding ways to be successful, to support each other, to be kids and have fun. It reminded me again of all the reasons I am a teacher -- to experience joy and learning and spontaneity. 

As tiring as it was in the end, my heart still feels full and happy.

Pray Like You Mean It (7 Lines/ 7 Days #26)

 #108Weeks

November 8 - 14, 2020

 

 

Today the world feels wonderfully different. Everything is lighter, 

not the foreboding feeling I've had for years.

Surprise home from school day. Storm has been raging all night.

Read one of my favorite Regina Brett essays: "Pray Like You Mean It."

It brought so much clarity.

This election stuff is scary and unproductive and putting us all at risk.

It is such a strange week!

Prayed for our country to make a positive step forward today. 

We need a calm transition.

Results are final: 306-232

Calmer and Better (7 Lines/7 Days #25)

 #108Weeks

 

November 1-7, 2020

 

Caught up with friends Annmarie and Laurie at Skillets

I was starting to feel down, then Kara called and now I feel better.

The way I taught yesterday felt more like me. I need more of that.

OMG. It's 58 degrees outside. Wow.

Thank you, Joe for giving a beautiful speech uniting and supporting his vision for us.

Things still slow on election results, but GA and PA looking good.

Everything already feels calmer and better.

 

(A few hours later, everything changed!)
 

Magnifying Glass (7 Lines/7 Days #24)

 #108Weeks

 

October 25-31, 2020

 

 The election is on my mind. I pray for a BLUE WAVE.

Damn. Just found out that the three hours I spent putting in comments for interims didn't save. Start over.

I have been increasingly short with my students and I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.

This quarter beat me up. I've been living on Advil and Biofreeze for the last few weeks, and it's getting old.

I've got to get back to recording some lessons. I'm wearing myself out.

Aah! I had my grades done and signed off by noon --that was a huge relief!

Magnify the good.

So Many Ideas! (7 Lines/ 7 Days #23)

 #108Weeks

October 18-24, 2020

 

 Having a plan relieves my stress.

Been focusing on the moment as I find myself thinking ahead and sometimes worry comes across me about imagined ills in the future and ya know, that doesn't help anyone.

Had a crazy dream there was an early pizza party at work and I arrived late. I mean...it was pizza before 9 a.m.  The place was rockin'.

I ordered another Regina Brett book because I need uplifting stories. The Psalms aren't doing it!

I had a relaxing planning period -- first one all year.

I'm glad I have the weekend to chill.

So many ideas coming my way!

Sigh of Relief (7 Lines/ 7 Days #22)

 #108Weeks

 

October 11 - 17, 2020

 

 

It was with dedicated time and energy I got every bit of grading done.

A seriously monumental feat.

When I remember to let her, God is my guide always.

We have got to heal...for our children...for our democracy...for all of us.

I feel like I'm finally getting to know the ins and outs of these kids.

Yesterday I implemented a policy to stop the ridiculous practice of turning in blank documents.

Then I came up with a "Pathway to Success" to help failing kids. I could hear a collective sigh of relief.