I have made a commitment to three things: finding time for Blue Space (beach, sky), Green Space (earth, woods), and the responses I have to poets & writers. I seek to discover the art of being.
I never thought I’d agree with Howard Stern about much of anything.
But then I found this video, and it begins with Howard saying this is his favorite Willie Nelson song.
It’s mine as well. The song is called “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground.” Chris slides into this song like putting on a pair of his favorite old boots.
And he isn’t even wearing his trademark hat!
A Chris performance and a Willie song equal an unbeatable combination I’m posting here tonight so I can revisit any time.
The only thing I wanted to listen to today was James Taylor's Hourglass album from 1997. As I listened, I journaled about what was arising in me.
By the second song the tears were flowing. The chorus of "Enough to Be On Your Way" hits me every time:
It's enough to be on your way
It's enough just to cover ground
It's enough to be moving on
Home--build it behind your eyes
Carry it in your heart
Safe among your own.
What I love about this song is that it seems to be about anything you need it to be. Something about it reaches deep inside me, even now, 27 years later. It was the summer I was waiting to have surgery for what they told me was ovarian cancer, and the whole world felt lit up and healing was within reach. Albums like this one and Sarah MacLachlan's Surfacing helped me through those July days. In fact, I even had Jim bring a CD player to the hospital so I could listen in my room. The power in the music was what I needed at that time, and has been with me ever since. I want to highlight a few of the songs here.
"Enough to Be On Your Way" has one of the best lyrics I have ever heard. The song is a narrative about a friend who went missing out west with some Buddhists. The story is both abstract and concrete. My favorite lines from the song come at the end:
He woke me up on a Sunday
An hour before the sun
It had me watchin' the headlights
Out on Highway Five, Nine, One
'Till I stepped into my trousers
'Till I pulled my big boots on
I walked out on the mesa
And I stumbled on this song
I just love the imagery of James walking out on the mesa at dawn and finding this song. It is beyond beautiful. Listen here:
I always feel that summer led me to the revelation in November that I wanted to become a teacher. It was like preparing the ground for me.
Likewise, I feel the same this summer -- the health situation with Jim and myself -- is leading me somewhere I cannot see. I sense the end of my career as a public school teacher even though in many ways I'd love to have one final year. It may or may not happen.
Another song that was a favorite is called "Another Day," with lyrics:
Another day
Another chance that we may finally find our way
The sun has begun to melt all our fears away
Another day
Overcoming fear is definitely a theme in this album, as I am just recognizing now. I can see why it was so relevant to me with the cancer scare hanging over me back then.
The song "Up from Your Life" acknowledges that we may often find it hard to get out of our own way. I distinctly remember a moment of my life with this song. It was in the fall when I was falling into depression, and had spent the early hours sunk in my own gloom. I finally pulled myself out of the house to go for a walk in the woods. I started the car and the cassette began to play:
So much for your moment of prayer,
God's not at home
there is no there, there...
Though I hate to see you surrender,
you need to surrender,
we must find you a way to
Look up from your life
Up from your life
Look up from your life
I remember sitting in the garage laughing at myself for holding on to my own sadness instead of realizing what was available in the moment. I was way too caught up in myself! It was like James was poking fun at me. I heard the message loud and clear.
And today it was the same. These are the words that tumbled out of me while I listened:
There is light
There is a way
Fear has no place
Expect the unexpected
Give a listen to this very special song. Branford Marsalis on the sax is stunning!
So those were the songs from 1997 that had me in their grip. So why did I need to listen today?
To discover this one: "Up Er Mei." This is another one that has a lot of abstraction, and today that spoke fully to me. I will need to spend more time with these lyrics to see what they hold for me, so I am adding it to my Emerge Playlist for 2024. By the way, Mount Er Mei is a mountain in China and is the location of a Buddhist temple build in 1st century CE. (Link below) I never even bothered to look this up until today.
Anyway, back to the lyrics:
We were walking in paradise, never did tumble.
Blind in the Buddha land, looking for trouble
We had been told of a place far beyond this vale of tears
We could never have guessed, we were already blessed
There we were, where we are,
in the garden
in the garden.
Seems like words to hang onto! I'll keep you posted if I discover anything new.
In my summer of purging, I came across the Dragonfly notebook. This was an idea from my friend Wendy. All the students had a composition book to decorate with a variety of pictures I provided, or they found themselves. Then we covered them with contact paper. These books were sturdy and provided writing practice and lessons. I first used this in the 2014-15 school year, when my teaching load was much lighter than it would eventually become—47 students total, all struggling readers. This notebook was how I demonstrated writing poetry and short answer responses. And it went beyond that first year, as there are things dated all the way to 2017. It was my “go-to” when I wanted kids to see how I puzzled through writing or breaking down text, and sometimes it was when we did things together.
I found some poems in the book that I decided to share here. I consider this notebook a keeper, since it has a lot of easy and powerful ideas I don’t always remember to use. Below you will find some poems that were in the book, things I modeled or perhaps the class wrote together, I'm not sure. Anyway, I found them delightful, and hope you will as well.
The front
The back
*First is the poem that puzzles me as to its origin. It seems to be following a specific pattern, but I have no clue what I was modeling it after.
Inspiration surprises me
Inspiration surprises me
I am a shining star
My creativity is a guiding light
My creativity is a guiding light
in which I walk
seeking expression
like a Mozart or Van Gogh
How the paths
of the local parks
nourish, nourish
and the silent trees
nod.
Inspiration rises
between me and things
sparkling
sparkling
strong inspiration acted upon
is beautiful as sunrise
and swift with ideas
Strong inspiration dazzles
Strong inspiration dazzles
opening the mind
and heart.
*This is one I've used many times based on My Many Colored Days by Dr. Seuss.
On gold days
I feel confident
like an automobile
racing down a winding road
on the edge of a mountain.
On red days
I'm energized
like a kid bouncing
on a pogo stick
down the stairs
On purple days
I am happy
like clouds floating lazily
in the Florida sky.
* The list poem is always popular. This one made me giggle, then sigh.
List of What I Have to Say to 2nd Period Over and Over
Gerry, do you have a belt?
Terrance, you are not leaving the room
Andrew, sit down
Jamel, get your book
Jose, get back to your seat
Listen to Mrs. Buckner
Ty'ree, open your book
Christian, thank you for being on task
Yes, Zoey, you can write poetry
Yes, David, you can read poetry
I'm so glad you're here.
*And finally, a found poem from when we read The Great Wide Sea.
This is a post I was working on before my world turned upside down.
One of my main projects this summer was to purge a lot of stuff out of my studio, with the goal it would be ready when Braydon arrives for a visit in August -- a room of his own, even though it is just a sleeping bag on the floor.
While unearthing things, I found several journals. One was from my first two years teaching, and also included my "Golden Apple" journeys. I read through every word, revisiting how I worked through my first year of teaching -- and sometimes thought, hmmmm, some things never change...--and how I grew the second year. The Golden Apple stuff...ugh.
I easily tossed that journal. It didn't have much to offer.
Then I found my Homework for Life notebook. I first wrote about this concept on my blog in a post titled "Clippings of Love" in July of 2018. After reading through this notebook, I was compelled to share this idea again.
The Homework for Life notebook had entries from July 2018 until May 2020. The concept is simple: at the end of each day, write down something that is story worthy--something that you want to remember and could share with others.
Reading through the notebook gave me so much joy, I can hardly explain. The fact that it steps us into the pandemic is an additional gift. It reminded me of stories I have long remembered, and it prompted me to remember things I had forgotten all about. An example: there are several entries that mention a student named Dobbin who I taught two different years. Truth be told, I've forgotten all about Dobbin. But there were so many sweet moments with him I recorded, it made me wonder how I could have forgotten him.
Thus the power of Homework for Life.
I cannot part with this particular notebook because I think there are still stories to tell from it. And I immediately revisited Matthew Dicks' video that explains the power of this small technique. I purchased a new notebook and have started again.
If you are reading this, I implore you to watch Matthew's video and start your own Homework for Life notebook. It contains a power that no other writing has. Do it for yourself. You won't regret it.
P.S. Matthew has a blog where he shares a story daily. I am finding it something I look forward to every day. He always frames things in ways that matter. Subscribe at Matthew Dicks Blog
About a month ago I wrote about Wolf Medicine. I applied it as well as I could to my last few weeks of school. As a reminder, here were the suggestions:
Expand your limited view of the present situation
Look and new ideas—delete old ideas
In the discovery and rediscovery of every inch of ground comes the knowledge that nothing remains the same
Wolf is urging you to seek teachers and pathfinders that will show the way to new life experiences
The teacher can be a small still voice inside, a person, a leaf, a cloud, a stone, a tree, a book, or the Great Spirit
Take up the sense of adventure
After Monday’s shock to my system, I knew I had to correct my thinking. I have started reading Think Again by Adam Grant and it is helping me see I’ve caused my own distress by being married to certain ideas. Things are changing and I can dig in or I can discover new ways of being.
Coming back to Wolf, I see I have to delete old ideas and welcome in new ones. I do have a limited view on what makes me a satisfied and productive teacher —a view that already has been altered by my forced absences this past semester. (I’ve always thought I need to be there…but the kids thrived anyway, I had to find new ways to make that happen.)
Of course, I’d like my final year to be perfect…but it was never going to be that way. Now it presents challenges that will force me to rethink how I do my job, how I run my classes.
This is not a bad thing.
Tomorrow is the New Moon, and I will enter a new medicine phase. Meanwhile, I thank Wolf for pointing the way and helping me see that clinging to old ideas is never healthy or helpful.
I’ve been revisiting a notebook I bought before attending and presenting at the ASCD conference in Orlando in June 2019. My teacher friends and I presented a workshop on found poetry, an experience that was one of the best in my professional career.
I’ve come to regard 2019 as a golden age of my teaching. At the time, I felt like I was getting a true grip on who I was as a teacher, and had clarity on how to best use classroom time to reach my learners in creative ways. I was teaching intensive readers using a curriculum developed by National Geographic, and I was teaching my own originally designed courses in creative writing and speech & debate. Everything had clicked into place.
In early 2020, I was having the absolute best semester of my life. I could feel the vibe in the classroom was positive, kids were learning and taking risks. We were alive with possibilities.
Then the shutdown came.
And nothing has been the same.
So much of what I documented as good teaching and learning in my green notebook was useless to me when we had to go online and everything became about reaching remote learners. And as kids returned, and the years went on, it was evident much had changed. Behaviors were different. Our schedule changed, and I lost the courses I had designed. I was given an intensive curriculum that was dead in the water, no matter how much I tried to breathe life into it (Read 180). I was also teaching a higher level research course out of Cambridge University, which I eventually could see was lacking in many ways.
By last year at this time, I was ready to flee. I made serious steps to leave my school. I didn’t, and along the way I was released from Read 180 and given a section of creative writing. The Cambridge course was no longer just for high end students, which caused a whole new learning curve for me. I still had intensive reading, but at least it had decent literature (Dickinson, Wordsworth, Dylan Thomas) and I felt I could be a bit more creative and get somewhere. On top of that, my husband received a devastating diagnosis in January, and my time to teach was reduced. I am lucky to have made it to the end of the year in one piece, frankly.
My final year beckons, and I have decided it is time to return to the golden age and make it real again. I’m finding my green notebook has a blueprint for some really great stuff, some I have used before, some I have not. I have some autonomy, and where I don’t I’m taking it anyway. I have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing it my way.
I had wonderful conversations over the weekend with teacher friends, and I feel smart, strong, fearless, and resilient. Who knew when I purchased this notebook at Target five years ago (I actually remember choosing this one over others), that the words on the cover and the words inside would be coming alive in me today?
In June 2019 none of us had any idea things could go so awry. Now that I know, I realize the importance of moving forward in ways that work. My learners deserve no less from me, and I will be prepared.
ADDENDUM
After I published this essay, a meme came up on my FB feed that went with it, and I had to add this here. It’s a good reminder to stay the course I’ve decided on, so a year from now I can be smiling and thankful I did what I knew had to be done.
There are many places I have felt on holy ground, but on Sunday I discovered one I didn’t expect…
The car wash
I filled up my tank, got my receipt, entered the code, and drove my car in until the machine yelled STOP! At that moment, “My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison came on the radio. The timing could not have been more precise.
What else could I do but crank the volume up, close my eyes, and let it all “wash over me?” 😝
It was a meditation extraordinaire.
I’ve known this song since I was fifteen; after today, I will never hear it the same again.
