2021 Year in Review in Photos

The year of 2021 seemed rather mild in general, with a few hiccups and a couple of epic trips in the summer. Here is my Year in Review

Something New I Tried--Brew Dogs

When I arrived in Columbus, I knew one of our first stops would be Brew Dogs, a place I had been hearing about for a couple of years. It is an incredible brewery with restaurant, outdoor seating area, a nature walk, and a dog friendly hotel. It was the first of many adventures that week.

 

With Paul and Margie

 

Feeling Connected: Van Gogh Experience and Six Mile Slough

 

The pandemic was still raging with vaccines still not plentiful when I spent a couple of incredible days with friends. In February, it was a Saturday at Six Mile Cypress Slough with Laurie and Annmarie, followed by lunch at Mellow Mushroom. In March it was the Van Gogh Experience (art and music) with friends Amy and Kara. Since the exhibit was at the Dali Museum, we walked through the streets of St. Pete to find a place for lunch. Both of these days lifted my spirits during the trying times of a tough school year and health concerns, by connecting me to all the things I love most: friends, food, music, art, and nature.

 

 

Laurie, Annmarie, and me

With Amy and Kara at Dali Museum

 

 

Makes Me Smile -- Mom and John in Metroparks

This year we received the news that my 89-year-old mother has advanced Alzheimers. So you can imagine my delight when my brother John sent this beautiful picture of my mother at an overlook in the Rocky River Reservation. It is obvious the drive through nature was uplifting to her, since this is the best photo I've seen of her in a while.

Feeling Proud -- Ricky and his JCU Friends

My nephew Ricky headed off to college in the fall with $40 in his pocket I gave him with instructions that when he made friends at John Carroll University, he was to treat them. I was delighted when he texted me this photo of his friends enjoying ice cream on me!

 

 

Highlight of the Year -- Cookout in Westerville

What a wonderful evening at John and Gail's home--great food and the chance to see my niece Emily and her fabulous family. As a bonus I also got to spend time with my cousin Rick from Virginia, and my cousin Mark and his wife Kristen. It was a blast watching the kids play with the toys I got them, catching up with everyone, and just feeling relaxed on a beautiful Ohio evening.

 

With Paxton, Aiden, Lexi, Kaylee, & Margie

With the incredible Emily

John, me, Rick, Margie, & Mark

 

Meaningful Moment -- Ashlynn's First Day Back in My Class

I have long contended that reading a book together in the classroom is one of the most powerful experiences a student can have. More than once I have had students return their memories to me about books we read. I was thrilled and delighted when it happened again this year. Two years ago when I taught advanced 6th graders, we read The Bridge Home. This year, on the first day of class with 8th grade advanced students, Ashlynn walked in and the first words out of her mouth were, "Ms. Sadler, do you remember that book we read in 6th grade? That was so good! It is still my favorite book."  It doesn't get any better than that for a reading teacher!

Moment with Loved One -- Grand Ole Opry July 22

Nashville and the Grand Ole Opry have held great meaning for us since we first visited in 2013. After Jim's stroke, and then the pandemic hitting, I didn't know if we would ever be able to attend the Opry again. Our desire to get back there remain stoked as the Opry broadcasted live, even to an empty house, to keep the circle unbroken (as they say) during the shutdown. It made us long for the day we could return. In May I decided to map out a trip, even though it felt risky. But Jim agreed we should try, and in July we were on our way to Nashville. It was not an easy trip by any means, and our plans to meet John and Gail for dinner before the show got pretty messed up. But Jim had sprung for some of the best seats in the house and let me tell you, it really made a difference. From Connie Smith to Larry Gatlin to Lauren Alaina, we felt part of the music more than ever (and this was our 5th visit.)  When I think of this year, it is truly a night I remember most. Before the show someone sitting near us took this photo, and I'm so glad she did. To me it represents so many moments: making the risky decision to travel, pursuing our dream, and being somewhere I love with someone I love. It made everything that a came beforehand feel small in comparison.

No Apologies -- On Writing

 

 

Today's poem and subsequent explanation were prompted by a section of the poem "The Flea" by Rick Barot:

At a certain point I stopped and asked

what poems I could write, which were different

from the poems I wanted to write, the wanting

being proof that I couldn't write those poems, that they

were impossible.

Oh boy, I can relate.

I always think I can do a different kind of poetry, that

I will suddenly become someone

who studies and revises her

own poems until every word

and beat is perfect.

Instead, poetry runs through me

in a moment and with a few

tiny adjustments, is released.

Like this one.

And I make no apologies.

(7:40 a.m.)

After writing this little piece, and thinking it good enough to publish, I happened to revisit my 7 Lines/7 Days poems from 2021. In reading back, I realized that at the beginning of this year I made a clear decision to spend time on other things besides my writing. Which worked for a while. 

 

But for a true writer, that is not workable long term plan.

The craving began. I wrote quite a few things about the desire to write, about not getting going, and about not being satisfied with where I was as a writer.

Then came October and my world completely crumbled in a way I haven't seen in decades. And it was with that my writing came back to me. It has been my lifesaver, my friend, my confidante, my connection, my scolding, my map-making. In other words, writing is everything to me. Which sounds cliche but truly, it is not.

So however it shows up, that is okay. 

 

I am a writer. 

 

And the way I approach it, the how and when, requires no apologies.

Love & Faith & Joy (7 Lines/7 Days #84)

 #108Weeks

December 19-25, 2021

I've been revising my reading goals for 2022, and liking the direction.

I came face-to-face with the fact that I need a major mental adjustment.

Atomic Habits by James Clear is helping me make small changes to get my physical strength back in a manageable way.

On Solstice Day I wrote this: I commit more fully to the life I know I can live. I commit more fully to vulnerability, innovation, creation, and joy.  I commit more fully to cultivating my heart, leading with my heart, shining light from my heart. And I seriously commit to not blaming others or myself for what is. I welcome it all -- every ugly and beautiful moment, encounter, and feeling -- as TEACHER.

I must continue to look at each moment with love and faith and joy. I'm calling it WILD JOY.

Progress, not perfection.

Have faith and be the change!

Wild Joy on a Christmas Morning

 I dedicate my life going forward to Wild Joy. 

Great Blue Heron greets me

Tide Tracks

Standing Tall in the Sun

My Path to the Prayer Point

Reflecting on Aging

Thinking Out Loud on an Auspicious Solstice Morning

 Written 12-21-21

I am finding inspiration and motivation from every direction.

A few days ago I realized I was ready to move on from the place I've been, which has been rather stuck. I knew this was coming, but I did not have a vision.

Today the vision began to form.

First, with Atomic Habits by James Clear. I'm thinking What kind of person do I want to be? And What habits will get me there?

This motivated me to get on my exercise bike, and I put on a podcast from Michael Meade called "The Cultivated Heart: In Loving Memory of Robert Bly."  I have met both of these men before, and Robert passed a month ago today.  In the podcast, Michael focused a lot on writings Robert did for a poetry anthology they worked on together called The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart. It has always been one of my favorite collections.

What was helpful to me is that the topic of cultivating our hearts caused Michael to focus on a few specific poems, two of which really spoke to me.

 

I think I will also take a moment to mention why I knew I was stuck, even as I knew it was time to move on. First, I had a meeting with some friends where I found myself blaming a lot of others for things I'm encountering. This left me emotionally reeling for at least 12 hours, and was not a pleasant experience.

Second, I met a friend for lunch and a Broadway show, only to find myself surprised that she brought me Christmas presents. Why I was surprised baffled me. We always exchange gifts. How is it that I have not even given it ONE thought these last few weeks when I knew we had this event coming up?  My only answer is that I have become ridiculously insular and selfishly focused that even things that should be evident go right past me. Not a good feeling. I blamed myself deeply for the neglect of this important exchange.

Another thing I encountered recently that brought me up short was revisiting other blog posts from Decembers of previous years. It is there I found something I wrote on December 9, 2017 called "On Questions and Contradictions." In this post I discovered that much of what I keep complaining about now are the exact same things that were happening then. Have I not even figured out how to do better?

In the blog, I referred to the poem "The Sunflowers" by Mary Oliver, in which she suggests we ask sunflowers questions:

Come with me
to visit the sunflowers,
they are shy
but want to be friends;
they have wonderful stories
of when they were young –
the important weather,
the wandering crows.
Don’t be afraid
to ask them questions!
Their bright faces,
which follow the sun,
will listen, and all
those rows of seeds –
each one a new life!

I then proceeded to ask myself a lot of questions, many I still have today. Things like...How do I get through to my students? Why do I go through this every year? What will make real change? 

And most importantly, Why can't I be you, Sunflower?

Coming upon this blog post was unforgettable in this current quest.  Leave it to Michael Meade to pick up the pieces for me when he read this poem:

This poem connected everything together -- all my tears, my grief, my vulnerability, my blaming of others, and a good comeuppance on how wrong my view can be. This is about seeds being cultivated. It has been too easy to tighten up and not let that seed explode into something wonderful. After all, everything real in life is about breaking open to the moment. Without it, there is no creativity, no innovation.

Michael goes on to explain:

[We must live] with immediacy of the soul, that rare sense that the next moment can break open. And that we must...marry it, step into it, and become ourselves in that moment of opening and awaking. If we fail to do that we have not fully participated in the world.

It is obvious I have to do that which is really difficult for me -- truly open up, live more fully, love more actively. I have been saying this for years, and I think I'm doing it, but recent events have found my fault lines. And recent events have also taught me I have no time to waste. I look ahead and I see an end line. This is a new feeling, and one I must reckon with.

But Michael wasn't done. Then he introduced this poem, which gave me further marching orders!

To Be a Slave of Intensity (Kabir, trans. by Robert Bly)

Friend, hope for the guest while you are alive.
Jump into experience while you are alive!
Think...and think...while you are alive.
What you call 'salvation' belongs to the time before death.

If you don't break your ropes while you're alive,
do you think
ghosts will do it after?

The idea that the soul will join with the ecstatic
Just because the body is rotten -
that is all fantasy.
What is found now is found then.
If you find nothing now,
you will simply end up with an apartment in the City of Death.
If you make love with the divine now, in the next life you will have the face of satisfied desire.

So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is,
Believe in the Great Sound!

Kabir says this: When the guest is being searched for, it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that does all the work.
Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity. 

JUMP INTO EXPERIENCE WHILE YOU ARE ALIVE.

BREAK THE ROPES.

I simply LOVE that! 

"So plunge into the truth, find out who the Teacher is, Believe in the Great Sound"

Welcome it all--joy and sorrow. Don't ignore any of it. ENGAGE!

So the answer to Why can't I be you, Sunflower?

is

I AM. I just don't activate it.

*

I'm not quite done, even though that seems like quite a lot.

For the first time in a long time I pulled a Rune stone. And the word was perfect, of course: FAITH.

This is already a word I have embraced during the journey over these past few months. I discovered it when I did the 33 Question Cards to find my word. When the Rune divination said the same, well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

And I still needed these words:

Faith encourages us to believe that we can make a difference -- in ourselves and in the world.

And so, on this auspicious solstice day of 12-21-21, I commit more fully to the life I know I need to live. I commit more fully to vulnerability, innovation, creation, and joy. I commit more fully to cultivating my heart, leading with my heart, shining light from my heart. And I seriously commit to not blaming others or myself for what is. I welcome it all--every ugly or beautiful moment, encounter, or feeling-- as TEACHER.

I needed to identify the turning point, and this has been it.

11:05 am  12/21/2021

 

28. My Heart is a Spotlight

#66Challenge

 

Today a new angle on the Sun Bu-er poem emerged when I read this line from Robert Bly:

The evening arrives; we look up and it is there.

 

Cut brambles long enough

I kept looking, trying to see

Sprout after sprout

There is this and this and this

And the lotus will bloom

Of it's own accord:

Ask the right questions

Frame it in a new way

Already waiting in the clearing

Pay attention to the obvious

The single image of light

It becomes self-evident

The day you see this,

That day you will become it

The spotlight shines on the image that matters -- 

Saying "Look Here"

 

Shifting (7 Lines/7 Days #83)

 #108Weeks

December 12-18, 2021

Crystal Bowl Meditation removed all the knots in my neck and shoulders. 

On Monday, I had a hard time feeling any love or joy at work because I had gotten all wrapped up in the numbers. 

I’ve decided I can’t be a Read 180 fascist. 

Found a way to lift a student’s spirits and belief in herself, and that felt good. 

Something shifted and I’m back in teacher mode. Wasn’t sure when or if that would ever happen.

On Friday I discovered how vulnerable I am, and it sent me reeling for hours. Fortunately it took place in a safe space, and I’m so grateful for wonderful friends.

If nothing else, I needed this week for everything to settle in, and to see once again how resilient I am.

25. "Heartbeat is the telegram..."

 #66Challenge

 

This poem was inspired by Barbara Kingsolver's poem "Down Under" in which she describes a hike in Australia, ending with this stanza:

Heartbeat is the telegram

to believe: full stop.

Elbows on knees we crouch down

under the scrub for shade, familiar

territory, hands to sand,

roots to moisture.

Join the tribe of creatures

getting out of here alive.

Today I know I'm going to make it.

 

Barbara's poem seemed to describe

my experience perfectly.

 

How weak and thirsty I became.

How slowly I've emerged again.

 

I've been crouching under the

shade brush, as she describes,

 

my mind not fully engaged

since facing the trauma I felt.

 

Little by little I'm coming back.

 

Where the last break facilitated the

healing of my mind,

 

this one will bring me back to

my teaching heart.

 

24. "The grass bends..."

#66Challenge

The grass bends

then learns again to stand 

~Tracy K. Smith~

 

This was me this past week,

grass being tromped down

bent out of shape

torn and tattered.

 

This was me this past week,

a pawn in some mysterious game 

to teach me to look

and listen better.

 

This is me now

standing tall

sprung back from the ground.

Still rooted.

Still strong.

Begin Again (7 Lines/7 Days #82)

 #108Weeks

December 5-11, 2021

 

 

I have not even thought about Christmas, and haven't even gotten my music out, let alone any decorations.

On Monday, feeling positive and strong.

On Tuesday, trying to recover from all the Monday irritations.

On Wednesday, trying to recover from a fight in my classroom.

On Thursday, I was feeling sad and edgy.

On Friday, I reflected on an unexpected conversation with my 3rd period.

On Saturday, I knew I had made it through and all is well in my world.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, who reminded me to just "begin again."

23. Salvation

 #66Challenge

Written December 10, 2021

Inspired by Lynn Ungar's poem "Salvation."

 

Do you believe me when I say

you are neither salvaged nor saved,

but salved, anointed by gentle hands

where you are most tender?

I actually was salved

yesterday

when I realized the obstacle

was the path.

 

When I really "got" that

what was happening

was the answer

 

When I witnessed another adult

say what I've been saying

and getting no result.

 

We are in whole new

territory here.

 

If we don't listen, we'll remain lost.

22. Power of Spirit

 Written during Write Around the Corner meeting 12/4/2021

The opening lines of "Eagle Poem" by Joy Harjo inspired this piece.

To pray you open your whole self

To sky, to earth, to sun, to moon

To one whole voice that is you

And know there is more

That you can't see, can't hear;

Can't know except in moments

Doesn't that just say it all?

How far I've come by opening myself up

Rather than closing myself off.

How perfectly ironic that

the day I saw the two eagles

was within the same day my journey --

this part of the journey--

began.

These two eagles were not circling in blue sky

or flying over a river.

There were calmly sitting on the roof next door,

looking around, for quite a while,

as I prepared some things in the kitchen.

Little did I know they were the 

harbingers of what was to come:

The Power of Spirit saying

look. listen. see.

21. Pregnant

 #66Challenge

 

I had a dream I was walking along, then I sat down. A doctor (female, Indian) approached me and told me I was pregnant.

I knew it was the truth.

And I was happy. Ageless.

Nothing else involved, and no one else.

All I can think now is that I'm pregnant with the possibility of birthing something new in my classroom, somehow pulling together to grow and learn and thrive.

I'm pregnant with ideas on how to let the kids do the productive struggle instead of me constantly struggling against them. Breathing into, rather than holding my breath.

It will be much like those midnight feedings and even colicky babies you have to drive around in the car to soothe and get quiet calm. In other words, it will be rocky for a while, I am sure.

I am slowly giving birth to what I already know...and what I don't.

This is a sacred time for me, and I need to keep my mind on

love

wisdom

caring

listening

lifting

and recognizing the 

moments of 

brilliance.

 

Productive Brilliance (7 Lines/7 Days #81)

 #108Weeks

November 28-December 4, 2021

Orchid Bee photo by Kara Vereen. 2021

I dreamt of crystals again -- this time they were buried in sand

This week was a new beginning

I'm doing well keeping loving attention

I started privately giving "orchid bee" recognition to learners showing "productive brilliance"

My bottom line: I am a reading teacher who will stick with what she believes no matter the horrible curriculum sent her way

I realized (from journal entries) that the day I saw the two eagles on the roof was the beginning of this part of my journey -- it was October 5th, the day of my first meltdown

Friday tried my patience, but my goals for the week were met, so I am happy

20. Be Relaxed. Be Ready.

 #66Challenge

 

Yesterday I decided it was time to walk a labyrinth, as I had some things on my mind that I thought a good meditative walk would resolve. 

Before I went, I pulled out my Labyrinth Journal, which I've been writing in after just about every labyrinth walk since December 2006. In it I found my last labyrinth walk on February 15, 2020.

The photo of the card below is from a deck I have called Perfect Calm cards. On the back of the card is a little piece of writing about Taking Responsibility. 

In a reflection I wrote, I said I felt the card was telling me to relax and keep calm even when things seem to be falling apart. This was just a few weeks after my husband had a mild stroke, and a few weeks before the world would be in a full-blown global pandemic. At the time I walked the labyrinth, Coronavirus was just a blip on my radar, so I know I wasn't writing about it.

I also wrote these words about the card:

The crossroads card brought to mind that I very well could be coming to a transition...Anything can change at any time. The message from the labyrinth is Be Relaxed. Be Ready.

 

Fast forward to the day I reflected on "Vienna," which I wrote about in the previous post. I know cultural anthropologist and mythologist Michael Meade talks a lot about genius, so I went to find a video about that, since Billy Joel had mentioned it. I came upon a video called "Run Toward the Roar," and I know I've heard the story before, and thought I'd check it out once more.

This is an ancient story about how the elders in Africa would teach the young warriors to hunt. They taught them that the old lions, the ones that were no longer able to run fast, would sit in the tall grasses. The younger lions would be across the way, in another area of grass. When the herds made their way toward the lions, the old lions would roar loudly -- causing the herd to run to where the more vital and able lions were waiting. They taught their young warriors to "Go toward the roar."

Fast forward to now. It is no secret the education system is in a huge crisis, and even I have been a victim of the dysfunction, a teacher looking to perhaps retire or to at least run away as fast as I can. It took a complete mental and physical breakdown (with time away) to find my direction.

Michael Meade says right now the culture as a whole is going through a collective rite of passage. I believe this applies directly to teachers, as well as many other issues we are facing. Here is the way he describes it:

A group of people begin to realize that the world as we imagine it, the worldview that we inherited, does not work anymore. It doesn't solve most people's problems, and in this case, it destroys the ecosystems and things like that, so it's a worldview that cannot, in the long run, be life-sustaining. And there's an old idea that humans come into the world when the life-support system of the womb collapses...Now we consider the way we view the world, the womb that we used to be in, the one we call the modern world or the western world, no longer works as a sustaining system for either culture or for nature. We need to exit from the womb and go towards what seems to be the roar, but it also is the direction where we might be able to imagine the next world that is more sustainable and inclusive....We are like the young people told by the elders to run to the roar.

What he is speaking of 100% applies to education. The "womb" has been deteriorating for a long time, and we did little to adjust. Now we are in a major crisis that HAS to be re-imagined by the collective. The things we are doing DO NOT WORK. Teachers are on the front line and are suffering from the lack of life-support. This is devastating for our entire culture.

The issue is that educators are bailing because it has gotten completely unsustainable for so many (and I know...I was there, and who knows, could end up there again.) The sad part is there is a lot of blame and talking about the problems, but not a lot of people talking about any real solutions. At least not that I've heard, and I've been paying attention!

So, back to February 15, 2020. Yes, I sensed there were changes, but not at all as we were confronted with. I recall the many difficulties and dark days during that spring, the separation from each other, and all the other devastating affects. We said then we'd have to do something different, that this was a signal to transition and re-vision education. Instead, we just have more of the same, this constant drumbeat to "return to normal," but now with a whole additional cache of unskilled behaviors, unbelievable stresses, and mental health issues among our young learners.

Guided by the many teachings that are coming my way, I know that my job is to go toward the roar. Sometimes I feel I am terribly alone in this endeavor, and I sometimes question my sanity. Yet...I know this is what I need to do. I feel my instructions from Spirit are clear.

This has been a good week to reflect on many of these things, and many more I haven't written here yet. Somehow I know I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. My mission has become even clearer as I've progressed through the many messages and spiritual encouragements coming my way. 

I suppose you can say that in late October I stood at the crossroads and was ready to just run off into the field...but now I have chosen my direction, and I'm committed. And the crossroads card taught me something else: Be Relaxed. Be Ready.

I know I have a mission to fulfill

19. Vienna Waits for Me

 #66Challenge

(Journal entry November 25, 2021)

"Vienna" by Billy Joel

I thought about this song the other day while driving and thought it would be good to revisit. 

 I recall the line that always struck me was:

 

You know that when the truth is told

you can get what you want or you can just get old

Here I am -- OLD--and coming face to face with the fact that I may not have fully gotten what I want.

 

In 2005, coming off my first year of teaching, taking grad school courses, an ESOL course, and a four-week National Writing Project Summer Intensive, I was stressed and stretched in a way like no other. So much so, I didn't even realize how stressed I was. For some reason during that time, I kept playing "Vienna," until eventually I ended up in the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack. When asked in the emergency room if I had been under stress, I said NO. Since I was finally a teacher and doing the things I had dreamed of doing, I could not even understand that I was under stress because, well, I wanted these things.

 

Slow down, you crazy child

 

I spent a couple days in the hospital, in a windowless room I likened to a cave. There I cried and slept, cried and slept. I had to let my misery in, admit that I had taken on a lot and had not even processed my first year of teaching, which was beyond crazy given the place I worked. It was an intense lesson, but one that stays with me.

 

***

 

The true meaning of "Vienna" had always eluded me a bit, so I was happy to find a video conversation with Billy Joel, made in 2020, where he explained what Vienna meant to him. Among the things on the video (which I will post at the end) he says going to Vienna for him was closing a circle.

Going to Vienna means to slow down, look around you, and have some gratitude for the good things in your life.

There's always talent, there's always virtuosity, there's always genius, and it's there and will occur in humankind, but it will take a place like Vienna to bring it out.

The question to myself:

How do I make my classroom--and my being --about Vienna?

Not about -- but AS VIENNA.

 

A place where we find our best selves.

 

A place where genius can emerge.

 

A light in the darkness. 

 

I can't do anything about the curriculum, but I can make my classroom a place of respite.

 

I can slow myself down and look for genius.

 

The Golden Heart of each learner.

 

A can heed that warning when I feel frustrated, disjointed, angry...warning signs I have lost touch with joy.

 

***

 

It then occurred to me that I have had times of Vienna in my classroom: and that was when I taught creative writing.

 

On Friday the 26th I made a list: 

 

As a Creative Writing Teacher I...

 

--let inspiration drive a lot of what I did

--engaged in conversation about text and how things were presented

--let the kids be right where they were--no pushing

--choice choice choice

--never put anyone on the spot

--I got to chill myself at the beginning of each class when we did 10 minutes of writing called Crash and Burn. It kept me in touch with what was happening inside of me before it got out of control.

--what we did in class was based on their interests

--made time for any silly thing they wanted to do for fun

--let them talk and write together

 

How can that translate into my reading class with a firm curriculum?

 

--sit them back in groups

--engage in more conversations

--meet them where they are each day

--choices whenever possible

--more music

--give them the first step...then the second

--center myself at the beginning of class--how am I REALLY feeling? If I am carrying any grievance or frustration, I know it will end up causing an issue. I've already seen this again and again as I've been trying to change things.

--take the temperature--do they work out the lesson in groups? or do I lead them?

--it doesn't always have to be the same

--focus on PRACTICE

Some of these things I'm doing, and some I'm not doing very well, and some...well...it's time.

Vienna waits for me.

 

 

 

 

 

18. Who Benefits?

 #66Challenge

 

(November 21, 2021)

 

As I work through life after my breakdown a few weeks ago, more and more things are coming my way that are confirming my direction. Some are things I've studied in the past, and some are new to me. All are inspiring me and giving me motivation.

With a week off school I was looking forward to just resting my mind. But with so much information coming my way, I've been processing, processing, processing. After several day so of this, I felt it was time to get it down in some kind of form as a way to track this journey which, after all, the #66Challenge is about.

Following will be a series of things that happened for me this week, this being the first entry.

On the first Sunday of my break, I returned to Alfie Kohn's book Beyond Discipline. It really hit home, mostly because I had a very difficult day on Friday, and I was still reeling from my part in it.

One of the things I've struggled with the most is that since the beginning of school I was using our discipline program with fidelity, but weeks later, absolutely nothing had changed. All it had done was cause a lot of grief, misery, and frustration -- both for me and my learners.

Kohn makes it clear that curriculum is intertwined with discipline. This from page 21:

How students act in class is so intertwined with curricular content that be may be folly even to talk about classroom management or discipline as a field unto itself. That is a subversive sentence: taken seriously, it has the potential to subvert the entire field.

He urges us to use two words when deciding anything: Who benefits? Be it the curriculum or some kind of action taken on a student because of misbehavior, who benefits from what is decided?

I had seen for myself that the discipline system isn't benefiting anyone, least of all me.  The time it takes to write and follow up these things, well, there are certainly better uses of my time.

Kohn points out that it is a false dichotomy of either punish or "let them get away with it." He says we will never move away from punitive tactics unless we dismiss the idea that it is either/or. 

As I read it I realized that I had naturally given up on the system in place, largely because I was trying to listen and BE with my learners more, to see thing through their eyes. The boring curriculum we are straddled with is one of the things I'm seeing and, sadly, there is little I can do about some of it. If Kohn is correct that curriculum and behavior are intertwined, then I am battling against a bigger problem than just whether I use PBIS or not.

At least that is my initial reaction. As the week wore on, I opened my mind to some new ideas. Just trying to think about a "replacement" for discipline, or how to make my lessons more enticing is only one small part. There is so much more, which I am slowly discovering.

Eyes

Let's not shame our eyes for seeing.

Instead, thank them for their bravery.

~~Joy Harjo~~

I have been brave in looking 

closely at my failings.

I have been brave in knowing

I need to change and I don't

care who knows it.

My eyes...my heart...my voice.

So much healing needed.

I have forgiven myself.

I now can only move forward.

My system was borrowed and flawed

and failed me deeply.

Now...I build the one right

for me.

The Path is Made Clear (7 Lines/7 Days #80)

 #108Weeks

November 21-27, 2021

This is the week I have finally come back to studying the text of A Course in Miracles, something I first studied 30 years ago. It is about time I got the message going in my life. I am grateful.

All the quotes (italics) are from the book.

 Each day should be devoted to miracles.

The choice to judge rather than to know is the cause of loss of peace.

You are not at peace because you're not fulfilling your function.

All things work together for good.

I can slow myself down and look for the genius.

I need to bring the creative writing teacher in me to the reading classroom. That is my truest self.

I walked the labyrinth asking how to love God with my whole heart, soul, and mind.

School of Love (7 Lines/7 Days #79)

 #108Weeks

November 14-20, 2021

 

 

A three hour lunch with a friend brought energy and renewed determination.

 

The world is nothing but a school of love.

 

My angel spirit has been direct--listen for guidance. Following those instructions diligently.

 

Remembering to roll with the waves of the ocean.

 

Begged my AP again for help with 9th period, and I finally got it. 

The paraprofessional arrived and received the full-blown experience since all students were present, 

complete with a spilled bottle of glitter. 

(I hate pep rally days.)

 

5th period surprised me when they chose Bill Withers' song "Just the Two of Us" as their team song.

 

Strong Back

Soft Front

Wild Heart

(Thank you Brene Brown)