Meeting in Punta Gorda: a nonet

 

Seeing each other after three years

Three not so easy years, but this

meeting again, time collapsed

There was joy and laughter

and plenty of tears

We have Common

Boundary

Deep ties

Love

Pic Collage 1982-84

I originally planned to do this series of posts last spring. After realizing I need to focus back to the happy times, and put aside the sad memories of this year, I decided to move forward on this idea.

The year 1993 was a life-changer for Jim and me. That June, a disc in his back blew out and he had to have surgery. This created a precarious situation. We had just built a new house two years prior, and we relied heavily on his income. He ended up on disability, and many things about our lives were forced to change.

This year reminded me a bit of 1993. I had to pull myself together in ways I never had to before. I had to live with underlying fear of where things were heading.

That Christmas we did not have the funds we typically had to spoil each other. I decided to go meaningful, and created a picture collage of photos I felt represented our years together to date. On the back I assigned a word that applied to each picture, and a little note on why.

Today I share the first three years. In subsequent posts I will share the rest.

CONFIDENCE

Jim took this photo of me standing on a large rock by Coe Lake which was behind my studio apartment. It was a beautiful autumn day in 1982, and I was feeling deeply confident about my life and direction. I note that confidence came from what Jim did for me when he came into my life. It’s amazing how we can get beaten down by others and not even know it until someone comes along and does the opposite.

HAPPINESS

This photo was taken by his sister Diane on my 28th birthday in 1983. Our first year together was full of all the happiness I could possibly imagine. We were making plans and setting a direction together. It was wonderful to have a partner like Jim. 

FUN

I have already written about the summer of 1984 on this blog on June 7. This was the first year of my life I felt good enough about myself and my body to wear a bikini! We had lots of weekend parties, and I learned to golf. I was succeeding at my job. It remains in my mind a very positive and exciting time.

Good * True * Beautiful

 Meditating on this quote today….

GOOD

…those who care for others

…those who help us see the way

…those who tell us of our gifts

TRUE

…where connections bolster, not break

…friendships and marriage

…where souls and spirit meet inside of us and between others

BEAUTIFUL

…our natural selves, the way we were created

…our compassion and love

…our genuine trust in the universe to provide all we need

We are never without

GOOD * TRUE * BEAUTIFUL

The Green Notebook

I’ve been revisiting a notebook I bought before attending and presenting at the ASCD conference in Orlando in June 2019. My teacher friends and I presented a workshop on found poetry, an experience that was one of the best in my professional career.

I’ve come to regard 2019 as a golden age of my teaching. At the time, I felt like I was getting a true grip on who I was as a teacher, and had clarity on how to best use classroom time to reach my learners in creative ways. I was teaching intensive readers using a curriculum developed by National Geographic, and I was teaching my own originally designed courses in creative writing and speech & debate. Everything had clicked into place.

In early 2020, I was having the absolute best semester of my life. I could feel the vibe in the classroom was positive, kids were learning and taking risks. We were alive with possibilities.

Then the shutdown came.

And nothing has been the same.

So much of what I documented as good teaching and learning in my green notebook was useless to me when we had to go online and everything became about reaching remote learners. And as kids returned, and the years went on, it was evident much had changed. Behaviors were different. Our schedule changed, and I lost the courses I had designed. I was given an intensive curriculum that was dead in the water, no matter how much I tried to breathe life into it (Read 180). I was also teaching a higher level research course out of Cambridge University, which I eventually could see was lacking in many ways.

By last year at this time, I was ready to flee. I made serious steps to leave my school. I didn’t, and along the way I was released from Read 180 and given a section of creative writing. The Cambridge course was no longer just for high end students, which caused a whole new learning curve for me. I still had intensive reading, but at least it had decent literature (Dickinson, Wordsworth, Dylan Thomas) and I felt I could be a bit more creative and get somewhere. On top of that, my husband received a devastating diagnosis in January, and my time to teach was reduced. I am lucky to have made it to the end of the year in one piece, frankly.

My final year beckons, and I have decided it is time to return to the golden age and make it real again. I’m finding my green notebook has a blueprint for some really great stuff, some I have used before, some I have not. I have some autonomy, and where I don’t I’m taking it anyway. I have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing it my way. 

I had wonderful conversations over the weekend with teacher friends, and I feel smart, strong, fearless, and resilient. Who knew when I purchased this notebook at Target five years ago (I actually remember choosing this one over others), that the words on the cover and the words inside would be coming alive in me today? 

In June 2019 none of us had any idea things could go so awry. Now that I know, I realize the importance of moving forward in ways that work. My learners deserve no less from me, and I will be prepared.

ADDENDUM

After I published this essay, a meme came up on my FB feed that went with it, and I had to add this here. It’s a good reminder to stay the course I’ve decided on, so a year from now I can be smiling and thankful I did what I knew had to be done.

Voice (acrostic)

Vessels of kindness and

Openings of joy and connection

I look for these each day

Caring for others needs priority

Every generous action uplifted

Our Changing Community

 I teach a subject called Global Perspectives to a collection of 7th and 8th graders. The course is designed by Cambridge University as part of their AICE program.

This year I am teaching the second middle school level, and have been a bit frustrated getting started. The first topic we were to dig into was "Changing Communities." The suggestions for how to approach the project (called "challenge" in AICE lingo) confounded me. I could not figure out how to make it relevant to my 12 and 13-year-olds. I didn't even know what change there was to research.  Every time I tried to figure it out, I fell into a deep hole of despair -- basically, getting nowhere.

Then Hurricane Ian happened. Talk about changing communities! 

Honestly, I didn't need something this extreme to hit me upside the head. But it has given much more meaning to the challenge before us.

We got a start Friday. I had the learners form small groups and start brainstorming all the changes they have already witnessed. I am piecing together where we will go from here. But for right now I found myself feeling like I can actually make something of this. And that is huge!

 

What I Almost Told Them

Yesterday when everyone was

relaying their hurricane stories,

I so wanted to tell them the

special parts, how Jim and I

would sit on the lanai all

evening, without the TV 

distraction, and listen to

music and talk and watch the

sunset colors on the eastern

clouds and suddenly realize

Jupiter is rising bright and the 

stars are appearing. The woodpecker

on the Sabal Palm that had stood

up to the wind, brave and 

unrelenting in its will to

hang on. The herons. The

turtles. Our connection to it all.

The Sabal Palm that stood up to Ian

37. Insurmountable

#66Challenge

On February 17, right at the end of my planning period, I spontaneously decided to make a trip to the office to check my mailbox and turn a couple things in.

I never do this, make a trip up there so close to class change. But I felt directed.

And that is when I saw a young science teacher, and in that moment I recalled a student telling me that she had been out of school because her students had done such mean things to her, she could not even show up.

I reached out. Talked with her (I don't really know here at all.) Told her of my own struggles this year, how I, too, had to remove myself for a while in order just to get my mind back in shape. It was good to connect, even for less than five minutes. What they had done to this teacher was beyond reprehensible.

She was waiting to speak to the principal about the situation. And since I understand a few things have been put into place to help her bridge this time.

But will she last? Will we lose another good teacher because of mean and feral young people? 

How the hell did we get to this point? Our culture has lost so much decency, it is beyond belief.

Most of all, what can we do? It feels insurmountable at times.