“There we were, where we are..”

 Journal Entry today

The only thing I wanted to listen to today was James Taylor's Hourglass album from 1997. As I listened, I journaled about what was arising in me.

By the second song the tears were flowing. The chorus of "Enough to Be On Your Way" hits me every time:

It's enough to be on your way

It's enough just to cover ground

It's enough to be moving on

Home--build it behind your eyes

Carry it in your heart

Safe among your own.

What I love about this song is that it seems to be about anything you need it to be. Something about it reaches deep inside me, even now, 27 years later. It was the summer I was waiting to have surgery for what they told me was ovarian cancer, and the whole world felt lit up and healing was within reach. Albums like this one and Sarah MacLachlan's Surfacing helped me through those July days. In fact, I even had Jim bring a CD player to the hospital so I could listen in my room. The power in the music was what I needed at that time, and has been with me ever since. I want to highlight a few of the songs here.

 

"Enough to Be On Your Way" has one of the best lyrics I have ever heard. The song is a narrative about a friend who went missing out west with some Buddhists. The story is both abstract and concrete. My favorite lines from the song come at the end:

He woke me up on a Sunday

An hour before the sun

It had me watchin' the headlights

Out on Highway Five, Nine, One

'Till I stepped into my trousers

'Till I pulled my big boots on

I walked out on the mesa

And I stumbled on this song

 

I just love the imagery of James walking out on the mesa at dawn and finding this song. It is beyond beautiful. Listen here:

I always feel that summer led me to the revelation in November that I wanted to become a teacher. It was like preparing the ground for me.

Likewise, I feel the same this summer -- the health situation with Jim and myself -- is leading me somewhere I cannot see. I sense the end of my career as a public school teacher even though in many ways I'd love to have one final year. It may or may not happen.

Another song that was a favorite is called "Another Day," with lyrics:

Another day

Another chance that we may finally find our way

The sun has begun to melt all our fears away

Another day

Overcoming fear is definitely a theme in this album, as I am just recognizing now. I can see why it was so relevant to me with the cancer scare hanging over me back then.

The song "Up from Your Life" acknowledges that we may often find it hard to get out of our own way. I distinctly remember a moment of my life with this song. It was in the fall when I was falling into depression, and had spent the early hours sunk in my own gloom. I finally pulled myself out of the house to go for a walk in the woods. I started the car and the cassette began to play:

So much for your moment of prayer,

God's not at home 

there is no there, there...

Though I hate to see you surrender,

you need to surrender,

we must find you a way to

Look up from your life

Up from your life

Look up from your life

I remember sitting in the garage laughing at myself for holding on to my own sadness instead of realizing what was available in the moment. I was way too caught up in myself! It was like James was poking fun at me. I heard the message loud and clear. 

 

And today it was the same. These are the words that tumbled out of me while I listened:

 

There is light

There is a way

Fear has no place

Expect the unexpected

 

Give a listen to this very special song.  Branford Marsalis on the sax is stunning!

So those were the songs from 1997 that had me in their grip. So why did I need to listen today?

To discover this one: "Up Er Mei." This is another one that has a lot of abstraction, and today that spoke fully to me. I will need to spend more time with these lyrics to see what they hold for me, so I am adding it to my Emerge Playlist for 2024. By the way, Mount Er Mei is a mountain in China and is the location of a Buddhist temple build in 1st century CE. (Link below) I never even bothered to look this up until today.

Anyway, back to the lyrics: 

We were walking in paradise, never did tumble.

Blind in the Buddha land, looking for trouble

We had been told of a place far beyond this vale of tears

We could never have guessed, we were already blessed

There we were, where we are,

in the garden

in the garden.

 

Seems like words to hang onto! I'll keep you posted if I discover anything new.

 

Listen to lyric video below: 

Mount Er Mei