Healing Power of Chris Cornell

 In my previous post, I spoke of feeling like a boxer getting knocked out. At the time of the writing I was feeling very raw and bruised, and it was important to express that clearly.

But I also knew my responsibility was to caring for myself, making sure I recovered properly from the week. It wasn't like I hadn't tried during the week. Two days in a row I had relaxing music playing all day in my classroom with videos of dolphins and manatee and whales. I knew music could help me, and in many ways it did.

On Saturday morning Jim and I were driving to what we call our jam session with a music teacher, and we heard the Grateful Dead's "Ripple" on the radio. We decided to play that, and our session was a lot of fun. I felt some of the anxiety lifting after playing and singing "Ripple" several times through: it's tune happy and words esoteric.

Still, I wasn't quite right. 

***

In the past, I've had my friends tell me about Chris Cornell. I didn't follow him when he was alive, but last weekend I found a live album on Amazon Prime music and had listened to it, finding I deeply loved it. There is something about his voice, his story, his song narratives I find appealing.

And on Saturday I knew I needed Chris Cornell. In the past I would have looked for something smooth, music that would soothe me.

But I needed more than soothing.  I needed purging.

I've been thinking about how I felt about some of the stuff that happened this week in my 5th period class. How a student screamed at me that "this is shit" and "you are shit" just because I asked the class to read a slide and answer a question.  I didn't even care if they actually did it -- I was just trying to maintain some structure on a screwed-up day. 

On Friday the toxins were flying between students, worse than I'd heard all year. I couldn't avoid it because we were in the middle of a class discussion, and they were out of control. There was simply no time between classes to gather myself, to clear the negative energy. It is poisonous to me, and I know it.

I think that is why I needed Chris Cornell. I put on headphones and listened, falling asleep and getting some much needed rest, and waking up again to his voice (it's a wonderfully long album!)

Thank you friends who suggested Chris to me. I don't think I'd be as recovered as I feel if it wasn't for that music. I'm glad to know he is there now when I need him -- although I hope next time I get to listen to him because I want to, not because I need to.