Stabilizing

Journal entry 8.27.24

Yesterday while I was waiting for Gina Wells to pick me up for my doctor appointment, I saw a huge eagle fly over our lake. It was followed by a smaller, younger one.

I consider eagle sightings auspicious, so was encouraged by this sign.

[for the readers: Gina is the wife of the guy who is subbing my classes while I’m out. I had never met her before. This is how strong my CLMS support network is. I am grateful.]

When I got in the car, meeting Gina for the first time, I told her of the eagle sighting. I told her in Native American mythology, it represented Spirit, and I felt it was telling me Spirit is with me.

While in my doctor appointment, Gina looked up online. When I came out, she read me this:

Find stability in yourself.

When I looked it up today, I found some additional words that can be stabilizing. 

STRENGTH. POWER. WISDOM. FREEDOM. DIVINE PROTECTION. SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE.

I’m feeling the strength to do what I need to do.

I will keep the power on my side —enough hopelessness and flying around at the whims of things.

I’m wise enough to know what’s happening here.

The only freedom I will feel is if I don’t get caught in anxiety about imagined future events.

Stabilizing is to feel the strength, power, wisdom and freedom of this important moment.

Each important moment.

ADDENDUM: I went to the hospital early today and met with the palliative care manager.

Jim signed a DNR.

Hospice care has been discussed, but his pulmonologist said to wait and see how he does the next couple of days.

Here is the moment.