Apricity

This is the post I was going to write the other day, but I didn’t.

Then today I needed it.

I’ve been reading an essay a day out of Anne Lamotta’s new book Somehow. In the essay with the same title she talked about “apricity” which is the warmth of the sun in the winter. Growing up in Ohio, I know what a lovely feeling that is.

Today I felt out of sorts. I was sleepless for a couple hours again last night, after a few nights of solid sleep. I can feel the difference. I’ve let myself get annoyed by minor things again. I couldn’t seem to get myself right. And I was feeling additional irritation at trying to figure out what I should write here.

I read Nikita Gill’s poem “Becoming” in which she says:

This woman that you are today,

You became her by breaking

Over and over and over again.

I contemplated that for a bit. I wondered if somehow I was breaking. I couldn’t find an answer to that.

Then I remembered what I was going to write about the other day. I revisited my notes, and I found Anne’s advice for what to do when you’re feeling down:

Make a list of gratitudes

Do chores

Be kind to yourself

Be of service

Get outside

Breathe

I immediately made the list. And, no surprise, I felt lighter. The underlying agitation was chased  away.

Anne calls this the “launch code when under attack” and I think I need it more than I know. It shortens to these words:

Gratitude * Chores * Chocolate * Service * Nature * Breathe

APRICITY!