Journal Entry Sunday, November 29, 2020

 I don't often post things I've written in my journal, but today it feels just right.

Here's what has happened this week:

I 100% found myself again.

I think that's why I'm actually looking forward to heading back to the classroom. My energy is restored.

And funny thing -- in the book I'm reading set in 1970, the Kent State Shooting just happened. And I was reflecting on how things quieted down after that -- after years of increasing turmoil in our country. And we are kind of in the same place today. Since the election -- even with the DT insanity -- things have really calmed down. I look at Joe Biden and his dedication to our country, to all our people, and I feel a renewed purpose in what I do. I've got to say, I don't think I've ever felt this inspired by a president. (I was a little young for the Kennedy era.)

I look to the future and, despite what is happening with COVID, I see so much hope that we will be rising up together to create a new world out of the ashes of 2020.

 

Michael Meade has said it for years -- the world has to be turned upside down in order to create a new one. There is no other way. We have lived in the "liminal" time* for a while now -- it felt so painful at times -- but now I think we can see the light. Yes, it's connected to a vaccine, I know this, and I'm fine with it.

I have learned so much through this time. Some of it I would never have learned otherwise.

As I've written about previously, I'm in Act Three. Things got pretty stressful for a while, but I'm learning to trust myself again. Doubt can be debilitating. I've moved beyond that time now and I've got it balanced and working for the benefit of all. Gotta admit -- it feels great!

MAGNIFY THE GOOD

What I focus on expands.

*The word liminal comes from the Latin word 'limen', meaning threshold - any point or place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the 'what was' and the 'next.' It is a place of transition, a season of waiting, and not knowing.

Chill Week (7 Lines/ 7 Days #28)

 #108Weeks

 

November 22 - 28, 2020

 

 

Yesterday I spontaneously set up a Music Polls page.  Lots of fun so far.

 

I am feeling a lot of creativity in my personal writing and stuff for school, 

and I think I need to allow it.  Just dig in!

Even though I'm not doing...doing...doing, I'm sure enjoying this week.

Had a fun day yesterday: art exhibit, lunch on a veranda, & gelato all with a good friend.

 

Biden gave a beautiful Thanksgiving address. He is the right man for the moment. 

Every time I see him I love him more and more. 

I've kicked into a good place.  I will be ready for the next 3 weeks.

Today I return to mandolin playing after over two years!

The Frilled Lizard Ramble

 Got to thinking about some things today...

It began when I started to think about a photo I saw from Thanksgiving. It was a family I know who live out west (have never met personally, Jim's relatives), and noted conservatives and Trump supporters. They were gathered at two tables with several other people and the caption read "Faith instead of Fear"

So I started thinking...was this ever about fear?

That led me to what I witnessed in the run-up to the holiday. Many people felt pressured by family members to continue Thanksgiving like they always had, and it was causing many relationship issues. Many of the reasons given, of course, had to do with not living in fear.

My next thought -- perhaps it is just kindness instead of selfishness? After all, the COVID situation is clearly spinning out of control.  Is keeping life in some kind of "control" better than making sure you are part of the solution, not the problem?

*

I once knew a woman who was 75-years-old and for decades had celebrated Christmas the exact same way. Then there was a year where her husband insisted they travel to Washington state for a family holiday gathering. The woman was completely freaked out about not having her regular Christmas. She was not coping with it well at all.

It was really sad to see her in such a state. I gave up "tradition" in 1979 when I went with a friend to New Orleans on Thanksgiving and had shrimp for dinner!  I've never needed snow on Christmas, turkey on Thanksgiving (we had prime rib last night), and I have always been willing to mix things up. But knowing what I know, I get that many people can't cope with that kind of change.

I thought about how people were lashing out at relatives who desired to heed the warnings and remain safe. It occurred to me that those were the one who were really afraid - terrified of what life has thrown at us this year, so much so they are willing to say or do anything to form the world in the only way they think it works.

My 6th grade students read a science article about animal defenses, and one was the Frilled Lizard. When this guy sees an enemy, he tries running up the tree. When that doesn't help, he puffs up his neck and hisses to scare away the enemy. 

I think many people are like the lizard -- when they can't get their way, they start insulting and mocking the person they claim they can't celebrate without. I don't even get how that would make a happy holiday -- berating and shaming someone into joining you?

Where is the love?

Who is really afraid here? 

Then I got to thinking about two times this year I was most afraid: the day my husband had his stroke, and the thought of the president winning the election. 

Thanksgiving was small potatoes in relation. Seriously! 

I think that by wearing a mask and limiting my exposure, it is good for everyone. It distresses me at times that others don't think beyond themselves.

Why have so many forgotten our interdependence? The common good? 

Or were they never aware of it to begin with?

I'm glad that most of the people I know personally had a wise and wonderful holiday, not taking chances, and remembering that Thanksgiving is never all about them. 

It's always about larger love and caring and respecting the wishes of others. No hissing necessary!

Tuesday Morning

 

 

 I'm finding the adventure of me

as I traverse this week of

freedom from the ordinary.

 

I've entered a space, a sanctuary

of thought and creativity

and how to make best

use of my time but still feel

a freedom to move.

 

I rest my aching body and I write

and read and open myself

up to the messages I need to hear,

ideas and streams of

goodness and appreciation.

 

I talk with friends and watch movies

with my husband and plan

and play and enjoy these days.

Progress (7 Lines/7 Days #27)

 #108Weeks

November 15-21, 2020

 

 COVID is rising again as we knew it would, and extra caution is needed. With that in mind, Jim and I decided to forego having dinner out for Thanksgiving.

Saw a meme yesterday: You're not stuck at home. You're safe at home.

Gratitude boomerangs back -- I got a sweet appreciative email from one of my Assistant Principals.

I'm feeling pretty easygoing at work.

It's a Thanksgiving miracle -- we got to where we usually are by this time of year, 

and it makes my heart happy.

I need to believe our democracy will hold even as corruption seeps through.

I came home Friday and collapsed. Thank God for a break!

All Is Not Lost

 This is the first time I've felt inspired to write in my blog in a very long time.

The school year has been strange in so many ways. Usually by this time the classes are in a groove and doing well. And that has happened -- not exactly in the ways I'm used to, but I'm seeing it.

It is Spirit Week at our school, and yesterday was Red, White, and Blue day. So when I saw this picture from Pexels, I felt it represented what occurred on Wednesday.

3rd period was its usual quiet self. It is my largest in-person class, mostly girls, and is always super quiet.

5th period is my toughest class -- mostly boys, and lots of off-task behavior.  But yesterday was a bit different.  They had an assignment to do (which usually barely gets done), but they were working. And helping each other. And suddenly it was 15 minutes before lunch, and they were ALL DONE (except for one kid who was admitting he was just being lazy.)

So I let them go out into the courtyard on this beautiful November day and play. I have a stuffed fish (Nemo) they used as a football. They had the time of their lives.  It was so fun to hear them playing, to see them being kids and not staring at a computer. It did my heart good.

7th period came, and they got the job done. Then 9th was buzzing along until the last 15 minutes -- fire drill!

We came back in just in time to clean the desks and leave for 11th period. But the internet had gone down!  I couldn't get a Zoom session opened for my online kids. Admin came on the PA and it sounded like they didn't know when it would come back up, so I had to scramble for something for my kids to do that was not computer-related. Lo and behold, I was already set up for a back-up activity on Friday, with card-making supplies ready for them to write Thank You notes to people in their lives.  The kids had a blast making the cards, getting creative, piling notes on my desk, and eventually going outside to play tag. I didn't have to deal with online kids. I sat and relished what we had -- a chance to have school like "the old days" -- making things by hand, playing together, and not staring at a computer screen. I didn't have to worry that the online kids weren't getting the same experience because, well, there was no connection.

I was exhausted by the time I got home, for it had been a real roller coaster ride. But I realized all has not been lost. The kids are finding ways to be successful, to support each other, to be kids and have fun. It reminded me again of all the reasons I am a teacher -- to experience joy and learning and spontaneity. 

As tiring as it was in the end, my heart still feels full and happy.

Pray Like You Mean It (7 Lines/ 7 Days #26)

 #108Weeks

November 8 - 14, 2020

 

 

Today the world feels wonderfully different. Everything is lighter, 

not the foreboding feeling I've had for years.

Surprise home from school day. Storm has been raging all night.

Read one of my favorite Regina Brett essays: "Pray Like You Mean It."

It brought so much clarity.

This election stuff is scary and unproductive and putting us all at risk.

It is such a strange week!

Prayed for our country to make a positive step forward today. 

We need a calm transition.

Results are final: 306-232

Calmer and Better (7 Lines/7 Days #25)

 #108Weeks

 

November 1-7, 2020

 

Caught up with friends Annmarie and Laurie at Skillets

I was starting to feel down, then Kara called and now I feel better.

The way I taught yesterday felt more like me. I need more of that.

OMG. It's 58 degrees outside. Wow.

Thank you, Joe for giving a beautiful speech uniting and supporting his vision for us.

Things still slow on election results, but GA and PA looking good.

Everything already feels calmer and better.

 

(A few hours later, everything changed!)