Sunday, June 27, 2021

Walking a Memory

 It was still dark that December morning when I ran this trail, alone in my disbelief and grief. At 6 a.m. in 1980, my husband at his night shift job at the steel mill, I was a solitary figure on a new bike trail that ran along the soon to open I-480 in North Olmsted, Ohio.





This morning I relived that memory of the morning I heard John Lennon had been killed. I recall running on that mild morning, tears welling up time after time. My desire to be a runner was hard fought, and I have never really become one. I gave up on it long ago. And one thing I know—after that morning, I don’t think I was ever on this trail again until today. 

When I heard our hotel was close to Great Northern mall, I couldn’t stop thinking about walking the trail. The area is extremely built up now, not the many fields with a highway cutting through. I was surprised by the number of houses, as I would have told you this bike path was totally remote. I was amused by the barn on one property, so reminiscent of the farm community North Olmsted once was, and the high rise looming up behind it. 




Much like that day in December over 40 years ago, I was alone on the trail except for one woman with her dog way ahead of me. The maintenance isn’t great, and I know there are better trails in the area for people to frequent. 

Returning here today helped me breathe easier somehow.  I can’t help but think again how grief layers into us. The fact that I had no one to talk with about this for a few hours means I had to handle it alone. I can see now why this has always stuck with me.

Delighted by the wildflowers, and happy that I got a 2 mile walk in, I returned to my hotel, my heart at peace and a lingering memory resolved. 




Sunday, June 20, 2021

Looking Forward (7 Lines/ 7 Days #57)

 #108Weeks

 

June 13-19, 2021

 


 Going to the movie theater again was pure delight -- as was In the Heights.

The last day with 5th period wore me down to my last nerve -- and yes, I had to write a referral!

Grades were done by 11:00 a.m. Monday. YAY.

The Zoom session with author Roland Smith reminded me of how much I'm not writing.

Looking forward to getting back to some basics next school year.

Found things in my classroom closet I've been looking for -- so happy! Organized now for next year.

It's time to clean up around here and get ready for my trip to Ohio.

Saturday, June 12, 2021

The Return (7 Lines/ 7 Days #56)

 #108Weeks

 

June 6-12, 2021 


Thinking a lot about next school year

I'm hearing from previous students who are graduating this year. Does my teacher heart good to know they have remembered

Classroom AC on the fritz again!

The Cambridge training hooked me back into the teacher I used to be and the one I long to be again

I made some good connections and there is a lot of meaningful support

The kids enjoyed the annual snowball battles we had

Today I'm going to the movie theater to see In the Heights--first time at the theater since December 2019


Saturday, June 5, 2021

Good Vibrations (7 Lines / 7 Days #55)

 #108Weeks

 

May 30 - June 5, 2021

 


 A day of self-care helped me recovery pretty quickly.

We're going to Nashville in July!

Getting back to the yoga studio was wonderful.

I'm starting to shift into summer mode.

Big surprise yesterday -- I've been chosen (one of two) to attend training to teach 
Cambridge Global Studies to 8th graders next year. I'm thrilled!
 
I'll also be teaching Read 180 to intensive 7th and 8th graders. 
The plan for the class is already posted which is helpful.

Friday was so good I actually forgot it was Friday until the end of the day!

Sunday, May 30, 2021

Healing Power of Chris Cornell

 In my previous post, I spoke of feeling like a boxer getting knocked out. At the time of the writing I was feeling very raw and bruised, and it was important to express that clearly.

But I also knew my responsibility was to caring for myself, making sure I recovered properly from the week. It wasn't like I hadn't tried during the week. Two days in a row I had relaxing music playing all day in my classroom with videos of dolphins and manatee and whales. I knew music could help me, and in many ways it did.

On Saturday morning Jim and I were driving to what we call our jam session with a music teacher, and we heard the Grateful Dead's "Ripple" on the radio. We decided to play that, and our session was a lot of fun. I felt some of the anxiety lifting after playing and singing "Ripple" several times through: it's tune happy and words esoteric.

Still, I wasn't quite right. 

***

In the past, I've had my friends tell me about Chris Cornell. I didn't follow him when he was alive, but last weekend I found a live album on Amazon Prime music and had listened to it, finding I deeply loved it. There is something about his voice, his story, his song narratives I find appealing.

And on Saturday I knew I needed Chris Cornell. In the past I would have looked for something smooth, music that would soothe me.

But I needed more than soothing.  I needed purging.

I've been thinking about how I felt about some of the stuff that happened this week in my 5th period class. How a student screamed at me that "this is shit" and "you are shit" just because I asked the class to read a slide and answer a question.  I didn't even care if they actually did it -- I was just trying to maintain some structure on a screwed-up day. 

On Friday the toxins were flying between students, worse than I'd heard all year. I couldn't avoid it because we were in the middle of a class discussion, and they were out of control. There was simply no time between classes to gather myself, to clear the negative energy. It is poisonous to me, and I know it.

I think that is why I needed Chris Cornell. I put on headphones and listened, falling asleep and getting some much needed rest, and waking up again to his voice (it's a wonderfully long album!)

Thank you friends who suggested Chris to me. I don't think I'd be as recovered as I feel if it wasn't for that music. I'm glad to know he is there now when I need him -- although I hope next time I get to listen to him because I want to, not because I need to.


Saturday, May 29, 2021

TKO (7 Lines/ 7 Days #54)

 #108Weeks

 

May 23-29, 2021

 

Important notes about this post: This week I added a bit of a theme and stuck with it. After all I went through I feel like I should have a terrycloth robe with my name embroidered on the back. It was tough, and I'm not sure the next 13 days with kids will be any better. It's exhausting for everyone to have a year like this. This post marks my halfway point with with this project. I am grateful to be keeping this documentation of events, even the painful ones.

 


 

On Sunday I had a nice walk with Amy at Lakes Park, then to Fancy's for Chicken and Waffles. YUM.

In order to survive, I'm teaching a novel to 5th period called The Contender, about a 16-year-old high school drop-out training to be a boxer. Most kids are really into it. It's a perfect story for these guys.

Tuesday was a chill day. The calm before the storm.

JAB--I have to sit in another teacher's classroom with 6th graders for hours while the 7th and 8th graders test. Returning to my room, I spilled a large mug of water, nearly wiping out my cellphone.  Also lost a pair of good reading glasses in transit. Then rushed through 17-minute period (6 classes) the rest of the day. In that short time I managed to write 2 referrals in 5th period.

CROSS--Walking quickly at school I turn a corner and my right foot slides and go down on my left knee, shocking me. No indication the floor had just been mopped. I was traumatized for several hours, but appear to be okay. Falling at any age is tough. At 65, it is scary as hell.

HOOK--Had to write two more referrals* during 5th period. One girl was screaming at a boy during a class discussion. Is there no end to this madness?

UPPERCUT --Anxiety has built up in my chest. Even after getting a massage, I didn't sleep well and had a frustrating dream. Thank God for a 3-day-weekend. I need to recover, because I'm back in the ring on Tuesday.



*I have only written 3 other referrals all year.  This week I wrote FOUR.


Saturday, May 22, 2021

Incremental Changes (7 Lines/7 Days #53)

 #108Weeks

 

May 16-22, 2021

 

New favorite words-to-live-by from Walt Whitman:
Be curious
Not judgmental
 
Working A/C has made all the difference in my classroom
 
Had a wonderful meal at The Standard with friends. First place I've been with no masks
 
 By Thursday I hit a breaking point with crazy test schedules
 
Still 18 days left with students -- too long
 
Ricky graduates high school today. I get to watch it live.
 
Reading short stories by Isabel Allende made my week beautiful
 
 
 



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