Gratitude for Journals

In cleaning up my classroom, I dug several journals out of my large drawer where I keep my purse. I brought two of them home to read.

The first one I read was from the 2021-22 school year, and it was a horror story. That was the year I started teaching Read 180 and the kids were a mess. Daily I felt abused by their constant use of the F word and their attempts to gaslight and insult me. I came close to quitting. It was horrible.

There were some hopeful things as the year went on, but when I was done reading I knew I didn't want this around me anymore. I tossed that toxin in the trash.

Then I found this notebook that Annmarie had given me. I used it as a gratitude journal starting with the 2017-18 school year.

 

After reading the other journal, this one was pure delight. I kept up with it pretty well throughout the school year, and it continues into 2018-19 and then picks up in January 2021 until the end of that school year.

I have ways of remembering these years, and this book confirmed much of what I recall. I was teaching things I believed in, including creative writing and speech & debate. I was reaching the kids with great activities, and I was keeping myself balanced in many ways. I had some successes that were noted, and I was working with my teacher friends to present at ASCD in the summer of 2019. I had a decent planning period I often was grateful for, as it allowed me to really dig in and create great lessons.

The 2021 part was a bit different, as that was the year I was hybrid teaching. I was experimenting with the Modern Classrooms method -- so different than anything I’d done in previous years -- and discovering the ups and downs with it. I didn't care for how that year sidetracked things, but at the same time, it was a tremendous learning experience.

I couldn't help comparing to this last school year, where my planning was reduced and not at the best time of day for me, and many of my plannings were spent covering other classes. I have already trained myself to NOT count of my planning. How sad is that?

Even worse, this coming year I will have another teacher in my room during planning. I will no longer have that time as a sanctuary from kids and noise. I am trying so hard not to fret about that, but I still am. Going to another room is not the answer.

I know I have to think differently about this and not make predetermination. But what I do know -- and this gratitude journal confirmed -- is that there are things that feed me as a teacher, and little by little they have been chipped away. I want to be able to see this as adventure, to tell myself a new story, to allow myself to piece it together. All I can do is promise myself to do my best.

But I am also aware, like I found with the first journal I read, that some things are just poison and may have a negative affect. I am keeping my options open. Stay tuned.