Fierce

Two influences today for this essay: Rumi's poem "Fierce Courtesy" and Day 340 in Marianne Williamson's book A Year of Miracles: "For Reflection: On Finding Your Calling."

FIERCE! A word I need now.

To EMERGE (my word this year) takes a certain amount of FIERCENESS. Yes, I've been working on gentleness and finding joy and remembering to love. But some fierceness is required as well.

The balance is tough -- it's a constant guessing game, like a roulette wheel of chance ever changing around me. Will my approach be the right one? Will I make the right choice? Will I feel like I won or lost?

I've learned I cannot rely on anything except my own focus and fierceness to get any job done.

This past week was tough. The kids were loud and crazy and we were all struggling with them. Too much time away from school, I suppose. This week at least we can get back into a more regular routine, which we all need.

Because truthfully, I was a bit off my game as well. I put off planning things that needed to be done, causing me unnecessary stress.

AND I KNOW BETTER.

So today, despite being Sunday, I'm putting some plans in place, and I will not be sorry.

I know what I need to do will present itself, and I know that will be a win for us all. As Marianne Williamson wrote:

Your highest function is simply to be the person you are capable of being, and from that effort -- the development of your kindness and positivity, your vulnerability and availability to life, your calling will emerge.

It is not a gamble, now that I think about it. It is purposeful choice. It is fiercely living what I am called to do. And as I so often say to myself: Just remember to do the next right thing!