Questions About Carrots

(inspired by Billy Collins’ “Questions About Angels” but way sillier)

Of all the questions you might

ask about carrots, the question

“What’s up, Doc” seems most

appropriate and universal.

After all, isn’t Bugs Bunny the

Number One Carrot-Eater we

know, besides maybe the

Easter Bunny, who comes in

many guises and yes, usually

with a carrot in tow. But that's

just in the spring.

Do carrots know they are being

eaten? Do they miss their

greenery when it is shorn off

to be more acceptable to your

average suburban shopper?

Do they know that there are “baby”

versions of themselves, carrots never

allowed to grow up? Do they realize they

don’t just come in orange now, but in black, red,

white, purple, and yellow, with questionable

Vitamin K and beta-carotene, I would guess.

Isn’t that what the orange is for? And why purple?

What are the sleeping habits of carrots?

Do they love being snuggled deep in the earth,

moist and cozy, pulling down the sunlight from

their exposed greenery? What goes on with

these root veggies underground? Are there parties?

Lessons? Do they aspire to being chosen by a

rich actress or pro football player to be brought

back to a subzero fridge until the day of their

demise? Or do they simply hope to feed a child?

No, it seems none of these questions are asked

or answered. Instead, we have Bugs asking, “What’s up, Doc?”

as he crunches and munches, putting in his time for

a carrot-a-day, a worthy payment for a trickster rabbit,

one who never reveals how he comes into possession

of his precious orange treasures. And what of us? Dipping

 those baby carrots into ranch dressing at cocktail parties,

never thinking twice about the questions we could ask,

too accepting of the mangled carrot lineage, just accepting

that a carrot a day could keep the doctor away, and that’s what’s up.