The New Moon of Peace

I pride myself on being a peaceful person. I actively work to keep myself that way: meditation, yoga, reading, writing, walking, time in nature, regular massages, a gratitude journal, playing music, time with friends and family, and more. I have learned over time that peace can be shattered fairly quickly, and my goal is always to be aware of this and do what I can to remain calm.

But this week, the entire think broke apart like a treehouse in a hurricane.  I not only lost my peace, I felt surrounded by violence and anxiety and helplessness.

For once, I didn't just brush it away.  I've made myself sit with it.  I had to tolerate things out of my control, which caused immense discomfort and took me into a chaotic place.  All these feelings were confusing and upsetting.

Today I read a David Whyte poem called "Faith."  It was unusual for a Whyte poem, in that he spoke of not having faith.  He ends the poem this way:

Let this then, my small poem
     like a new moon, slender and barely open,
           be the first prayer that opens me to faith.

I have entered into a four day weekend I have looked forward to for weeks.  I have some very peaceful plans: gentle yoga class and a morning at the beach and an afternoon visit to an art exhibit  I saw this as a creative and relaxing time.

But today I knew that my anxiety and lack of peace needed to be addressed first.  When I went to see my acupuncturist, I asked her to help me with this intense stress.  After about a half hour in the chair, I felt the grace of peace come over me.  It isn't a cure-all, but it was a start.

Then I decided to stop at Lakes Park, just to spend some time in nature.  The park was busy by this time with people setting up birthday parties, riding bikes, playing in the water park.  I found a small piece of limestone to sit on by the lake, and just took it in.

This dragonfly arrived when I did, and stayed for the duration:

Then I noticed a Great Blue Heron in the tall grasses, stretching his neck higher and higher to clean the bugs out of his feathered neck:

Right after this picture, I noticed two turtles sunning themselves nearby:

There were also two turtles swimming around in the water, poking their heads up.

A Loggerhead Shrike flew in its erratic up and down pattern above me.  Too fast for a photo.

As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed Little Blue Heron had arrived.  Can you see him?

I wasn't there long -- maybe ten minutes tops.  But I felt like maybe I was on my way back to peace.

I know life comes in spirals, and I suppose in a way this felt like I dropped down.  In reality, I have just met the next difficult part of the spiral.

On the way back, I heard George Harrison singing "Blow Away" on the radio, and though, hmmm, maybe there is a message.

All I got to do is to, to love you
All I got to be is, be happy

I had to remember that when my peace was shattered by an idiot attempting to make a left turn where there are a thousand signs saying NO LEFT TURN. It's a dangerous intersection.  Asshole.

But....BREATHE....

Let it blow away, blow away, blow away....

Turning into my neighborhood, I remembered the David Whyte poem from a few hours earlier.  I know my quest to get back to some semblance of peace will probably take a while.  I have the time and will make the effort. And I realized he did have a message for me.  I decided to write this blog as a first prayer to what I know I need most:

Let this then, my small blog
     like a new moon, slender and barely open,
           be the first prayer that opens me to PEACE.