You and Me

 

When Jim and I met, we were like two wildflowers.

Neither one of us was exactly where we wanted to be in life. We just knew we weren’t planted in the right spots.

In one of our early meetings right before we parted, Jim went to his car and pulled out a cassette tape that was called Neil Diamond’s Love Songs. He gave it to me.

I listened to that thing nearly nonstop.

It had some of my favorite songs on it: Joni Mitchell’s “Chelsea Morning.”  Leonard Cohen’s “Suzanne.” Randy Newman’s “I Think It’s Going to Rain Today.”

And the song by Neil Diamond called “Stones.”

Yesterday I moved Jim to hospice care.

Today I went onto Apple Music looking for the Love Songs album. What I discovered is it’s really just the Stones album, perhaps with the songs in a slightly different order.

So I listened to Stones wondering if it would make me fall apart.

But it was the exact opposite.

It took me back to the beginning of our relationship when I felt that he was seeing things in me that no one else had ever seen. It took me back to that time when I started to gain a lot of strength in who I was and into understanding what my life could be. It’s amazing when this happens. I don’t know if it happens with everybody this way, but it sure was a great thing for me. 

I’d listen to that tape he gave me and I think, even if this doesn’t last, even if this relationship ends, I am now somebody new and I am going to be fine no matter what happens.

(Honestly, I felt the relationship would last, but I was ready either way.)

At 26 years old, this was quite a revelation for me

Now I’m 69 years old. And I know that I was right about my relationship with Jim from day one.

I’m about to retire from a career I would’ve never had without him.

I am about to embark on a new life without him here physically. 

He will always be with me in my heart and soul.

We’ve had a great life together.

We planted and we harvested.

We were wild flowers who grew together, supported each other, and never wavered in our love.

When he leaves this physical plane, I know once again I will be fine.

The depth of what occurred over these past 40+ years will carry me forward into an unknown future.

Once again, because of Jim, I’m ready.

Jim and I  Fall 1982

I loved this video for the song because it reflects what I’ve written here.