18. The Really Real

#64Challenge

Inspired by Gary Snyder's poem "The Really Real"


This week began with my vow to be a
kinder, gentler, calmer, more loving teacher
yet I found myself at the end frazzled and
anxious, once again feeling like I have failed
myself in my attempt to be a different person.

I read Gary Snyder's poem this morning about
driving up a highway and all the commercial sites
and how it took getting off the beaten path to
witness the beauty of nature across a field, what
he called the "really real" unlike the highway and
the restaurants and urban life.

The really real is remembering to help a student
know the purpose of the assignment, when she
approaches and wants to know what her grade will
be if she doesn't do this particular assignment, and
we talk through it, how it isn't about the grade, it's
about what we are learning. She soon realizes her
frustration is because what she wrote didn't make
sense and so I asked her, What did you learn? and
it takes her a bit of time but then realizes, hey, what
I write needs to make sense to me or it won't make
sense to my reader. She goes back and by the end
of class is smiling broadly. No zeroes for her!

The really real is having to tell my AP that there is
bullying going on in one of my classes, and praying
he might be able to get through the bully, for I've
had no success.

Then there is a boy I will call Gary in my 2nd period
Speech and Debate class, a boy that keeps showing up
in my elective classes, witty and gifted, but often an
instigator. Yesterday I had to pull the big guns on him,
something I'm not sure I've ever had to do since we
started the PBIS system in our school. I wrote him once
for disruption, he went and got his lunch detention, and
returned to continue to disrupt. I warned him the next
step is a referral, yet he continued. So, yeah, I wrote
him a second time and booted him out of class. Perhaps
the class was a bit shocked, we were studying famous
speeches and I thought they weren't really into it,
weren't really paying attention, yet their papers
revealed they were, indeed, applying the lessons they
were to learn about pacing and reason and pathos. 
The really real, when the learning occurs even when
a teacher is constantly sidetracked by craziness and noise,
and is convinced everything is a failure. So, I guess this
is to say, no zeroes for me, even if I find myself
not as kind and gentle and calm as I'd like. It's the really
real, and writing this is a chance to stand in the field
and look to the sky and say...well, not all bad.