To Feel Free

Last night we were watching Kenny Rogers: All in for the Gambler Farewell Concert which was recorded October 25, 2017 at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville. It would be Kenny Rogers last live performance.

Shortly thereafter, before embarking on his farewell tour, his doctors advised him he needed to make his health a priority. And bam -- the tour was over.

Fast forward to March 20, 2020 -- Kenny Rogers passes away of natural causes under hospice care.

The reason that date is important is it was right about the beginning of our pandemic shutdown. Although COVID was not the reason for Rogers' death, it is somehow connected in my mind.

So perhaps that is why watching this concert stirred up something in me.

Yes, the performances for the most part were great. I don't typically care for Lady A, but they killed it with "She Believes in Me." And Little Big Town soared in harmonies on "Through the Years." Lionel Richie sang "Lady," of course, to the delight of the crowd. Then Dolly Parton and Kenny sang a few songs together, after Dolly joyfully greeted her old friend, her usual borderline inappropriate comments in tow. The woman has little filter, and perhaps that is why we love her so. After "Islands in the Stream" they ended like rock stars with a mic drop.

But back to the audience...

They were overwhelmingly white females with cell phones recording every darn thing. They were crying. They were alive with joy and happiness at seeing this tribute unfolding on the stage.

Here in Fort Myers, years later, I couldn't help but envy them. I envied that they could go to the concert without a mask. I envied they could sing and shout and hug and be together fearlessly.

To be honest, I probably have noticed this before in shows I've watched on television. I'm sure it crossed my mind.

But for me, Kenny is connected to the beginning of the pandemic when the Grand Ole Opry did their first livestream with Marty Stuart, Vince Gill, and Brad Paisley singing to an empty Opry house. One of the first songs performed was a tribute to Kenny who had just died a few days beforehand.

When I was thinking about my reaction to the audience, the phrase that came to mind was: They were free. 

That kind of stunned me. When I started thinking about it this morning, I had an epiphany: it is the first time I think I had an inkling of understanding on why some people are ranting about freedom when it comes to all things COVID. It truly can feel like our freedom is gone.

Granted, much of what has occurred surrounding anger over masks and shutdowns and such just demonstrates unskilled behavior. At the same time, if we don't recognize that things probably will never go back to the "way they were," that we may always have to be considering the risk of public places, and if we don't take a look at our sadness about that, we may end up taking it out on innocent people, all whom are dealing with the exact same emotions.

Yes, it can make us angry that this happened. To our grandparents. To our children. To us.

The desire to feel free of it is real in all of us. We do what we have to do, but at times we will be reminded that all we can do is deal with what is, no matter how painful. We may be anxious, angry, sad, and yes, even jealous of our past lives that did not include this intrusion. 

We need to somehow free ourselves of the need to take this out on others. We all must be able to travel, shop, attend events, and go to school safely.

Just like everyone else, I'm weary of putting on a mask to teach, to walk into the local library, to fly on a plane. It still doesn't feel like a wholly natural part of life. And yes, I'd love to be free of it.

The audience at Bridgestone that night in October did not know that was Kenny's final performance. 

When the pandemic began, we did not know how many deaths would occur. 

Our world has changed forever.

And that is the ultimate mic drop.