#66Challenge
It feels like a long dry spell since I was motivated to write much beyond short little poems (a daily practice) or 7 lines/7 days poems, which are basically just drawing on things already written.
Frustration has set in. I began to wonder what happened to the writer I had been. I kept thinking I needed a project: the problem was finding one that I could feel committed to.
I have plenty of drafted projects sitting around here I can fix up. Somehow I don't have the energy for that. I tried doing some little structural things, but soon became bored. The writing had no concreteness about it, and just seemed preachy and shallow. In addition, I felt this "thing" that no one cared about what I had to say anyway. Who is listening? I had no answer.
This caused me to put the question out: What kind of writer am I?
***
Today while noodling in my journal, I suddenly remembered something I literally had forgotten all about: the #64Challenge I did during the 2019-20 school year. That was an ever-changing, challenging year, which ended up with fourth quarter pandemic teaching.
Next week is my 66th birthday, and immediately I knew I need the #66Challenge for this coming school year.
This feels perfect. First, because in 2019 I had all kinds of plans and designs on what the school year should look like, and slowly but surely everything went haywire. By the end of February I was finding myself in a very different place than I was in August.
Coming into this school year I have no such designs. In fact, I'm actively working NOT to plan and design. There is all new curricula coming into our department, and I actually don't even know what I'm teaching. And no matter what I teach, there will be a certain amount of "do it this way."
I've been preparing myself for that all throughout this summer, by putting myself back in the moment every time I meet an obstacle, large or small. I have gathered my strength and risk-taking gene to do things I previously thought would be impossible.
Speaking to my friend Natalie yesterday she said something that resonated strongly: I made it through the 2020-21 school year. I can do anything.
***
I took time this morning to read the 64 posts for the last challenge. I found lots of nuggets that are good for me to remember going forward into a new school year and challenge:
What I focus on expands.
Abandon hope. Be fearless.
Do what you can do. Bear witness with no need to respond or attach.
Everything I need to know is in the person in front of me.
Be committed. Stay flexible.
I also found a slew of beautiful poems, deep reflections, classroom celebrations and intense frustrations. All documented. All worked out. All forward moving.
And most importantly: All a gift to myself!
***
By moving forward on a new challenge, in a year in which I already know will be full of change, I will have the opportunity to write concretely, do some good reflecting, pay attention, and give myself the gift of this school year always being accessible to me.
It's an adventure, a pilgrimage, a chance to practice the present moment.
It's getting me back to the writer I am--one who listens and writes to find out what she has to say. It doesn't matter if anyone else knows or cares!
It's taking all that has come before, folding it into the mix, and creating something new.
James W. Hall says that "we teach to re-create the world." I take this as my most earnest mission in life.
Here is to #66Challenge, and all the creative gifts it will bring to myself and yes, maybe even the world.
