Today I seek to repair this.
I forgot to read my daily poem yesterday, which brought me to David Whyte's poem "Muktinath" today. This section was the showstopper for me:
This is the place the path begins,
the empty rooms beneath the breath
where everything we've broken
comes back to be repaired...
I was captured by two things: the empty room beneath the breath, as well as the word "repaired."
Perhaps today's rambling is about repairing, as well as finding that space again, that empty room. Why is it so easy to lose it?
Repair Attention
It has been hard to get back to my routines of stretching, doing weights, and mindful movements ever since my hospital stay. I need to make space for it, as I can feel myself weakening. Not only that, I never get out and walk, either. So many things that were supposed to be a priority have fallen aside.
I need to pay attention to my environment. I have too many things piling up around me, at home and school. Time to purge a bit. Get things organized. Make room for the necessary, and ditch the rest.
Repair Schedule
As the school year winds down, I have been "checking off" in my mind each thing that marks the school year. But there is still plenty on the schedule I'm trying to cope with -- mostly this mad testing schedule that we can do nothing about, but one test that my school is requiring that seems purposeless.
I'm speaking out. I feel when the conversation turns to how to bribe students to do well on one more test, we have lost our focus.
These past few weeks I have returned to the teacher I am. It has been a weird year in so many ways -- not just the hurricane and the shooting, but for me personally, as I lost a lot of time out of the classroom I am not used to losing. I've also had to cope with all kind of new curriculum and online programs -- too many to mention -- and try to figure out how to make the best of them. It's been pretty insane.
Lost in the madness was my determination to bring the 16 Habits of Mind to my students. It got dropped. I tried to fit it in late in the year, but just couldn't get hooked in. In my Morning Pages I've already addressed this, and have arranged a way to make it more of a reality next year from day one. I am going to combine it with Class Dojo and spend time in getting across the importance of these habits to their entire lives. It will be a daily conversation.
And, surprise surprise, I took a look back at the book Habits of Mind Across the Curriculum: Practical and Creative Strategies for Teachers, and wouldn't you know...lots of great ideas there. I knew they was there, but when I was going to incorporate two years ago, I was persuaded away and told to "hit the ground running" with the textbook curriculum. That took the wind out of my sails, and I let it slip out of my mind.
But this year at my evaluation I was complimented for the way I encourage respect and community in my classroom. That was great, but I know I can do better. I know working 16 Habits with the Class Dojo will create more cohesion. I even have an idea for turning our gratitude board into a recognition board. I feel solid in my ideas, as they are building on things I've already done and making them better, not trying to do something new. I've been guilty of that before, and it rarely works.
I need to be the teacher I am.
Another issue with schedule is that I have about 7 kids in one class that are on a special computer reading program, and there is a long end of the year test they have to take to show their growth. This means I have to find a way to keep the other 15 kids quiet and busy so these 7 kids can take this test, probably over several days. This brought me to a cool project idea, having them choose a decade between the 50's to the 90's, and do research on fashion, music, television, sports, and whatever else interests them, then create a slideshow. It helped me feel like I had control over the schedule, instead of the schedule controlling me. I so need these kids to feel involved up until the last day, not just biding time. This will give them lots of choice, as well as some background knowledge to help them in the future.
Repair Artistic Life
I have felt myself slipping away from writing and music. I am not sure what has been taking its place -- maybe I'm just tired. Little by little, though, I feel myself taking steps back.
Yesterday I got a new insight into one of my characters I've been working with. Today I wrote an interior monologue for him where he is taking a step to repair an issue in his own life. I love how my characters show up and teach me something about them. This requires space -- an empty room where they can enter and let themselves be known to me.
I envision the coming summer as one where I am working on three different major writing projects. I'm not sure how I got there, but here I am. Well, I suppose that isn't true. I can see the steps that brought me here. Just interesting how it is converging all at once into the Summer of 2018. And yes, my ultimate goal is to actually submit something to the Sanibel Island Writer's Conference for a meeting with another writer. It is time to take the leap.
My writing partners have also been super busy, but yesterday their posted writings helped me feel part of that great circle again, and I am grateful. It is why I am rambling here...just to get the words out, just to share what has been happening.
Yesterday I finally got the amplifier in my studio so I can hook up the electric guitar and actually hear what I'm playing. It has been a fun journey into a different instrument, but still being able to build on all I know. Between my busy schedule, my recent travel, and a lousy cold, I had lost touch with the instrument. Yesterday's lesson brought me back to the joy of it. So good!
I feel repaired in mind, body, soul, and spirit as I acknowledge that there are empty rooms to visit and repairs to be made. I have vision and time...now I just need the energy, which can wane at this time of year.
And wow...this just happened.
I found out there was a second page to the David Whyte poem... just now, as I'm rambling here.
And this stanza has provided the perfect ending:
This is the place we stop,
look up, lean out the window
and find the first signs of life.
