"The plot and the purpose..."

It is late afternoon on New Year's Eve, and I meant to get this out sooner. It is mostly my journal entry from this morning. I had a wonderful day seeing A Complete Unknown and having lunch with a friend. Then I visited with my neighbor. Life is busy.

I have not shed many tears since Thanksgiving, although I did this morning when I realized I won't have Jim here at midnight to wish Happy New Year and a kiss. But, that's okay. I had a little cry and now I'm fine.

For many months of 2024 I prayed for this year to end more times than I can count. And now we are here, the waning hours. Finally.

What a year it has been.

Yesterday, I listened to my 2024 playlist, the one I started and continued to add on to throughout the year. I started with three songs, and continued to add (and sometimes subtract) as the year went on. The songs tell the story of my year; every up and down is represented.

It helped me know I definitely need a new playlist for 2025. I already know it will start with "Here Comes the Sun." I need a new collection to motivate, inspire, and calm me.

This year my word was EMERGE. For a long time I did not know how it was manifesting. But now I can see I had to emerge out of a life that was unsustainable. I couldn't teach forever. Jim couldn't keep getting ill without it catching up to him.

It was not the way I had imagined the word "emerge" when I chose it. I thought I'd have more agency, more choice. Instead, it felt thrust upon me. Emerge, dammit!

I can't argue with the God that chose this for me. I am grateful for everything good that has come my way because of the repeated challenges. 

A shift is happening now with the new year. My wound is close to healed. The holiday respite is over, and January will demand attention on things I've easily let slide. I have been wondering if I am ready.

The answer is yes.

I just pray 2025 lands gently. I have mighty helpers on my side, no matter what. That will never change.

*

The third song on my playlist was Jimmy Buffett's "Bubbles Up." I wrote about it earlier this year, but it deserves more attention. Apple Music says it is the song I listened to the most this year, and I know it is true. It was my constant go-to because of the message and Jimmy's voice. Neither can be beat.

Bubbles up

They will point you toward home

No matter how deep or how far you roam

They will show you the surface

The plot and the purpose

So when the journey gets long

Just know that you are loved

There is light up above

And the joy is always enough

Bubbles up

Linda Lavin and Jimmy, too

Yesterday was a double whammy for those of us who were adults in the 1970s.  Two American institutions have left the planet. Although they circled in different spheres, somehow they have been ever present in my life for fifty years.

Jimmy Carter was the first president I ever voted for in the Bicentennial year of 1976. His legacy is well-known, so no need to go into it here. Suffice to say I always admired the heck out of him and his wife.

Linda Lavin became popular in a show called Alice based on a movie called Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore, one of the first movies that saw women as whole human beings. I remember seeing it at the theater and it was different than anything else I’d ever seen. She had a never-ending career, even as she aged. It says a lot about her as an actor and a person.

When I heard Jimmy had died, well, no surprise. He was 100-years-old and had been in hospice care for over two years.

When I heard Linda died, I wasn’t surprised because I knew she had to be up there in years. (She was 87.) 

But my first thought was that I won’t get to see her in season 2 of the Netflix show No Good Deed. The show itself is a mini-masterpiece, and Linda had a small part as a nosy neighbor. Even though the part isn’t regular, she gave the character strong presence and purpose when she did show up. She held the secrets of the neighborhood. The fact that I thought of this immediately gives testament to two things: the utter brilliance of the show, and the fact that Linda Lavin was the perfect choice to play Phyllis Adelman. 

RIP to two American legends. We are grateful for your contributions to our lives.

What She Knows

Spontaneous poem written by starting with last line in a poem called “The Weaver” by Pat Schneider.

What she knows she knows

There is life after a death

There can be good days

Happiness

It has to come from within

No one can do it for her

There is no hole or gap

Just light shining consistently

Her name means light

And she lets it show the way

On how to weave a new life

The one she always knew she’d live.

That one wild and precious life.

Rest Easy

When I received the touchstone with some of Jim’s ashes in it, I was also given a vial of leftover ashes in case I wanted more things made. Instead, I wanted to to figure out a place to sprinkle those ashes. I decided on Bunche Beach.

It is tradition for me to walk Bunche on Christmas. I’ve done it for years. Last year, I felt strongly it was our last Christmas together, and I asked Jim to join me, even though he was too ill to walk. At the time he was just starting to show signs of what was to come.

This year has been one of turmoil and health issues, and I really am not sure if I’ve been there since last Christmas. There were a lot of changes. I was greeted by this message:

I knew where I wanted to send the ashes, and so made a short walk down the beach. There were more people there than usual—some years I have been the only one there. I wanted to have private space for what I was going to do, and thankfully that worked out.

My idea was to visit a tree I’ve been visiting for over a decade. It has been a place I went to reinforce visions I’ve had for what I want to do and be. It was not a living tree, but one that had a hole where I would drop shells I had spoken my wishes into. 

No surprise that after this hurricane season, the tree was just a leftover stump. But there, in that container, were the shells I left over the years. I sprinkled some ashes into it.

I then turned to the water. If Jim wanted to be anywhere, it would be on the water. I sprinkled the rest of the ashes into a waterway that will carry them into San Carlos Bay and eventually into the Gulf of Mexico.

This is the overview of where I left the ashes.

On the way back, rays came down from the heavens, completing the ritual. 

I didn’t feel the need to shed a tear.

It was perfect. 

Rest easy, My Love.

What Life Can Be

 I finally got in the car

And drove down to Fort Myers Beach

I was motivated by a book signing at

Annette’s Book Nook 

As well as the collection of books I’ve

Had ready to take to the her

Since last June.

Going over the bridge, colorful building were still in sight

Margaritaville squeezed in

And then a long stretch

With a lot of open spaces.

Only the sturdiest building remained.

I contemplated how I can bring a more youthful approach

To my life

And make more space for fun

I suppose in a way I was hit with my own kind of hurricane

This year

The changes, the losses, the realities

But the Architect of the Universe

Has built a strong structure inside of me

Everything will take time

And that is what I have

Time to create openings for new visions

Of what life can be.

2025 will include plenty of reading & writing

Solstice Gratitudes

 

I am grateful for books and music

I am grateful for my support systems

At Iona-Hope Church

Cypress Lake Middle School

My neighborhood

My enduring teacher friends far and wide

My classmates from SJA class of 1973

My family

Those that make me laugh

Those that cry with me

I am grateful for counselors and nurses

I am grateful for the level of health I do have

And that I am getting stronger every day

I’m grateful for my home

And that I have had so many holiday invitations

As the picture above illustrates

There appears to be duality in our lives

But it is all Oneness

Nothing is ever lost

So it doesn’t need to be found 

Stopped in My Tracks: Poem

I continue to enjoy going to my Lectio Divine group every Monday afternoon, and am now starting to assist in finding passages for our four part study and sharing. I offered to do December 30, with the idea of finding something for the new year.

I never expected to find what I did. When I read this poem, I had this overwhelming feeling of awe that something could address so many aspects of my life, including the word EMERGE, which was my word for this year.

Sandy, our leader, feels this is a perfect poem for us to do on the 30th, and I will sink into it deeper then. Right now I am just reading and letting the words wash over me, knowing I will continue to find this a map of sorts for the life I am now living.

FOR A NEW BEGINNING 

by John O'Donohue

In out-of-the-way places of the heart, 

Where your thoughts never think to wander, 

This beginning has been quietly forming, 

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.

For a long time it has watched your desire, 

Feeling the emptiness growing inside you, 

Noticing how you willed yourself on,

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.

It watched you play with the seduction of safety 

And the gray promises that sameness whispered, 

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent, 

Wondered would you always live like this.

Then the delight, when your courage kindled, 

And out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream, 

A path of plenitude opening before you.

Though your destination is not yet clear 

You can trust the promise of this opening; 

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning 

That is at one with your life's desire.

Awaken your spirit to adventure;

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk; 

Soon you will home in a new rhythm,

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.