So, this is how I walk away from the school year.
Not with the usual joy and relief. But with jumbled emotions that are hard to sort out.
I expected to walk into my classroom and burst out crying.That didn't happen.
I took pictures of what was left on my board at the end, including a couple messages from my 10th period kids:
We walked out that day not knowing what was to come. Then we found out.
I was unable to erase this, so I left it. I also left the words "Find Joy" on the little white board I was using for my monthly motto. It isn't time to wipe out that idea yet!
I had a list of things to do and I got right to work. I was done by 9:15, even though I had more time allotted. There wasn't much else to do.
I sat at my desk, in my new chair, and just stared at my room. I remembered the Creative Writers presenting their poems. I remember a relaxed final day. I remember laughter.
This was the year I hung my Dharma flag as a way to remember that in the challenges are opportunities. Where there is struggle, there is a hidden gift. A bit of Yin and Yang. I considered taking the flag down so I could ceremonially hang it again next year. But then I decided I wanted it there when I walk in next school year (which I pray begins in August as scheduled.)
A Prayer
Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart toward heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven --
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.
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