Year in Review 2024…and an Ending

 

For a while I have been finding it difficult to get myself to this blog. I will write entire things out in my journal that I think I want to share, but somehow I never get to the blog. I feel an aversion.

On Saturday I had an epiphany. This blog I began in spring of 2017 has run its course. The life I had then and subsequent years is gone. Not just that. 2024, with my commitment to write every day (although not achieved) seemed to cap the entire experience. The trauma, drama, agonies, and difficulties of 2024 lay heavy in this blog.

Time for a fresh start. 

One of the things I've avoided doing is the Year in Review in Photos that usually I'd do on or about January 1st. I decided if I am going to end this blog, I need to do it with the Year in Review.

I will be introducing my new blog, which is already named and set up, very soon. Meanwhile, enjoy my walk through the joyful parts of 2024 that are worth remembering. The tragedies loom so large that it is good to remember it wasn't all doom and gloom. 

YEAR IN REVIEW 2024

Feeling Connected

Kara and I visit the Butterfly House

In January, Kara and I made our first visit to the Peace River Botanical & Sculpture Gardens. On a gorgeous day, we studied sculptures and plants and works of art and butterflies. It included a boardwalk out to the river where there was a gathering of loons migrating through. It is a simply amazing place, and I hope to get back there very soon.

Moments with Loved Ones

The captions under these pictures tell the story. I am grateful for every moment with friends and family.

Iris and I met at Copperhead Books. November

Amy and I dined at Lan Xang. August

With Braydon as he tried black grouper!

With Scott at Salty Papa's Shrimp

Seeing Hamilton with Pam--May

Feeling Hopeful

In early August Jim was moved to a rehab facility, where we believed he would build up strength to come home. There were many setbacks right from the start. But on the day this picture was taken, there was hope in the air. He had asked me to bring his razor, and he trimmed his beard. He looked so good, I took a picture.  A few months later I looked at this picture and saw the intensity of his blue eyes, and how closely he was looking at me.  A day or two later he would get COVID, and his decline would begin in earnest. I see this picture and I think of that last day I held out legitimate hope that he would come home and we'd be together again.

Highlight of the Year

Without a doubt, the day that marked one of my highest moments was the gathering on November 9th to remember Jim. After years of watching him decline, it was absolutely wonderful to hear all the memories over the last 40 years when he was young and vibrant and we interacted on a regular basis with family and friends. I had no idea this celebration of his life would lift me like it did. I have written about it previously and posted the pictures, but I am posting them again so they are part of this record. 

One of the things I will remember most about this day was when Scott said the ceremony made him realize he is more like his dad than he ever thought. 

Susan and Natalie were lighthearted in comments

Stacy provide moving memories

CLMS always shows up for me. GRATEFUL

Makes Me Smile

After Jim passed, I rejoined Iona-Hope Episcopal and made fast friends through various activities. Trish is by far one of my favorites of all my new buddies. We sat together at the Christmas dinner and she taught me how to do the Princess Diana look for the camera to eliminate a double chin. Her advice: head down, roll eyes up. Here we are doing our best Diana.

Meaningful Moment

Christmas morning I took a remembrance of Jim to Bunche Beach and left him in a meaningful place. He is now in one of his favorite places: out in the Gulf with the sky and the birds and the underwater animals. It is so much better than a graveyard!

Feeling Connected, Part Two

Jim and I ended up having several weeks apart. The entire time I was in the hospital and separated from him and just wanted to be with him to hold his hand. I kept thinking we had so little time left together, and honestly, I was afraid I'd never hold his hand again if I didn't get out of there. He was going through so much and no one was there to comfort him. It was heartbreaking for me.

When I got home, the very first thing I did was get to the rehab center, and then I just sat and held his hand. I am so grateful I had the foresight to take this photo. It means the world to me. It represents every day together, how we were always there for each other, even from afar. But, of course, this physical contact was way better. If anything represents 2024 it is this. 

Blackberries

 Today I read this poem by Mary Oliver:

Blueberries

I’m living in a warm place now, where you can purchase fresh blueberries allyear long. Labor free. From variouscountries in South America. They’reas sweet as any, and compared with theberries I used to pick in the fieldsoutside Provincetown, they’reenormous. But berries are berries. Theydon’t speak any language I can’tunderstand. Neither do I find ticks orsmall spiders crawling among them. So,generally speaking, I’m very satisfied.

There are limits, however. What theydon’t have is the field. The field theybelonged to and through the years I began to feel I belonged to. Well,there’s life, and then there’s later. Maybe it’s myself that I miss. Thefield, and the sparrow singing at the edge of the woods. And the doe that one morning came upon me unaware, all tense and gorgeous. She stamped her hoof as you would to any intruder. Then gave me a long look, as if to say, Okay, you stay in your patch, I’ll stay in mine. Which is what we did. Try packing that up, South America.

I will say it was June 1994

When I woke on an overcast morning 

In the mountains

And I pulled on leggings and a floppy sweater

And walked up the road

To an empty lot that hosted a boulder

Perfectly formed for sitting

Perfectly placed for a view of the river

Yet a bit hidden from view

I sat and said my morning prayers

Then I thought “I’m hungry”

I had left the cabin without eating anything

And then I noticed the blackberry bush

Nestled up next to the rock where I sat

And it was full of juicy blackberries

Which I eagerly picked and enjoyed

A true delight on that summer morning

Unexpected, yet not

When a small need was met by nature 

The Secret of Life (1/18/25)

Today I read a Regina Brett essay called “The secret of life is not a secret. It’s sprinkled all over your life.”

She explains that the “secret” is always available, and for at least 4 pages she lists everyday moves and thoughts that add to life. No spiritual coaches needed. Everything is right in front of us.

Here is the list I made in my journal after reading her essay:

Walking Bunche Beach before 8 a.m.

Lectio Divina

Reading books by my favorite authors

Discovering new favorite authors

Inspiring creative writers

Bluegrass festivals

Neighbors I can count on

My old vinyl records—lots of memories in those grooves

Plenty of food in the fridge

Edye’s mint chocolate chip ice cream

Accomplishing new tasks around my home

Pleasant afternoons on the lanai, reading and napping

New music releases

Finding old music releases I never paid attention to

Discovering a new orchid bloom

Chris and Dua to the Rescue

A couple of days ago I saw a meme on social media that said something about nothing is better for our spirits than driving in your car with the music loud and singing along.

I thought to myself, I haven’t done that in a while. I will sing along, but I don’t necessarily play it loudly.

Today changed that!

I was leaving Publix for my short drive home, and the song “Think I’m in Love With You” had just started on the Chris Stapleton station. I absolutely adore this performance, and I love when he plays it on the radio for us to enjoy. I found myself cranking it up and singing along, remembering the meme and thinking…DAMN RIGHT!

The song was long enough to get me home. It felt so good!

I don’t mean to overwhelm my readers with Chris, but this is one memorable performance. And it made me fall in love with Dua Lipa.

More of this, please!

Angel Flying on a Wednesday Evening

I never thought I’d agree with Howard Stern about much of anything.

But then I found this video, and it begins with Howard saying this is his favorite Willie Nelson song.

It’s mine as well. The song is called “Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground.”  Chris slides into this song like putting on a pair of his favorite old boots. 

And he isn’t even wearing his trademark hat!

A Chris performance and a Willie song equal an unbeatable combination  I’m posting here tonight so I can revisit any time.

Sit back and enjoy.

The Light Found Me

 

I read a while back that a good practice to stay calm and focused is to notice where there is light, especially small bits of light that might be overlooked. It’s a reminder of faith and trust and knowing we are never alone.

I haven’t been practicing this. But yesterday it found me.

On the way home from lunch at a friend’s house, I was on Daniel’s Parkway waiting to turn left onto Six Mile Cypress, an inordinately long process. My attention turned to my left and the woods of the Slough. In the midafternoon light, the trees had gentle light filtering around them. A few leaves were brightly lit diamonds in the indirect sun. I couldn’t take my eyes off the scene. I just kept looking and enjoying and feeling centered and blessed.

That evening I had yet to close my blinds when suddenly a brilliantly peach-colored full moon jumped into my vision before some clouds covered it again. It seemed to be playing hide and go seek, or peek-a-boo. I thought again how the light had come to me, and I said hello and goodbye to the moon for the night, as I closed the blinds. 

I will keep seeking the light, as well as allowing it to reach out to me. It’s such an easy practice and has huge payoffs to the heart and soul. Perhaps the easiest way to remember that all will be well.

Disappearing Road

Gloomy day, feeling a bit bluesy, decided to color a picture and write a poem. Creativity should help, right?

The balancing act continues

Between getting things done and self-care.

Last night I dreamt of former students

Saw faces and some talked to me

I woke and for the first time I said

I miss teaching

But I mostly miss the relationships

And watching them grow

And accepting all they had to give.

This picture of the winding road through the trees

Feels appropriate for me right now

I can only see a few days ahead

My mood fluctuates, my grief changes

Cathartic moments erupt and waylay my plans

I know it’s okay

It’s going over the edge where the road disappears.

Off in the distance there are mountains

Something solid and real

For now, I rest on the road of trees

Take with gratitude all I do have

Shelter. Food. Friends. Faith.